


Twine Around Me

by Hephy



Category: Kong: Skull Island (2017)
Genre: Anal, Coping, Domestic, Feelings, Fingering, Kissing, Love, M/M, Oral, Trauma, more kissing, sensitive boy, what even are summaries, you're here for the smut I hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:10:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 66,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hephy/pseuds/Hephy
Summary: Slivko's companionship on their journey home and the subsequent separating of their crew upon their return left Conrad more barren than before.That was his life. Hopping from one job to the next. Becoming familiar with one or two people only to never see or speak to them again.But Slivko haunted him. He missed him.Mason recognizes his symptoms and sends him across states to Detroit, Michigan, where she hopes both men can strengthen their bond and find one another.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> I just... *shakes fist* had to get this smut out of my head. And it appears I've attacked a niche market.
> 
> I only saw the movie once so don't necessarily expect complete accuracy with details. I had to look a few things up but beyond that I just filled in some gaps using creativity and personal experience.

Part I

 

He wasn’t a child. Mason had told him that weeks prior as though he hadn’t known. He did know.

Maybe his subconscious couldn’t shake the young appearance of Slivko.

Sure, not a child. But in some eyes barely a man.

A young man who, after completing a tour in Vietnam, waded blind into ankle-deep shit. They were all in it waist deep before they knew it. As they progressed in their quest to survive, the waterline of feces and death lurked higher like an oncoming tide preparing to swallow them.

But they survived. Against the odds. And yes, Reg Slivko was no child.

He recalled the hot island sun and the sweat on his back making his clothes tacky and uncomfortable. Even now the constant and grating buzzing of insects echoed in his ears when he nodded off on those quieter nights in the city. He didn’t dream often and he was thankful, knowing his comrades who survived alongside him weren’t as lucky. Their return journey revealed as much.

Mason possessed great disposition but confided in him late last night she was experiencing nightmares.

For the first time since they met she showed him a moment of raw fragility. He hadn’t considered them friends until then. He’d seen fragile moments in many of the boys on the mission to the island but seeing it in her relaxed him. She trusted him with that revelation.

“Do you have nightmares?” She had asked.

He’d shaken his head, “Not for a long time.”

“I’m glad. Sadly, those boys - those soldiers - some of them are going to be messed up for the rest of their lives because of this. As if Vietnam wasn’t bad enough.” She sighed and he remembered the resignation in the sound. Her strength would preserve her mind but she was right about those young men.

Vietnam had been an appetizer.

“So what then gets to the great Captain James Conrad?”

“Many things get to me. I just handle them. Like everything else.”

She had nodded. She understood that.

“A secret, then?” She’d elbowed him.

He recalled he rocked from the motion of her bony elbow against his lowest rib where they were sitting side by side on the ledge of the roof. The apartment complex in the inner city was not the tallest building but it was plenty high enough. Distracted for a moment by the towers across the skyline, he refocused on her request.

She had given him a secret of hers and now sought one of his in exchange. A sign of trust he’d felt inclined to embrace.

With a sigh and long pause he summoned his only real secret, “I’m bisexual.”

“No kidding?” She chuckled, “Thank you.”

It was mutual acceptance. A comfortable thing.

“I’m going to visit some of them. You should, too.”

“Why?” He’d asked.

“Because I know you bonded with Slivko. I’m sure he’s been thinking about you.”

“This conversation has grown suspicious given my recent admission.”

Her smile had been small but smug, “You catch on quick.”

She’d handed him a folded slip of paper.

Mind in the present again, he pulled that wrinkled half-sheet from his pocket and unfolded it. His temporary, Monarch-funded apartment was quiet as he read the addresses scribbled in blue across the dirty page.

At the bottom was Reg Slivko. Detroit, Michigan.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

A week later he was paying his cab fare with Monarch funds and not caring if they saw his location pop up on the transaction. He knew they were keeping tabs on him. On all of them.

But as long as he didn’t skip country or break the ground rules he was an otherwise free man.

He faced the modest house as the cab departed.

This was the Slivko residence. It was a two-level house with a single stall garage and a short fence that wouldn’t keep anything in or out minus a chihuahua perhaps. The fence was for show and it went well with the garden of flowers that ran along it.

The front door was stark white and smelled of fresh paint. The entire property looked doted over.

He rang the doorbell to avoid scuffing or denting the new paint.

“Coming!” A male voice came from inside. It was not familiar.

A deadbolt clattered back in its chamber and the knob turned.

“Hello?” A tall, somewhat thin man with glasses looked at him. They were not quite eye level, this man several inches shorter, but he saw Reg Slivko’s brow and jawline. The structure of his cheeks were unfamiliar to Conrad’s eyes and the hair was darker than expected.

“Hello.” His accent seemed to vilify him.

“Can I help you?” Impatient.

“My name is James Conrad. I’m looking for Reg Sliv-”

The door slammed in his face.

“-ko.”

Conrad stared at the white-washed wood for three seconds before he turned and examined the immediate block.

From the neighboring house a middle aged man in a striped robe waved at him holding his morning paper and walked toward the small fence between properties. Curious, Conrad accepted the silent invitation and met him at the fence.

“Don’t be discouraged by that old coot if you’re looking for Reg.”

“Why did he slam the door?”

“Because you’re a young man who isn’t a military recruiter. Mr. Slivko doesn’t let his son have friends over.”

“No friends? But he does have some?”

“He used to.”

Conrad made a face and pressed on, “What significance does a military recruiter have?”

“Military life keeps Reg out of trouble. That’s what the man says, anyway. It’s why he sent him in the first place.”

“I thought he was drafted.”

“That’s what they tell people to cover it. Why don’t you come back tomorrow around 9am to see Reg? Mr. Slivko starts work then and I’m sure Mrs. Slivko will be more than happy to entertain a guest.”

Conrad had more questions but the man had turned and was walking back to his porch.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad stayed the night at a hotel. It was a long walk from the Slivko residence and the time let him clear his head.

He felt challenged by Mr. Slivko and wanted now more than ever to see Reg.

When he rang the doorbell the following morning a female voice responded.

The woman that opened the door was unmistakably Reg’s mother. Those were the cheekbones he’d inherited as well as the fine complexion and the stunning eyes and wild hair.

“Hello. May I help you?”

“Mrs. Slivko?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“My name is James Conrad. I’m here to see your son, Reg.”

“Oh!” She seemed to recognize his name, “Yes, of course. Please, please, come in and welcome. Let me take your jacket. Oh you didn’t have to take your shoes off, dear. Don’t be shy. Here, let me call Reg for you.”

As he aligned his shoes near the doormat she hung his jacket in a closet, closed the door, and went to the base of the stairs and called up.

“Reg? Reg you have a visitor. That James fellow you told me about is here to see you.”

“What? James who?”

“James Conrad, honey.”

There was a thump not unlike someone falling out of bed.

Mrs. Slivko turned to him and spoke in a hushed voice, “He admires you, you know. I can tell by the way he talks about you.”

“There is much to be admired in your son as well. He is very brave.”

She covered her heart with a hand as though proud, “ _ Thank you. _ ”

Reg slid to a stop at the top of the stairs and looked down, “Captain?”

Conrad smiled at the sight of ruffled hair and clothes that were askew from being pulled on in a hasty dash.

“Slivko. It’s good to see you.”

Reg stared at him and seemed out of breath.

“Reg, come down and say hello proper.” His mother waved for him to hurry.

After a stammer and absent rub to rid his face of sleep, Reg descended the stairs in an efficient manner to stand before Conrad. Mrs. Slivko excused herself to the kitchen to get them something to drink.

“It seems I woke you. My apologies.”

“N-no! No. It’s fine. It’s… good. What-um, yeah.” He was reeling.

Conrad had to explain himself and spare him from asking.

“I kept wondering how you were getting along so I decided I’d come see you. How are you doing?”

Reg floundered for words and stared at the floor but his head came up at the sound of a car entering the drive.

Mrs. Slivko swept into the room. Concern was etched on her face. Reg turned and their synched expressions held each other.

The engine shut off and a car door slammed.

“Why is he back? He went to work I thought.”

“I don’t know.” Mrs. Slivko looked around and pointed beside the door, “There. He forgot his briefcase again.”

“What do we do?”

There was panic in both of them. Conrad watched their rising anxiety but before he could offer to slip out the back or perhaps a window if necessary, Mrs. Slivko spoke.

“I’ll handle this, sweetie.” She picked up the case, “Take Mr. Conrad into the kitchen where your father can’t see from here. I’m sorry, Mr. Conrad, but could you please…?”

“Of course.” He turned with Reg and disappeared behind the wall separating the rooms just as the door opened. Reg began to pace and Conrad set a hand on his shoulder to still him.

Fear in Reg’s eyes as their gazes met rattled a protective instinct in Conrad and his hand squeezed his shoulder to reassure. Not even on the island had Reg looked so uncertain or terrified.

“Forgot your case again?” Mrs. Slivko teased from the front door.

“Oh thank you, dear. I’m going to be late for my morning meeting now but I stopped at the station up the street to call in and let them know. This isn’t going to look good on my quarterly review.”

“I’m sure they’ll understand. You can’t give a presentation without your materials, after all. And you’ve been with them a long time.”

“It’s still unprofessional.”

“It’ll be just fine. I’ll bake something today and you can take it in tomorrow. Everyone will forget all about it.” Mrs. Slivko’s acting was admirable.

“That’s a wonderful idea.”

“Drive safe.”

“I-” Mr. Slivko’s voice cut off and a silence rose in it’s place.

“Dear? Is everything alright?”

Another pause.

“Who… who do these monstrous  _ shoes _ belong to?”

Conrad felt Reg shrink beneath his hand and tremble. Reg backed away, slipping from beneath Conrad’s hand, as footsteps thumped through the house and toward the kitchen.

Conrad looked up at Mr. Slivko as he passed over the threshold. Their eyes locked.

“What are you doing here?”

“D-Dad,” Reg spoke, “he’s here to see me. This is...” His voice failed him as his father glared in his direction.

“I’m James Conrad.”

“Yes, we met yesterday.”

Feeling annoyed, Conrad clarified, “I’m not sure slamming a door in someone’s face counts as a proper introduction.”

Mrs. Slivko, entering behind her husband, looked appalled, “Dear!”

“Not now.” He waved a hand to silence her and focused again on Conrad, “You need to leave. Now.”

“But he just got here and he’s come so far to see Reg.”

Mrs. Slivko did not know how far Conrad had traveled but she was proving to be excellent at covering tracks and spinning believable explanations. It said enough about the family dynamic.

“I don’t care if you came from halfway across the world. I know why you’re here and you need to get out. My son will have nothing to do with the likes of you so long as he lives under my roof.”

“Dad, please, it’s not like that or-”

“You  _ know _ the rules! Get to your room.  _ Now _ . I’ll be up to talk about this.”

Reg swallowed and looked torn. Conrad could imagine Reg’s heart beating hard and breaking a little more. After a stint of silence he turned to the door.

He looked at Conrad and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Conrad nodded to him in understanding, having to bite his tongue from lashing out in defense of Reg and Mrs. Slivko. This was not his house or his family. But it did burn him and he was experiencing regret at not offering to leave before such escalation.

Mr. Slivko pointed toward the front door after Reg slipped out of the kitchen, “Now you. Get out of my house and don’t come back. There is nothing here for you.”

Conrad left with the image of a red faced Mr. Slivko burned into his memory. As he stepped onto the driveway he heard Mrs. Slivko yelling.

“Why can’t you just be happy our son is home from war and alive? Isn’t that enough? Is this what you want for him? Is this a life worth living?”

Conrad shook his head as though he could shed the words and disengage from reality.

“ _ Hey _ !” The hushed voice brought Conrad’s head around to the side of the Slivko yard where a now fully dressed Reg was jogging across the grass. He jumped the fence and nearly barreled into Conrad.

“We gotta get out of here before he sees us.”

“Your father seems to be plagued by fits of overreaction.”

“Yeah. Tell me about it.” Reg sighed and they walked to the end of the block and turned down the next street to put them out of sight.

“ _ REG _ !”

Reg’s shoulders jolted up at his father’s raised voice echoing from the front door of his home.

“It would appear he’s already noticed your absence.” Conrad put a hand to the middle of Reg’s back and swept him along a little faster.

They walked in silence for three blocks and when they could no longer hear the yelling Conrad spoke.

“Perhaps I should not have come.”

“No. It’s good you’re here. I’m really glad to see a familiar face. All this being home was what I wanted for so long but now that I’m here I’ve just felt empty.”

“Mm.” Conrad was intimate with the feeling.

“I’ll have to steer clear of home for a few days. Or maybe I should just reenlist.”

“Don’t be so quick to return. I imagine you received a talk about our little jaunt in the uncharted just as I did.”

“Oh, yeah. That.” He sounded deflated but perked a moment later, “When are you heading back to…?”

“Washington. D.C.. And I currently have no demands on my person. So until I hear from the men or women holding my leash I have no plans or place to be.”

“W-where have you been staying? In D.C.?”

“An apartment. Same complex as Mason, believe it or not. Right down the hall from her.”

“Is she under the same orders as you?”

“More or less. She’s quite upset about having her cameras confiscated but otherwise is doing well. Last we spoke she said she planned on visiting some of you boys. She recommended I do the same.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

“No. Well,” Conrad considered, “perhaps she planted the seed, but I came to see you because I wanted to.”

“See any of the other guys yet?”

“No. Just you.”

Reg stopped on the sidewalk, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants, and stared at the concrete. Conrad halted a step and a half after and faced him.

Reg drew a steady breath. His nerves were still tattered from their expedition and dealing with his father. It left him without the reserves to feel anxious around Conrad.

Conrad stepped closer, “I can leave if this is causing too much stress. You’ve been through enough already.”

“Don’t. I just…” he shook his head as he stared across the street, “I want you here.”

Conrad put a hand on his shoulder and it brought those faraway eyes back to the here and now. They looked at him and he saw pain and fatigue.

“ _ Slivko _ , you look exhausted.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Conrad found himself parroting Mason as he asked, “Do you have nightmares?”

A slow nod and heavy swallow later Reg answered in a whisper as he bowed his head in shame.

“ _ Yeah _ .”

“I have a hotel about a two hour walk from here. Stay the night. Or several. If nothing else it may teach your father to value your presence.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The hotel was clean and plain and reminded Reg of his barracks. The room was six floors up providing a nice view of the main drag through the city.

“You’ve been staring out the window for nearly ten minutes. Will you be alright?”

He turned to see Conrad sitting on the bed going through a large duffel of clothes picking out items that would fit him. Lucky for him Conrad didn’t waste time with oversized clothes. They wouldn’t hang on his smaller frame too badly.

“I don’t think I can answer that with any confidence.”

“Fair enough.” Conrad slapped the vacant side of the bed, “Would you like to talk about it?”

“You really want to hear about my problems?”

“Yes. Come sit.”

Reg eyed him and subdued the flutter of worry in his stomach. He made a hapless gesture with his arm and sighed, his brow in a distressed furrow.

“I’m sorry about my dad. The way he treated you.”

Conrad stood and moved to him, “That’s not your fault. Nor is it within your control.”

“I should have said something.” His eyes cast to a corner of the room.

Conrad took his wrist in his hand and felt the layered and age-softened bands of paracord worn as bracelets.

“Look at me, please.”

Reg swallowed and peeked up as though tentative and witnessed the air of seriousness about Conrad. He wondered where it came from and how he maintained such a poker face. By comparison he felt frail and inadequate.

“I promise you it gets better from here. It can be hard to see the light. The good. But it is there, and once you’re out there in the world on your own you no longer have to live by your father’s creed of right and wrong. You will meet others just like you. You will find people you can trust.”

Trust was a bitter word for Reg and his eyes shut as his expression soured.

Conrad felt the tension and slipped his fingers from Reg’s wrist to his palm where he held his hand in a half grasp that was loose enough to allow him freedom to withdraw if he desired.

“I hope you feel you can trust me.” Conrad squeezed his hand, “Because I trust you.”

Hearing it almost made him weep. He felt like he’d manipulated Conrad into whatever this was they had. Friendship? Was it friendship they had? He wasn’t sure.

“I do.” Reg whispered, “I do trust you. You saved my life. It’s just that I’m not exactly known for being a good judge of character.”

“Someone hurt you?”

“In school. I trusted him - thought he was my friend - and he went and told everyone I was gay. Even my family. The fallout,” Reg shook his head and drew a steadying breath, “wasn’t good. I, um, understand if I make you uncomfortable.”

Conrad molded his hands to the sides of Reg’s neck below his jaw and tilted his head up to see the unfallen tears swollen in his eyes. He cast his thumb over a cheek that was pale from fear.

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It shouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable. Especially a parent. This is who you are. There is no shame in it.”

The softness of Conrad’s voice bled into Reg and demolished his worry over rejection. He sucked a breath through his teeth and tried to hold the tears but they fell and he emitted a weak sound that was too close to a sob to be considered anything else. Inside him was a fractured happiness, both relieved from this simple acceptance and stressed because his father had been incapable of giving him the same.

He wilted and felt a spat of dizziness as he was drawn forward. The firmness of Conrad’s chest beneath his wet face ruptured the last of his defenses and he let the tears flow. He was shaking as arms encircled him and it reminded him of all the embraces his mother had given him as a child. He felt safe.

“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with such intolerance from your father. It isn’t easy. I want you to know I understand.”

Reg’s tears ended as he collected himself and lifted his arms to guide them apart but not away. The slim gap between them allowed him to wipe his face. He sniffed and pressed his forehead to the center of Conrad’s chest. A hand stroked through his hair and settled his upset like some kind of miracle cure for sadness.

“I’m sorry. I’ve cried all over you.”

“It’s fine.”

“You wanna, um,” Reg drew away wiping his face again, “go do something? Something random or fun? I don’t want to think about my dad anymore.”

Conrad nodded, “Anything you want.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

They walked the city’s main drag passing stores and restaurants and sharing a comfortable silence. Their easy pace allowed Conrad to take in what this small part of Detroit had to offer.

Come early afternoon they found a local theater and decided to see a movie. It was advertised as an action movie but compared to war Conrad was certain they both found it less of an action movie and more of a narrative exploring the physiological wants and needs of men lost in an uncertain world.

Reg seemed content to lose himself to the moving pictures for that hour and a half and Conrad was happy to join him on the escape.

When they emerged into the light of mid afternoon the city was less bustling. The lunch rush over and employees not yet free from work left them with a city to explore.

“You haven’t eaten today, have you?” Conrad asked.

“No. You?”

“Tea for breakfast. Other than that, no. Care for a bite? My treat.”

“I actually jumped out my bedroom window without my wallet and only a couple dollars in my pocket so that would be great.”

They picked a generic looking diner and slipped inside. A handful of other customers were present and their service was swift.

Reg’s food choices surprised him. A salad, cup of fruit, and grilled salmon over rice. His beverage was water.

“You eat very healthy.”

“Oh, ah,” Reg smiled at him, “it’s just the stuff I like. Also, those 1950’s C-rations kinda burn you out on things like beef and beans. I think I missed fresh vegetables more than anything while in Nam.”

Conrad looked at his soup and sandwich paired with an iced tea. He hadn’t realized until now he’d been avoiding certain foods as well.

“I like gardening.” Reg downed half his glass of water, “I used to help my mom with the plants all the time when I was a kid. We grew strawberries every year and invited the neighbor’s kids over to help pick some. Then we’d let them take some home. And if it wasn’t strawberries it was peppers and tomatoes. Sometimes we’d take our extra around town to the other mothers that grew their own vegetables and we’d exchange for things we hadn’t grown that year.”

“Sounds like you’re very close to your mother.”

“Yeah. She’s great.”

It was good to hear. One parent out of two was doing better than many gay youths in the world.

They ate their food and Conrad asked about his gardening and what other plants he had experience raising. When their plates were clear and taken and the check paid they remained sitting in their tiny booth with Conrad’s long legs invading Reg’s side. When Reg shifted and brushed a leg against Conrad’s he apologized.

There was no need and Conrad assured him as much. Tall as he was, Conrad knew he tended to spill into other’s space in such confined areas.

Reg’s appetite was sated and he felt less anxious. Conversation was easy with Conrad either way.

“They gave me a gag order before they let me come home. Told me if I blabbed any details they’d hear about it. They’d find me. I imagine everyone got the same talk. They told me not to talk to the other guys about anything regarding the mission. So we decided we just wouldn’t talk at all. Safer that way.”

Conrad set his glass of iced tea down and studied the familiar ache in Reg’s expression and posture. He was lonely. Even in company.

“Did they tell you they’d call?”

“Said to wait and if they needed me they’d call. Right. Like they’d need me for something.”

“They might. You have experience now. That is considered invaluable in the eyes of many.”

“ _ Experience _ .” Reg swayed a leg and bumped Conrad’s, “Along with a helping of trauma.”

“Yet you’re handling it very well. Some return from war without themselves. They leave their personalities and minds on foreign soil and return hollow.”

Reg looked at the floor, “Sometimes I feel hollow.”

The sadness was permeating.

Conrad turned his eyes to the same patch of floor, “As do I.”

And Reg heard it for the reassurance it was. He was not alone.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

They spent the evening in a park. Dogs and their owners came and went, bounding about in energetic displays of their happiness to be alive.

Conrad liked dogs. Dogs were easy to trust compared to people. 

“So why the military?”

“Not my choice.” Reg sighed, “My father specifically requested a recruiter take me. He practically demanded I be enlisted. Much to my mother’s disagreement.”

“Why would your father push you into war?”

“Because he thought it would straighten me out. Get rid of the part of me that likes men. And even if it didn’t he knew I’d be shunned, humiliated, dishonorably discharged and sent home if I were outed. I guess he thought I’d just get over it or something. That military life would magically make me like girls.”

“So he lied. Told those he knew you’d been drafted.”

“Yeah.”

They stopped at the crest of a hill and watched dogs and people cohabitating. They looked small from their vantage point. Inconsequential.

“Made me feel unwanted.”

Unloved. Flawed. Broken.

Conrad knew the drill. He wanted to say something to combat those feelings but the jingle of pet ID tags pulled them both out of their thoughts.

A large husky trotted toward them, a stick in it’s mouth and the owner not far behind panting as she headed their way to apologize. Reg bent down and accepted the stick.

“Beautiful dog.” Conrad said to the owner as she stopped before them.

“Thank you. He loves everybody, as I suppose is evident by how fast his tail is wagging.”

Reg pet the dog and ruffled his fur and asked if it was a good boy. The dog responded, enthusiastic to be accepted as a friend.

They lingered and spoke to the owner as Reg threw the stick for the dog and the dog, named Kodiak, retrieved it every time.

When they parted ways with the woman and Kodiak, Reg’s spirit was higher. Dogs were a gift that way.

They returned to the hotel as the sun was setting and Conrad took a shower to wash away the dust and sweat of a warm day.

Reg did likewise when he was done and emerged from the bathroom in borrowed slacks. He wore no underwear, as he didn’t have a clean pair, and the shirt Conrad had given him was a size too big. His dog tags clacked as he pulled the soft cotton garment over his head and sat on the bed opposite of Conrad.

No stranger to close quarters thanks to his time in Vietnam, Reg wasn’t shy about sharing a bed. They lounged and watched a classic black and white movie on television until Reg began to drift.

Conrad stood to shut it off and when he returned to the bed Reg’s sleepy voice rose among the tranquil dark.

“Thanks for coming to see me.”

“Of course.” Conrad pulled the blanket higher around Reg and reclined into the luxurious mattress. 

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad wasn’t asleep long. Noises from his left woke him and he recognized them as distressed mumblings of a comrade experiencing a nightmare. He sat up and reached over Reg to turn on the bedside lamp to the dimmest setting. It flooded the dark with forgiving illumination and cast shadows along Reg’s pained face.

“Slivko.” Conrad touched his shoulder, “Reg wake up.”

A slight shake was all Reg needed to snap into consciousness. He was confused and displaced, heart hammering in his chest. The bed was not his own and beside him was an unfamiliar weight. He turned his head.

“Welcome back.” Conrad’s voice was hushed, “You were having a nightmare.”

“I woke you? I’m sorry.” His voice was controlled despite how his chest was near heaving.

Conrad made a face, “Come here.”

He opened his arm in a wide sweep that beckoned and waited the four full seconds before Reg rolled onto his side and moved into his space. The pounding of Reg’s heart was obvious as he wrapped him in his arms. His own was slow and stable. It offered a pattern for Reg to latch onto.

“What was it about?” The texture of Reg’s hair beneath his fingers was soft from the hotel conditioner. He smelled clean and it struck a chord in contrast to his mental state.

“The island. Those things.”

Reg shivered drawing a stiff breath. He wasn’t panicking but he wasn’t relaxing. It left him rigid in Conrad’s arms, which meant he was either stressed from his nightmare or being this close to another person was not comforting. Conrad decided to find out which it was.

“You need to take a deep breath.”

Reg did so but held it as though afraid to exhale.

“Now let it out. Slow.”

He touched their foreheads together and held Reg’s face along his jaw in a gentle cradle. As Reg exhaled through his nose his eyes remained closed and his body persisted in trembling.

“One more. Deep breath.”

The intake expanded Reg’s chest and he held the air for half as long before expelling it in a gradual decompression. Now he was melting against Conrad and his heart was abandoning its sprint in exchange for a jog.

“Good.”

Reg felt better in those few seconds. Conrad was all muscle and bone and melting heat. His voice was mollifying enough to subdue a feral beast with poetry and Reg had no defense for such a tactic. He feared he may turn to liquid if he surrendered more of himself to Conrad’s hold.

“Just like that.” Conrad tilted his head to bury his nose in Reg’s rebellious hair. His mouth pressed to the slight dampness of his forehead and he scrunched a fistfull of hair at the back of his head.

Reg’s heartbeat synced with the steady pump of Conrad’s and in three more thumps he acknowledged he hadn’t been this mentally and physically relaxed in years. His hands, tucked between their bodies and fingers tangled in the front of Conrad’s shirt, were itching to splay across the firm chest before him and count every beat of that powerful heart.

This closeness was surreal to Reg. He’d spent years away from home wanting nothing more than someone to hold him. Now he had it.

Reg found his voice, “You’re not uncomfortable with this? With me being…?”

Conrad shifted until their gazes met. He identified the uncertainty in Reg’s eyes and strived to put it to bed.

“If anything, it makes me more comfortable.”

“Wh-” Reg eyed him, “How?”

“You’re in good company. I’m bisexual.”

There was a period of silence where Reg’s face morphed into stunned disbelief. When he did speak his voice was a whisper.

“ _ No way _ .”

Conrad felt himself smile and he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Reg’s forehead.

“Way.”

Reg drew back, slow and easy, and looked up with the biggest puppy dog eyes Conrad had ever seen.

“H-have you…” Reg swallowed, “been with both?”

“Nothing committed, but yes.”

Conrad could see questions manifesting in Reg’s mind and offered him an outlet.

“What would you like to know?”

Reg focused then and his myriad of questions stilled.

“I can ask anything?”

“The worst I will say is ask something else. Come on now. Hit me.”

“Um, okay. Ah,” Reg drew a breath, “what’s kissing like?”

It was far more innocent than Conrad expected.

“You’ve never kissed?”

“No.”

Conrad feared his smile that creased the edges of his eyes would be taken as humor at Reg’s expense. To dispel any misunderstandings he ran his thumb along Reg’s bottom lip and filled the silence.

“I would very much enjoy teaching you how to kiss.” Conrad felt his lips tingle at the idea of kissing Reg. He saw the nervous bob of Reg’s throat as he swallowed but also witnessed the curiosity building in his eyes.

“Would you like me to kiss you?”

It was Reg’s slow but decisive nod that ignited an eagerness in Conrad he thought had died in his youth.

“If at any time you want to stop, just tell me.”

Another nod.

He carded a hand through Reg’s hair and adjusted to lean closer. Their noses brushed and the proximity caused a shiver to bolt through Reg. His eyes were half lidded but not ready to seal.

“Close your eyes.”

As they slipped shut Conrad formed his palm to the side of Reg’s face and urged his head up and into a near pressureless kiss.

Reg inhaled at the contact.

Conrad parted from him and cast his thumb across the skin of Reg’s cheek and admired the subtle scrunch of brow. He saw the nervousness but also the relief bathing in a sunrise of hope as Reg’s eyes opened. They were unfocused signaling his mind cartwheeling through a tornado of thought and emotion.

Glad he could give Reg this safety to be himself and explore something he’d never had the opportunity to before, Conrad eased in again. He was taller, larger than Reg, and could cover him with ease if he desired. Such a difference could be intimidating but he moved at half pace to offer himself as a means of comfort and protection.

And Reg, for all his frightened hesitation and years of hiding, turned into the kiss. His eyes fluttered shut and he slipped into the expanse of Conrad’s open guidance and settled the fear simmering in his belly. There was no judgement here as Conrad’s lips moved against his. He was prodded into mimicry and they were soon exchanging pressure, heat, and breath.

A sense of happiness so extreme it expanded inside Reg until it spilled into his actions overtook him. The kiss had become something heavy and demanding.

Conrad didn’t relent even in the face of Reg’s growing ferocity but instead welcomed the enthusiasm. He moved them, easing Reg onto his back so he could brace himself on one forearm above him. He used his hand that had been guiding Reg’s face to address the fingers touching him in a tentative manner. As he took one of the hands in his he bullied Reg’s lips to show him roughness was permitted and even good when done right.

Reg broke away from him and drew a thick breath, now panting, but they remained close.

Conrad planted several kisses across his cheek and jaw. He placed the flat of Reg’s hand over his chest and let him feel the faster beat of his heart to show him he was also affected. He moved it then - up around his shoulder until Reg took over and contoured his palm to the nape of his neck. A moment later the other arm followed, having gotten the idea, and Conrad fell prey to two arms that were more forward in their desire than he expected.

Reg drew him in and they met again. Medium pressure but all heat.

It was Conrad’s turn to inhale as Reg’s nails scratched up his neck and into his hair. They descended and carved welts down his spine and over his shoulders. It was invigorating even through the fabric of his shirt and when they repeated the motions he emitted an appreciative noise that was muffled by their lips.

The tingling it sent through him brought the first waves of arousal rising from low in his groin. He was soon hard and knew the length of time between his last one night stand and now contributed to the intensity of his desire.

Conrad ended their kiss but his immediate rerouting led to him chaining wet kisses and soft bites down Reg’s neck and over his collar. He sucked dark marks into clean skin as those hands abandoned his hair to grip his shoulders. The soft hiss Reg made when he sucked just below his ear was followed by a weak moan. It finished as a shiver and Conrad noted the sensitivity there.

A bent knee bumped Conrad’s side and he caressed the thigh to welcome the absent fidgeting. He stroked its length twice before skating his touch higher beneath Reg’s shirt. There he felt the rapid rise and fall caused by labored breathing.

Conrad stopped. He withdrew his hand and lifted himself to see the flush across Reg’s face. The hands still holding his shoulders were tight and shaking.

“Slivko.” His voice was careful and quiet, “Sorry. I overstepped.”

Reg exhaled then and was smiling and shaking his head. His pretty teeth were hard to ignore and Conrad caught himself admiring them.

“You mean sorry for teasing me.”

Conrad smiled, “Is that what it is? I thought I had overwhelmed you.”

“You did. You are.” He swallowed, “But in a good way.”

“Do you want to continue?”

“ _ Yes _ .”

Reg’s voice contained enough breath and passion to convince Conrad to resume. He leaned in slow, was met part way, and they kissed until Reg needed air.

Conrad dotted the expanse of his neck in more marks. It was difficult to resist when his ministrations drew such arousing noises. He slowed his process of undressing Reg to avoid moving things too fast. Bunching the shirt high on Reg’s chest and running his hand from breastbone to lower belly was a soothing touch.

He was between Reg’s legs now, kissing his chest and stomach and holding his hips as he dragged his mouth lower until he bit gentle and playful above the lip of the borrowed pants. Registering the shiver made him smile. He curled his fingers under the band of the pants and drew them low on his hips.

“Tell me if you don’t want this to go any further. If it’s too much we can stop. You’re in charge, understand?”

Reg nodded, quivering, and realized he needed to vocalize.

“It’s not too much. I-I’m just…”

Conrad crawled higher to face him. Reg’s hands found purchase on his chest and stuttered down as though he were admiring a marble statue crafted by the masters of the Renaissance.

“...I can’t believe this is happening.”

Conrad rose to his knees and pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. He dropped to his palms to cage Reg beneath him.

“Good?”

Reg nodded and extended a shaky hand to touch the bend of Conrad’s powerful chest. The handsome beauty of this man was ethereal to him. And it was focused on him. Paralyzed until an insistent nudge had him turning his head, Reg was lost at sea in a frenzy of thoughts and feelings. He dragged a breath of air through his teeth when Conrad nipped his neck. It almost tickled, sending a sharp tingle down his spine. He curled beneath Conrad and moaned as the nipping turned to sucking. That juncture just below his ear made him weak. Conrad was exploiting it.

He was trembling and knew he wasn’t contributing much but it didn’t seem to deter the progression. This contact and intimacy was feeding his long-buried desires and he was basking in each and every second, afraid he may never feel it again.

Conrad relented his assault to fold Reg’s legs and remove the pants. They were forgotten on the floor the next moment and he resettled between his thighs and crawled over him. He cupped the underside of Reg’s leg close to his backside to test his level of comfort and when the response was inviting he found himself drawn into another kiss. This time his method was hungry and seeking and it left Reg in a haze attempting to match pace. His hand squeezed and moved on to the tender skin of Reg’s inner thigh where his palm was able to glide.

Reg pushed up against Conrad’s mouth, both his hands formed to the sides of his neck below his jaw, and emitted a surprised but not alarmed noise as he descended and broke their kiss. Conrad was holding his erection. Reg was distracted by the slow-slow stroke of a thumb rubbing against the dampened tip and the heat of Conrad’s breath against his ear. The thick rumble of his voice almost startled him.

“You are very hard.” He stroked him.

Reg felt a rush like fainting but collected himself by clinging one-armed to Conrad. His other hand fisted in the sheets.

“I’ll have to get you a little wet.”

The words lashed a burning heat in Reg and he bit his lip.

Conrad shifted lower. He acknowledged Reg’s nervousness and bent in to kiss his stomach and let the erection drag against his chest and neck. Lower and lower he placed kisses until he was met with the weeping crown. He always found it odd he could crave giving another person oral. With a lick of his lips he proceeded.

A kiss to the tip was enough to prepare Reg. Conrad closed his lips around him and his soft moan vibrated against his mouthful. The thighs beneath him quivered as he descended until his lips met the base.

Reg expelled a sudden breath and tried to control his breathing. The heat of Conrad’s mouth combined with the suction he generated on his first upward stroke was a convincing argument to finish. In addition he was experiencing a swelling fondness inside himself directed at Conrad’s acceptance of him.

He was thankful when Conrad didn’t return with an immediate repeat of the first descent but instead pulled off and kissed his inner thighs.

Conrad allowed Reg ample time to regroup before he returned for another taste. This time he was more aggressive but took caution using a slow pace. The bump of the head pushing past his lips as he went down made his own erection throb. The wetness and heat were making him leak in anticipation and he had to focus himself. This wasn’t for him and he needed his urges to understand they may go unanswered tonight.

The small room filled with their body heat and sounds. Reg’s panting was growing shaky and louder at the same rate as Conrad’s wet sucking. He was approaching the extent of his stamina too quick and he knew it.

“C-C-Con-Conrad.” Reg put a hand in those short curls of hair but didn’t push him away. He made his last attempt to hold on, to not come, but when he felt it flooding to the breaking point his voice broke first.

“I-I’m…” The intensity spiked and he pushed Conrad away. His body tensed and he heard the pathetic grunt he made but didn’t care. He fell back, collapsing against the bed now that Conrad was well and clear, and threw an arm over his eyes as his body drained itself all over his stomach and thighs.

His pleasure yet to fade, Reg registered the bed shifting signaling Conrad moving over him. His arm was moved and a row of biting kisses were pressed in an adoring fashion across his neck and jaw. He felt that fond swell all over again and wanted to cry.

He held the happy tears at bay and coiled his arms around Conrad and succumbed to the warmth of their bodies. His orgasm lapped at him as it receded but left him with relaxing satiation.

Reg made a noise when he bent his leg and his thigh pressed into what was an obvious erection between Conrad’s legs. He muttered a curse, impressed by the size of the damn thing, before he realized he had vocalized the thought.

“Sorry.” Conrad shifted to move.

“No, it’s fine.” Reg put a hand to the centerline of Conrad’s chest and held the back of one of his arms with the other to keep him from moving any further away. Their eyes held each other for several seconds and Reg swallowed before he asked.

“Can I try that on you?”

Conrad relaxed, “Only if it’s what you want. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“No- I don’t - it’s…” Reg stopped and tried again, “I want this.”

Reg pushed his thigh harder against the confined erection to emboss his answer.

“Alright, but I’m going to let you know before we go any further that I, unlike you, am uncircumsized. If that isn’t your thing-”

“It doesn’t bother me. It’s…” Reg searched for the right word, “natural.”

Conrad kissed him. It was full force with a hint of teeth and it left Reg spiraling in a happy sort of oxygen deprivation.

“Let’s get you cleaned up first.”

Conrad slipped into the bathroom and when he emerged he was naked and holding a clean hand towel. Reg admired him from neutral expression to bare feet. His eyes lingered a moment on the full erection and how it compared to his own in size.

“You’re fucking huge, you know that?”

Conrad exhaled, chuckling, as he eased onto the bed and began wiping the mess off Reg’s stomach, thighs, and now flaccid penis.

Reg scooted closer to him, “You ever measure it?” He held his hand beside it in attempt to estimate.

“Yes. It is above average. But more a curse than a gift, I assure you.” Conrad returned to the bathroom and rinsed the cloth clean, keeping the hotel staff in mind, and finished by washing his hands in warm water. When he returned to the bed Reg was sitting up with his legs folded and his hands on his ankles. Conrad felt a strong attraction at the sight and leaned in and kissed his cheek with a bit more aggression than he intended. He peppered several more as he crawled onto the mattress until he had Reg tipping over and giggling. The laughter only worsened the attraction.

“You are rather ticklish, Slivko.”

“You,” he hesitated, “you can call me Reg.”

Conrad hadn’t thought much about it but they were at a point where surnames seemed silly. He gave Reg room to roll onto his back so they could look at each other.”

“James, then.”

Reg smiled and rolled again to tuck his head beneath Conrad’s chin. He was welcomed by an arm around his middle tugging him closer and for lack of anything better to do with his hands he let them form to the structure of Conrad’s chest.

They remained that way for several minutes. It permitted Reg time to explore and move at his own pace as he mapped the curves and dips of Conrad’s body. When he was ready he kissed Conrad’s chest and pushed until granted freedom over where to move him.

It was a change of pace for Conrad. He was accustomed to playing a dominating role but didn’t mind Reg straddling him as he was doing now. The skin of Reg’s thighs was inviting and he slid his hands onto them and watched as he was taken in hand.

There was a small learning curve to a penis with intact foreskin but Reg adapted after several testing strokes. It was more fluid despite the lack of lubrication. A sort of slipping, he supposed.

He would not be able to take all of it into his mouth but he was eager to see what he could handle. He moved down the bed.

Conrad remained still and stared at the ceiling, not wanting to make Reg uncomfortable by watching, and gave him all the space and time he needed to begin at his choosing.

The wait was short. Conrad closed his eyes and sighed. Tongue and saliva and heat spilled onto his skin. A messy endeavor made moreso by Reg’s lack of experience. But his exploration and desire to learn combated any shortcomings. It was pleasant and enjoyable and as Reg bobbed his head his techniques began to surface.

Reg tried to use a similar method as Conrad had demonstrated on him. It provided a model and he varied his ministrations from there to see what worked best. His inability to take all of him into his mouth didn’t deter him. He stroked what he couldn’t handle and fell in love with the gentle hiss slithering past Conrad’s teeth.

Conrad wasn’t sure how long Reg was at it but it was long enough to cause jaw fatigue and mild panting.

“Come here.” Conrad urged him off as he sat up.

“Was it bad?”

“No. It was perfect.” Conrad pulled him onto his lap, “But you’re tired.”

“It’s okay. I can keep going.”

Conrad kissed his parted lips, “Tomorrow? I can finish with your help like this.”

He guided Reg’s hand to wrap around his erection but caught the realization in those eyes and smiled at him.

“Tomorrow?” Reg asked.

“Yes. If you’d like.”

Reg kissed him and stroked up in a firm squeeze. It was tight in all the right ways and Conrad wrapped his hand around Reg’s to lead him into a strong pace. The oral had wet his palate and he was well on his way to an orgasm with the messy handjob and Reg’s enthusiastic kissing.

The kiss was a playback of his own methods. He took his hand away now that Reg’s touch was confident and held his face in both hands. Their kiss became wet and sloppy, Reg attempting to focus on both servicing him and kissing and the divide of his attention sacrificing what he deemed the lesser task. But it was working. Conrad felt himself sweep to the edge and he didn’t hesitate before the plunge.

Reg was able to feel, taste, and hear the soft stutter and moan as Conrad climaxed. Their mouths drifted, parting with a damp noise, and their foreheads met.

The tranquil coming down was divine and when the last of Conrad’s pleasure dissipated he placed a brief kiss to the side of Reg’s mouth.

“You may consider staying away from home a little longer. I may or may not have left you with an entire army of marks.”

Reg’s hand rose to the side of his neck, “Oh.”

“You can stay here until they’re gone, if you’d like. I’ll refrain from adding more. In visible places.”

“How long do they last?”

“These? Perhaps a few days. No more than a week.”

“A week? You’ll be here that long?”

“I don’t see why not.”

Reg looked down at his hand as though he’d become aware in the last second that he had a mess of ejacualte dribbling between his fingers.

Conrad huffed, smiling, “Let’s both get cleaned up and get back to sleep. Tomorrow we can discuss more. Kiss more. Whatever you’d like.”

Reg leaned his face against Conrad’s and felt he would explode from his excitement.

He’d been kissed. And more. So much more than he ever expected to receive.

To top off his night, Conrad urged him into the shower with him and he was assisted in washing. Once clean he was toweled off and handed the same toothbrush Conrad had given him earlier. It was his now, brand new and stiff bristled.

“You’re so tired. Your eyes are red.”

Conrad boxed him against the sink and gentled him into a sweet kiss that made him feel lightheaded. His hand was taken and Conrad tugged him until he followed into the other room.

“Aren’t we going to get dressed?”

“Not necessary.” Conrad’s voice was playful.

And as Conrad pulled him into the bed he realized this evening had changed his life.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

5.1.2017


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed up, guys. There is gonna be a Part III after this because I wasn't happy enough with just two. Ended up butchering some parts and doing away with a lot. Made more work for myself but hopefully opened it up for a better ending. Part III will be up... eventually. Can't put a time table on it because I haven't written it yet. :S

PART II

 

Reg woke to sunshine on his face and the sound of the hotel door opening and closing. He propped himself up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, blinking against the harsh morning rays.

“Did I wake you?”

“Mm.” Reg looked up at Conrad but couldn’t quite focus.

“You can sleep more. I know you need it.”

“I’m okay.”

The bed dipped when Conrad sat. He set a brown bag between them.

“What’s that?”

“Supplies. If you’re interested in learning more.”

Reg made a sound of acknowledgement and tipped the bag upside down and shook out the contents.

Condoms spilled across the bed like packaged poker chips and a bottle of lubricant rolled out. A thump of something bigger and heavier made him pause.

“Is that…?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. I’ve never actually seen one.” Reg held up the small plug.

“Have you ever put a condom on?”

“Um, no.”

At Conrad’s offer to teach him, Reg was showered and clean inside five minutes and standing huddled in a towel at the side of the bed.

“You won’t be needing this.” Conrad undid the towel and let it fall in a heap at their feet.

Reg only felt vulnerable for a moment. Conrad was warm and inviting and difficult to feel insecure around.

A kiss and several light touches later Reg was hard and needy. Conrad showed him how to roll a condom on, leaving a gap at the tip, and then jacked him off while kissing his mouth, face, neck, and chest. Reg ended as a limp, satisfied puddle on the bed.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

They spent two days walking around the city trying new things. When they were at the hotel in the mornings and evenings Conrad instigated intimacy.

Reg welcomed the attention and Conrad’s openness to share his knowledge. The morning of the third day brought him an early blowjob. He reciprocated and by the time he’d finally gotten an orgasm out of Conrad he was hard again. It would have been easy to ignore, but Conrad assured him he didn’t mind.

“I remember being your age.”

Conrad’s growl in his ear made him shiver and he’d been moved onto his hands and knees and jacked off in the most efficient manner he’d experienced. All while Conrad decorated his back and shoulders in kisses and marks. It left him with a liquid sense of contentment sloshing around his body. There was an emotion gone from him for so long he didn’t initially recognize its return. But there it was. Understanding. And the ability to relate.

Conrad’s voice when aroused turned Reg on. And Conrad knew it. He was using it against him. It wasn’t a complaint.

Day four he asked about anal intercourse and Conrad spoke about his own experiences and what needed to be done regarding preparation.

“Can we try that?” Reg sat on his lap, caging him against the headboard.

“I suggest we start with fingering. We can move from there when you’re ready.”

Reg pulled off his borrowed sleep shirt and they kissed and touched until their arousals were obvious and insistent.

Conrad pressed him back, aggressive and dominating as he claimed the position of advantage. Reg submitted to the advance and wrapped his legs around Conrad’s waist to hold him still long enough to snag another lingering kiss. It was his only expression of control even as his pants were tugged free a moment later.

No more marks in visible areas limited Conrad. He fought against his desire to suck patches of bruises up and down Reg’s entire neck. Instead he exchanged sucking for light biting. It allowed him to tease the erogenous zones beneath Reg’s ears and enjoy the shivers and grateful, breathy moans the attention created.

The sounds Reg made were brimming with inexperienced sensitivity, driving Conrad into an intense breed of horny. Forcing himself to slow their pace tested his willpower. He managed despite Reg’s troublesome, teasing hands on his chest, shoulders, back, and neck. They were in his hair next scratching his scalp and dragging down his spine.

“Alright,” Conrad severed their kiss, “you are proving to be quite the little devil.”

“Mm. I consider that a compliment.” Smiling, Reg kissed his cheek and pushed and pulled his legs back and forth along Conrad’s bare sides. His remark garnered an amused smile and Conrad squeezed his thigh to settle him.

The lubricant Conrad had purchased was cold when he picked it up. He tucked the bottle into his palm and let it warm while he entertained Reg with a biting kiss.

“I’m going to boost you like I mentioned before.”

Reg confirmed he understood and lifted his hips when Conrad grabbed a pillow. He shifted until comfortable and was adjusted from there. His erection dribbled a clear trail in anticipation as he spread his legs and Conrad touched his thigh.

“You don’t seem at all nervous.”

Reg reclined, “Am I supposed to be?”

“No, but most are their first time.”

“I trust you.”

That gave Conrad pause. He was happy to hear the words. Stricken with pride, even, to know he put Reg at ease and made him feel secure.

“This may be a little cold yet. It’s going to feel wet and slick.”

He pushed one of Reg’s legs up and folded it near his chest. The flexibility was enough to ease the process but he didn’t jump straight to business. Caressing thighs and stroking Reg’s erection a few times readied him for his touch. When he spread a bead of lubricant on the pad of his index finger the snap of the bottle’s cap shutting made Reg shift his legs further apart.

Reg felt the lukewarm press of Conrad’s finger against his pucker and fought to remain still. It was now apparent he was sensitive there and the initial touch was all at once too much and not enough. Thrilling yet teasing, he thought he may tear apart when the finger rubbed firm back and forth and sparked a strong burn of pleasure deep in his belly.

He dropped his head back and propped his lifted leg on Conrad’s shoulder and groaned. At his feedback the pressure developed into a gliding circle and soon a steady, slow push that pressed the tip just inside causing him to bite his lip. He shivered and his erection wept.

Conrad set a hand on Reg’s thigh to stabilize him. He was certain Reg was unaware of his own shifting. He probed his finger deeper, to the second knuckle, and stopped. The grip of muscle around him wasn’t harsh. Reg was relaxed. Receptive. It was arousing.

Reg liked the withdraw of the finger as much as the entry, especially when its removal was followed half a breath later by a more insistent reentry. A few seconds he spent wondering how past partner’s of Conrad’s compared to his progression. He tossed the thoughts in favor of focusing on the push-pull drag of the finger lighting his nerve endings ablaze. Another wet trail chased from the tip of his erection to the base. He was leaking a substantial amount.

Conrad licked his lips but stayed his desire to go down on Reg. There were different matters requiring his attention and he twisted and curled his finger inside him. It elicited a feeble moan that begged for more. He applied another modest drop of lubricant and tilted his own hips to bring some relief to his confined erection. Jeans were turning out to be a poor choice of apparel for lounging.

Reg felt his arousal churn tighter. Desperate. He scratched at the sheets for purchase and hissed when the single finger went deeper. The last knuckle stopped its journey and he shivered knowing just how long Conrad’s fingers were. It moved inside him. Shallow in and out motions led to a fleeting mild pleasure that repeated with every flick-like touch to a corner inside him. His fingers fisted in the sheets then, his brow furrowing and his body craving a more direct contact in that same place. Conrad had told him about this part. The prostate. He didn’t expect it to feel this intense.

“J-James.”

“Are you alright?”

“God yes.” Reg arched his back and tugged at Conrad with his leg. He needed more than this gentling. He was shaking and on the verge of panting. He’d never felt so close to an orgasm yet so far.

“Are you ready for a second?”

“Please.” His voice was a breathy mess.

Conrad bent his head and kissed Reg’s inner thigh as it quivered. Another droplet of lubricant smeared onto his index and middle finger would suffice. He teased the pair inside, careful of the sensitized grip of Reg. As he worked he saw the unfurling of Reg’s composure. This was perhaps far more pleasurable a process for Reg than anyone Conrad had been with before. The level of receptivity was not attributed solely to his lack of prior exposure but likely a natural and agreeably beneficial sensitivity. The sight of Reg near squirming beneath him and emitting panting whines of not-quite-there frustration was feeding Conrad’s arousal. He curled his fingers against Reg’s prostate but kept his touch light.

“Ah, god, ahh.” Reg hissed and tried to still his fidgeting. The deep simmer inside him craved a swift deliverance. At the same instant he didn’t want to give up this intense pleasure so soon. He wasn’t sure if it was an intentional strategy by Conrad to delay him, but the touches to his prostate were intermittent enough to keep his orgasm from advancing.

There he stayed, balancing on a thin wire between torturous pleasure and orgasm, until Conrad was three fingers inside him and he thought he might be losing his mind. He wanted more. And he didn’t want to wait.

“James,” he panted, “please, just…”

Conrad soothed him with a soft shushing sound, leaning down to kiss his cheek. It worsened his desire. He turned his face so their cheeks met, and spoke quiet and desperate.

“Please just have me. I can’t - I can’t handle this anymore. I want you t-to-” His voice died away and he bit back a sob of frustration. He was so close.

“Alright, alright.” Conrad relented and retracted his fingers, leaving an emptiness that did nothing but agitate Reg’s desperation. He was quick to undress, slip a condom on, and coat himself with lubricant.

“If I hurt you, stop me. Understand?”

“Yes.” Reg found an interval of sobriety but it was brief. Conrad kissed him, scattering Reg’s collected senses, and lined himself up. The bump of his tip fitting against the ring of muscle increased Reg’s roughness and he nipped Conrad’s lips and face. His response to the playful attack was to nuzzle it into submission as he breached him.

Reg’s breath hitched when the swell of crown slipped inside. He moaned and knew it was an obscene noise. It pressed and pressed deeper inside him, spreading and filling, until he thought he was near his limit of what he could take. Conrad stopped before it was too much and fell still.

Gritting his teeth to prevent swearing, Conrad knew sex hadn’t felt this good in years. And he had barely started. It was Reg’s responses to him, he knew, that were destroying his stamina. He breathed deep to regroup and when he had a handle on himself he withdrew until nearly slipping out.

Reg sucked in a cool breath of air and his entire body quaked as Conrad’s second thrust filled him. He was leaking again. His tether frayed and he held onto the last of his control. The drag of Conrad’s easy withdrawal was a tantalizing promise of a third plunge. A hand wrapped around his erection and stroked at the same slow pace as the third thrust. The hand dragged down his length, tight, as Conrad withdrew. Tears welled in Reg’s eyes as his approaching orgasm bubbled up inside of him. The achey, pleasurable burn of stimulation was a sensation he hadn’t been aware he was craving. Like scratching an aggressive itch, the longer Conrad was inside him the better the sensation.

His erection was squeezed at the base and the following upward stroke proceeded as slowly as the fourth thrust. He was making high pitched noises now. Right on the edge.

Conrad bullied his face to one side and as his erection bumped against his prostate and his hand finished the stroke in a hard twist at his crown, teeth set into his neck below his ear that chased a sharp, tingling, pleasurable pain down his spine.

It broke him.

Reg was launched into his orgasm and beyond. He sobbed and felt himself spill onto his own chest, hot and violent. His sight, though his eyes were clenched shut, was bathed in shocking white light. Shaking and moaning half sobs, he had to twist away from Conrad’s mouth. It was too much.

His face wet with tears, his legs trembling, Reg felt almost crippled. But it was good and left him soaking in a slowly draining pool of pleasure.

The initial intensity over, he slumped against the bed and spoke through his panting.

“I couldn’t… I can’t… handle both. You doing that and stroking me. Was f-fucking intense.”

“You,” Conrad kissed his temple and spoke quiet into his ear, “are very, very sensitive.”

Reg made an exhausted, whining moan and it sounded needy. He was wiped clean with a corner of the bedsheet and given time for some of the post orgasm haze to lift. When it did and his strength returned, he folded his arms around Conrad’s neck and shoulders. Tilting his hips forced him deeper.

“Keep going. I want you to finish inside me.”

The added scorch of arousal caused by the words rallied Conrad and he layered kisses over Reg’s throat. He thrust carefully to test the waters. When Reg offered no objections he moved a bit faster, reached a bit deeper. And he was welcomed by Reg’s encouraging arms and the quiet moans he was now making. He braced a hand on Reg’s hip and began snapping into him, his thrusts shortened and quick.

Reg scratched his fingers closed in a tight grip on the hair at the nape of Conrad’s neck. He kissed beside his ear, holding him close while allowing him room to perform, and whispered to him.

“You feel so good.”

Maybe it was the prior vocalizations building him up that led to his sudden orgasm, or maybe he had a thing for praise. Either way he went rigid in Reg’s arms and curled his hips in a rough grind. He worried for a moment he went too deep but no signs of distress surfaced and he was able to fall from his high unburdened.

Content and warm, he pulled out and rolled to the side to prevent collapsing on top of Reg. He felt like laughing he was so sated. A hand on his chest broke apart his humor and replaced it with a fond tranquility as Reg curled against his side.

“Mm,” Reg sounded tired, “is this okay?”

Conrad buried his fingers in Reg’s hair and turned to press a kiss against the cool damp skin of his forehead.

“More than.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Two weeks Conrad stayed. The days were filled with good food, fun outings, and an amount of sex that left him needing a week of recovery.

But he didn’t regret any of it. They had been opportunistic with their intimacy, but now it was time for Reg to return home.  _ Before  _ his parents sent out a search party that was threatened over the phone on day two of their escape from reality. Reg made it a point to call his mother every two or three days to check in. It steadied both his and his mother’s nerves but only stoked his father’s anger. Reg knew what awaited him upon his return but he was prepared. Over the course of their two week hiatus from life’s drudgery he’d grown and developed confidence in who he was. Inside him was a blossoming sense of freedom, and his father couldn’t take that from him.

After a shower together but before checkout they kissed until Reg’s lips were swollen. It felt like a goodbye but also a promise of things to come.

They took a cab to the Slivko residence. Reg’s father was at work and it was time.

“I’d like to come back to see you. Soon.”

Reg smiled, happy and relieved, “I’d like that.”

“In two weeks?”

He nodded and Conrad resisted kissing him and instead set a hand on the side of his neck and rubbed his thumb over the skin there. It was as affectionate as a kiss and it was as good a goodbye as any. He turned and left Reg standing near the stark white of the front door and headed to the cab still waiting at the curb. He stopped halfway.

Reg looked confused as Conrad walked back to him. There was a fracture in his poker face. Concern. Sadness. Longing.

“Don’t think this is just about sex. It’s not.”

Reg bit his lower lip and nodded. He expelled a happy laugh then and leaned into a warm, one-armed embrace.

When Conrad tossed his duffel onto the backseat of the cab and took his seat he gave his destination to the driver and closed the door. As they drove away he watched Reg open the door to his home and saw the arms of Mrs. Slivko spill out to clutch her son in an overjoyed embrace.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

“How was your visit? You were gone quite a while.”

Conrad made a neutral noise and set the kettle heating.

“What was that?” Mason laughed from the table, “Did you enjoy seeing him?”

“I did.”

“And?”

He sat across from her, “I’ll be returning in two weeks.”

“Wow. You two must be hitting it off.”

“More or less.”

She rolled her eyes and Conrad knew she knew.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

At the end of his first week back, Conrad used the phone number Mason had stolen for him and called the Slivko house. He timed it after 1pm on a Friday to ensure he wouldn’t be interrupting lunch and could avoid being met with Mr. Slivko on the other side of the line.

Mrs. Slivko answered and was happy to hear from him. She called for Reg and he was picking up within ten seconds.

A conversation scheduling his next visit turned into casual discussion about life and what they’d been up to.

Reg had been gardening and doing repairs and upkeep on the house. He’d spent the better part of Wednesday evening and night replacing a faulty emissions system on his father’s car.

“Took me three times longer than it should have because whoever installed the aftermarket parts didn’t do it properly. No wonder the car was so noisy. I was a mess by the time I finished.”

“Do you enjoy working on cars?”

“It’s alright. I prefer other stuff, though. Like small engines or accessories like record players. Even trinkets are fun. Watches.”

Conrad smiled and walked from his refrigerator to his table, the phone cord trailing, and sat as he cracked open a bottle of wine a new neighbor had given him.

“What are you up to?”

“Having a glass of wine.”

“Sounds relaxing.”

“Mm.” He took a sip from the bottle, “Had I been thinking I would have saved it for the visit. I’ll just have to buy something there.”

“We do have plenty of liquor stores here.”

“Are there any specific places you’d like to go when I’m there?”

“Actually, yeah. I was wondering if you’d like to go hiking and camping. We’d have to rent a car and drive for several hours but it’ll be worth it.”

Conrad liked the idea.

“But when you get here I’ll have to be sneaky about leaving. This is dumb but my dad said I was grounded when he saw me back.”

Conrad laughed.

“I know, I know.” Reg sighed, “Grown man getting his ass grounded.”

“Do you actually obey that?”

“Not at all. And he is getting mad.”

“How is your mother taking that?”

“She’s staying out of it, but only because she can’t keep a straight face. I was actually thinking about getting a job and moving out, but I was gone so long there are a lot of things that still need to be done around the property. Mom fell behind in gardening the last two years so her canning stocks are really low. So I’ve been pretty busy with all the prep work and chores.”

“That’s really kind of you to stay and help her.”

Conrad asked what else he had on his plate and they filled hours of their afternoon. Reg eventually yawned and Conrad saw it was nearing 4pm. Mr. Slivko could be home anytime.

“One more week.” He assured him as their chat drew to an end.

“I miss you.”

The honesty and sad edge of Reg’s admission stabbed Conrad and he responded, calm and collected despite his now pounding heart.

“I miss you, too.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The week dragged on but when Conrad boarded his plane he drifted into a long nap and woke when they were landing.

A cab carried him to the car rental Reg had provided the address to and he found him waiting near the entrance. They embraced and Conrad kissed his cheek in a discreet manner that left Reg beaming.

Reg paid the rental fees and insurance and drove them outside the city. He was a controlled, competent driver.

They stopped at a rest area. It was vacant and they spent the lunch hour eating food Reg had prepared that morning. When done Conrad leaned over and kissed him.

They twisted together on the blanket in the grass, exchanging two weeks of pent up desire in a public place until Reg was panting.

“W-we have to stop. We can’t… do this here.”

“You’re right.” Conrad said, “We left the condoms in the car.”

Reg laughed and was scooped up the next moment. Conrad carried him bridal style and spread him out on the back bench seat.

“Are we really doing this? Here? Now? In the car?”

“Yes.”

Conrad covered him in kisses and sucking bites. Reg followed his flow and they worked around the cramped space until they were a tangled mess of post orgasm bliss. He shivered after a time and noted the dip in temperature.

“The sky is really dark.”

“I smell rain.”

A crack of thunder rumbled above them.

“Oh.” Reg looked out the back window at the angry storm clouds, “I completely forgot. We’re in for severe thunderstorms.”

“The food is still out there.”

“Fuck. Where are my pants?”

“I’ll go.” Conrad shifted and opened the door and a cold current swept in.

“Hey - hey! Your pants!”

“Hold onto them.”

Reg fell back on the seat laughing as Conrad made his way across the concrete path and over the grass in his birthday suit. He sat up to watch him gather their things and on his return the rain began to patter. He hurried back but not before he was damp and cool to the touch.

“Get in here!” Reg accepted the cooler and blanket and then pulled him inside. He smiled and yanked Conrad into a kiss after the door was shut.

Lightning flashed, illuminating the world around them, and the rain fell harder.

They would have to wait it out.

After patting Conrad dry and wrapping him in the blanket, Reg pulled on his clothes. The rain was a tranquilizer and they watched the forceful progression of nature as it trampled the ground in millions of raindrops.

Now and again Reg smiled or laughed to himself. Finally, turning his attention from the downpour, Conrad invaded his space and inquired.

“What are you giggling about over here?”

The back seat creaked with their weight on one half of the car. Reg dropped his head onto Conrad’s collar and soaked in the one-armed embrace as his grin spread wide.

“You running in the rain naked.”

“We have to add excitement to our lives, wouldn’t you agree?”

“You’ve definitely brought that into my life.” Reg tilted his head up, shifting back onto Conrad’s shoulder, and looked at him with a lopsided smile that spoke of his fondness.

“Good.”

Conrad cupped the base of Reg’s skull and leaned him away enough to kiss his languid lips. Their earlier orgasms left them malleable to one another’s touch and their connection lingered until it came to an unhurried end. Reg’s kissing was developed now. It pulled Conrad in and brought him back again and again. He’d missed their kisses and post sex lounging and conversing.

With the rain pummeling the roof of the car they were relaxed and free of stress. Surrounded by the storm’s music and Reg’s warm personality, Conrad wasn’t ready to let go of the closeness at the demise of their kiss. He pulled Reg closer, almost insisting on the proximity, and was relieved to find he was snuggled against. Reg found a comfortable bend to his form and slipped both arms around his middle and heaved a content sigh.

“I’m never going to forget today. I’ll be on my death bed and my last thought will be you wet and naked and running.”

Conrad’s face crinkled at the corners of his eyes, his smile so great.

“I take this as a challenge to do one more memorable.”

Reg laughed then, soft and tired but full of happiness.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

They spent a week camping. The sounds of nature drowned the residual auditory hallucinations of city life and left them feeling recharged and emotionally serene.

Reg was good at fishing. Conrad handled chopping wood and gathering supplies. Every evening they sat and leaned against one another as their fire burned. They drank cocoa the last evening and shared stories. It was peaceful and perfect and he didn’t want to let it go.

But Reg had told his mother he would be back to check in after a week. Any longer without communication was asking too much.

Upon their return they decided to keep the rental car until after visiting his mother. Conrad was still in town for another week before his flight to D.C. and his booked hotel was waiting for them.

Mrs. Slivko ushered them inside when they arrived and kissed Reg’s cheeks despite how dirt smudged he was. They both smelled like campfire. It was on their skin and imbedded in their clothes. A shower would soon be in order.

Mrs. Slivko made them an early dinner at her insistence and before Mr. Slivko returned they were on their way.

And it continued in that pattern for months. Two weeks in Detroit. Two weeks in D.C.. Until Conrad received a call from Brooks asking him to come in.

He had no room to refuse.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

“What’s going on?” Reg sat beside him on the hotel bed, “You’ve been kinda quiet since you arrived.”

“Brooks spoke to me recently. Regarding my visits.”

“Oh?” Reg sounded worried, “Bad?”

“Not necessarily. Just something we need to discuss and come to a decision on.”

Reg was still worried and Conrad knew he was sensing the unspoken tension. Turning to face him revealed Reg’s burdened eyes. He touched his face, contouring his palm to the clean complexion and elegant cheekbones, and sighed.

“You haven’t been sleeping well.”

Reg made an affirming noise.

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah.”

“Do they plague you less when I am here?”

Reg nodded. Conrad’s hand fell away.

“Brooks wants me to stop traveling so much.”

There was a rigid silence that lasted too long. Reg broke it.

“So I won’t see you anymore?”

Conrad made a face, his brow curious, and asked, “How do you feel about moving to Washington?”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

5.8.2017


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a little while. Hi again. You'll be getting some extra chapters. More babbling from me at the end. Enjoy.

Part III

 

Reg asked for three months at home before moving.

It was nothing, Conrad thought. Three months was a flash of light in the span of his life.

But after two months he was miserable. Mason called him out on it.

“You have one month left. That’s four weeks.”

“I know.” Conrad covered his face and reclined on the rooftop ledge. He felt pathetic.

“So stop moping and do something with that time. Plan a road trip. Compile new recipes. Solve a puzzle. Rearrange furniture. Go to the library for crap’s sake.”

Conrad was finding it difficult to distract himself. The following days were none better despite Mason’s advice. He didn’t want to call Reg. Well, he did. But he didn’t want to keep him from completing his goals. The more he interrupted the less Reg would accomplish. That meant he had to abstain from indulging himself lest he lengthen their time apart.

His plight seemed never ending until he came home from a morning run to find a box at his door. It depicted his first name in handwriting that was Mason’s.

Inside was a collection of metal puzzles. The kind that needed to be separated.

That kept him busy for three days. He put them back together and kept them on a bookshelf as decoration.

After solving the final puzzle he made tea and sat on the balcony. The summer night was cool. Autumn was nearly upon them.

A ringing from the kitchen drew him inside and he picked up the phone expecting it to be Brooks or someone else from Monarch.

The late hour betrayed his expectations.

“Hi.” It was Reg.

“ _ This _ is a pleasant surprise.” Conrad’s voice bent around his smile, “Aren’t you normally in bed now?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Miss you.”

A warmth ignited in Conrad.

“I don’t even remember the last time we talked.”

“Same.” Conrad said, “Mason is dying to see you. As am I, as she... graciously pointed out to me days ago.”

Reg’s laugh relaxed Conrad.

“I’m, uh,” Reg sighed, “almost done helping with the canning. It’s a good haul. Lots of cleanup, though. But I’m on schedule. Might even be a day early.”

“How have things been with your father?”

“Oh, you know. Not great.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

There was a pause filled by Reg sucking in a long breath of air like he were coating himself in mental armor.

“He doesn’t like it. Me moving out there. I think he feels I’m abandoning the family.”

“He’s the one who abandoned you.”

“Yeah.” Came the quiet reply, “I feel like I lost him years ago, but then I realize he is the same person he’s been since I can remember. This is just a facet of his personality that I didn’t see when I was a kid. But, hey, I’ve got my mom.”

“I worry about her.”

“You worry about my mom?”

“Of course. You’re coming out here and she has to stay with that.”

That got another laugh out of Reg, “Good point. Aww, now I feel bad. I’ll have to be diligent about calling her every week or so.”

“I’m sure she’d love that. I’ll send her something nice.”

“You’re gonna send my mom something?” His smile was in his every word.

“Mm.” Conrad confirmed and opened a pamphlet on his table.

“Like what?”

“Well, I have this advertisement for gift baskets in front of me. Marketing addressed to the generic. Everyone in the building received one so of course I ended up with six of them.”

“That makes sense.”

“There’s one here I think she’d fancy. Flower seeds, gardening tools, mixed variety of foods, a sunhat, some other miscellany, and it all comes in a large planter.”

“How much is that?”

“Not important.”

“ _ Hey _ .”

Conrad smiled, “Hey.”

Reg chuckled, “If you send her that she’s going to adore you even more. Might even adopt you.”

“Then I’m scheduling it to arrive the day after you’ve left.”

“That’s only three weeks away. Getting closer.”

“I’m not an advocate of waiting.”

Another laugh. Music for his soul.

Waiting to see, touch, and taste Reg left him depressed, but the simple repetition of his carefree laugh echoing in his ears brightened his spirit.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad considered meeting Reg at the airport but knew it was a terrible idea. He would want to kiss Reg upon their reuniting and that was not something they needed to be doing at a terminal.

Instead he went to the apartment Monarch had set up for Reg. It wasn’t in the same building as Conrad’s due to a lack of vacancies but was instead a fifteen minute walk away. The complex was a bit older but still nice. He waited outside the door.

Third floor. Apartment 1C. A corner with a balcony that wrapped around.

The elevator dinged and Conrad turned to face the center of the hall.

Out walked Reg holding a large military duffel and wearing a pack that looked like it had seen as many tours as its owner. Reg looked at the numbers on the doors in front of him and searched the hall opposite of Conrad.

“Reg.” He called.

Reg’s head snapped around and he was smiling.

“What are you doing here?”

“Welcoming you home.” He met him halfway and took his duffel and leaned in to kiss him.

“Mm.” Reg’s hands found Conrad’s chest and he pushed up against the slow-to-start kiss before he slid his fingers higher until they were laced in tight curls of hair. He pulled Conrad down, forcing him to bend, and tilted his head. Deepening the kiss to the point he almost felt swallowed by Conrad’s dominance, Reg sighed and emitted a wavering noise. He’d waited three months to kiss Conrad and now his knees were weak.

The duffel dropped and Conrad pushed the pack off Reg to embrace him. He drew him against his chest and they almost stumbled before his arm braced against the nearest wall. His free hand planted to Reg’s back for support. Their kiss never faltered.

It was Reg who ended the battle, needing air, and he stood panting against Conrad’s mouth and holding his face. His hands were shaking.

“As much as I would love to drop everything and continue this right now, I have a bunch of luggage downstairs unattended.”

“I’ll assist.” Conrad kissed him, brief, and they unlocked the apartment.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg rubbed his eyes after his nap and fumbled around before finding the kitchen lightswitch. He was more thirsty than groggy otherwise he never would have gotten out of bed. Conrad’s arms had been warm-hot and ridiculously comfortable. He’d slightly woken him getting up but eased him with the knowledge he was in need of water.

They had unpacked nothing other than hygiene products and bedding. It left Reg without anything to put water in so he improvised and used his hands. He shook them off, realizing he also didn’t have any hand towels out, and went to the large trunk he knew his mother had packed for him.

Opening it revealed she had gone shopping for him. There was a box on top wrapped in floral paper and tied with a ribbon. The tag read,  _ To: Captain Conrad. _ It made him smile.

He put the gift on the kitchen counter and sorted through the rest of the trunk. Near the top he excavated new hand towels and a small set of dishes.

His mother was too wonderful.

To avoid any accidents he placed the dishes in the sink and returned to find a small bottle of dish soap that was enough to get him started.

Awake now, he decided to get the chore over with and washed all the dishes he’d found. When he was rinsing the last of them he heard the floor creak and looked up.

Conrad was still half asleep and wearing only pants as he stepped into the kitchen to see Reg rinsing a plate. He said nothing as he padded over and boxed him against the counter. His hands found the trim waistline and he lowered to place a kiss to the nape of a cool neck.

“Mmph,” Conrad nuzzled his hair, “you’re cold.”

“You’re warm from bed.”

Conrad grunted and wrapped his arms around Reg’s skinny middle and leaned into him the slightest bit. Their earlier sex left him feeling relaxed and affectionate. Reg must have felt the same, as he was leaning in reciprocation.

“There’s a gift on the table for you. From my mom.”

“What is it?”

“Dunno. I didn’t even know she hid it in my stuff. You should open it so I don’t have to wonder.”

Conrad huffed, amused, and kissed his cheek before slipping away. Reg put the last dish on the counter to dry and shut the water off. He turned to see Conrad rotating the card with his name on it.

Opening the wrapping without tearing a single section of paper seemed very much like Conrad to Reg. It happened seemingly without effort, which was also very Conrad.

The box inside was a deep, solid brown color like rich chocolate. Gold embellishments ran along the sides and corners and Conrad made a sound as though he recognized the packaging. He pulled the top slip cover off and Reg leaned on the counter beside him as the contents were revealed.

“Tea?” Reg was familiar with the packets but he didn’t recognize the glitzy tins or steel object that looked like a tiny pasta strainer. There was also the smallest kettle Reg had ever seen.

“A tea set. Bagged and loose leaf tea, a timer, and a petite cast iron kettle with a strainer. High quality from an English supplier. Your mother went out of her way.”

“Neat.”

“Very.” Conrad picked up one of the two tins and opened it. He smelled it and offered it.

“That smells really good. What is it?”

“Bergamont. It’s Earl Grey Tea. One of the most popular. Would you like to try it?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you had tea before?”

“Only a couple times. Mostly Chamomile when I wasn’t feeling well.”

They washed the kettle and set it on the stove full of cold water.

“Normally this calls for bottled or filtered water, but until we acquire some of that we’ll survive.”

When the water began to boil a few minutes later Conrad removed it from the heat and guided Reg to the counter in front of him.

“We’re going to measure a teaspoon of loose leaf.”

He stood behind Reg and assisted him in the preparations, ghosting his hand along the back of his as they poured the water and set the timer to two minutes.

“Now we let it steep.”

“It already smells great.”

“Mm.” Conrad fanned his fingers across Reg’s lower belly and inhaled against the skin of his neck. The combination of Reg’s natural scent and the bergamont was intoxicating. He didn’t understand why he loved the smell of Reg. He craved that scent and missed it when they were apart.

Reg chuckled and squirmed when Conrad kissed below his ear.

“That tickled. Your stubble is coming in already.” Reg turned and held the backs of Conrad’s arms to urge him for more. He was met with a kiss that played a here-and-gone-again pattern. It served to make him impatient and aggressive. His solution was to hold the back of Conrad’s head at the base of his skull and pull him in. He felt the smile against his mouth and knew Conrad had been teasing him.

Two could play at that game, Reg figured. He scratched through Conrad’s hair slow and hard and reveled in the long, deep inhale it garnered. Their kiss turned rough and Reg lost himself to the heat and openness of Conrad’s body and personality.

The timer buzzed and Conrad’s hand shot out and covered it, stopping the dial and silencing its alert. His hand stayed, clenched on the plastic contraption as their kiss continued. Reg’s nails descending his neck left a burning trail of pleasure in the form of welts. The fire was addicting and they only parted to suck in a breath. A moment later their dance continued and Conrad wondered if he’d ever grow tired of kissing him.

The tea was bitter by now.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg settled into his new life with ease. He spent more nights at Conrad’s than his own apartment and had a collection of his belongings there as well.

Conrad didn’t mind. The company was never unwelcome.

They went on morning runs together and came home and showered. Sometimes they had sex afterwards. Other times they moved into making breakfast together.

A particularly bitter Fall morning when they came home the phone was ringing. Conrad answered it as Reg made himself useful and began undoing the drawstring on his pants for him.

“Hello?”

Reg slipped his fingers beneath the lip of Conrad’s pants and molded himself to his back and listened to the beat of his heart and vibrations of his voice.

“You know you could just walk down the hall to say hello.”

There was a pause as Mason spoke.

“I am not  _ keeping _ him from you. Just get over here, you scamp.” He said goodbye, smiling, and hung up.

“One more for breakfast?”

“Perhaps.” Conrad turned and kissed him.

Mason gave them five minutes before she knocked on their door. They invited her in and offered breakfast, which she accepted.

After their meal they sat around Conrad’s kitchen table talking.

“So Slivko,” Mason eyed him, “what’s it like to wander around the city next to this rugged bloke?”

Reg laughed and Conrad gave her a look that said he wasn’t following.

“It was weird at first.”

“I bet.”

“What are you two going on about?” Conrad finished his tea and Mason directed her best innocent smile his way.

“We’re talking about how bloody attractive you are.”

“What?”

Reg looked at him, overly dead serious to the point of intended comedy, and said, “My mom thinks you’re so handsome, Captain.”

Conrad’s poker face dissolved and was followed by the collapse of Reg’s. They chuckled but Reg went on.

“It’s true, though. You’re a handsome bastard and everyone stares after when we go places.”

“Maybe they’re staring at you.”

“Not a chance. You’re the one with presence.”

Conrad, still smiling, looked down at his empty teacup and rotated it.

Mason had never seen smiles like that on Conrad before.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg folded the newspaper but kept the classifieds on top to peruse in the morning. He was looking for a job to occupy his time and put away savings, lest he become complacent or a burden to Conrad.

He peeled off his shirt as he headed to bed, having showered not long ago, and waited for Conrad to finish in the bathroom. The scrape of metal on wood was stark in the dead of late evening as he picked a metal puzzle off the nightstand. He’d been having fun with the little brain teasers for two days and he was on the last one.

Before he sat on his usual side of Conrad’s large bed he turned his record player on and started a vinyl of Billie Holiday playing. The room filled with a gentle melody and he began work on the last puzzle.

Conrad entered the bedroom, damp from his shower, and dropped his dirty clothes in the hamper beside the door. He bent and picked up Reg’s shirt off the floor, which didn’t quite make it in earlier, and let it join the rest of their clothes.

Reg didn’t look up as the bed shifted from Conrad’s added weight. He remained focused on the puzzle but lifted his hand to touch the side of Conrad’s neck when he moved behind him. He smiled when his face was kissed several times.

“I love the fact you sleep naked.”

“Mm. Why is that?” Conrad coiled his arms around Reg and held him to his chest. Reg turned so the next kiss was on his lips. They parted unhurried and Reg sighed sounding pleased.

"Easier to get into your pants if I don’t physically have to get into your pants.”

Conrad smiled, “I see you’re wearing pants.”

“I like to make a little work for you sometimes. Can’t make it too easy otherwise you might get bored.”

“I’m not sure you could bore me.”

Reg leaned into him, “Slow down there, Hot Shot. If you’re not careful you’ll give me the vapors talking like that.”

“Ohh but I’d love to see that.” Conrad kissed below Reg’s jaw and spoke quiet against the shell of his ear, “Reg Slivko, weak kneed and flushed. Near fainting. Fun to imagine.”

Reg was smiling as the metal puzzle came apart. The firm swell of Conrad’s chest as he inhaled was relaxing. A kiss was placed to his shoulder and prompted him to turn his head.

“You solved all of them a day faster than I did.” Conrad said and kissed his smiling mouth.

Reg hummed and set the pieces on the nightstand to dedicate all of himself to the kiss. The sweep and brush of their skin against bedsheets rustled in Reg’s ears and collided with Billie Holiday. He tugged at Conrad and their roughness doubled until he felt his lips were bruised enough.

Their severance left Reg lightheaded and his eyes crept open to see Conrad on the move. He was gifted with kisses across his cheek and in response stretched his neck to let them fall lower and lower until Conrad was sucking at his collar. He’d missed the lovebites and wished they could be placed anywhere without worry.

Conrad returned to his lips but was gentle this time. The kiss did not linger but it was just as meaningful as all the others.

“You’ve gotten very good at kissing.”

“I have a great teacher. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Name’s Captain James Conrad. He’s kind of a beast. Probably legendary in some places.”

Conrad chuckled, “Is this how you flirt?”

“I’m gonna have to come clean. My mother taught me that trick. We used to spin crazy stories about each other when I was a kid. Always used our full names with a silly title of some sort.”

“Really? What is your mother’s name?”

“My mom’s? Regina.”

Conrad displayed a half amused, half intrigued look and asked, “Are you named after her?”

“Yeah.” Reg smiled bright, “And she’s named after her father, Reginald.”

“Is your name short for Reginald?”

“No I told you I’m named after my mom. My name’s short for Regina.”

Conrad’s lips tugged up at the corners, “Funny.”

“But in all seriousness I’m just Reg.” He drew an invisible diagonal line downward with his hand, “Name gets shorter with every new generation. If I have a kid I’ll be required to name it  _ R _ ! Like a pirate.”

Conrad’s smile blossomed and he kissed Reg’s cheek as he shifted closer, “You are full of it today. Where did you inherit your sense of humor? Hm?”

“My grandma!” Reg giggled as Conrad advanced and kissed him over and over across his face and neck. The affectionate rumble of Conrad’s laugh echoed in Reg’s ears and he submitted to the playful assault.

The phone rang.

“Mm.” Conrad parted from him, “It is very late to be getting phone calls.”

“That means it’s Brooks.”

“Hopefully just a meeting.” Conrad kissed him once more before he went to the kitchen and answered the blaring.

It was indeed Brooks. As they talked Conrad heard Reg enter and plaster himself to his back. He smiled at Reg’s impression of a pouting child as he listened to Brooks give him a rundown on new locations and information they wanted him to look into.

Reg listened to Conrad’s side of the conversation and knew he would be going on assignment soon. A large, warm hand came to rest over his forearm. Conrad’s thumb stroked his skin and he loved it. He squeezed Conrad but when the call ended he lessened his grip to allow him to turn in his arms.

“They’re sending you somewhere again.”

“Yes.” Conrad bent and kissed the top of his head.

“How long will you be gone?”

“Brooks estimated two months.”

“When do you leave?”

“Morning.”

“Short notice.” Reg stood straight and his face was worried, “Be careful.”

“Always am. Always will be.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Two months allowed Reg plenty of time to worry. He received two letters from Conrad and they both eased his stress some. Knowing he was still alive and not lost granted him better sleep but it still wasn’t ideal.

When the two months were over and Conrad opened the door one evening Reg dropped the spatula he’d been using for dinner and near sprang across the room.

Conrad let his duffel fall where he stood and used both arms to welcome him into his space. The familiar smell of hair and skin assaulted his senses and he held Reg’s youthful, clean shaven face in one hand and mashed his nose and lips to his cheek. He inhaled as he kissed, tugging Reg further against his body. The contact made his chest feel tight. It was revitalizing to hold and touch but it wasn’t enough to settle his desires. He wanted more of him even as those skinny arms spilled over his shoulders and corralled him into a hard kiss.

Reg emitted a wavering, needy sound against his mouth. Nothing made him feel more wanted.

He touched Reg’s sides with the flats of his palms, rubbing from hips to ribs until he couldn’t resist any longer and slipped beneath the thin fabric of a worn shirt. The aged cotton rippled as he bunched it and cast the splayed tips of his fingers all along smooth skin. They dove lower and displaced the loose fitting slacks Reg often slept in.

No underwear.

A normal choice for Reg on a night at home. They parted and shared a breath. Reg looked pained and on the verge of tears. His eyes were red and his arms were trembling like he didn’t dare let go.

“Are you alright?”

Reg made a motion to nod but the honesty in him maimed it and he ended up with something that was half nod and half shake. Their foreheads touched and Conrad smoothed his hands along his spine and generated a soothing sound. Reg inhaled stiff and sharp and grit his teeth. He was attempting to hold off tears, Conrad knew.

“Hey, hey.” Conrad rocked him, his voice a whisper, “Is something wrong?”

Reg shook his head, “I’m just glad you’re back and alright. Thank you for writing me.”

“I should have written more from the looks of it.” Conrad kissed his forehead, “Can I do anything for you?”

“No it’s okay. I’m just a crybaby.”

“You’re very sleep deprived I can tell.”

“Maybe a little.”

Conrad had seen the effects of sleep deprivation in past comrades of his. Emotions were difficult to mitigate when a person had not slept in days. He crouched and hefted him. There was a small sound of surprise from Reg and it made him smile. He placed him on the counter beside the sink but stayed his urge to kiss him.

“Maybe a lot.” Reg admitted, “But only recently. I was doing okay for most of the time. Past week has been kinda rough.”

“Tonight, if you’re having troubles, any at all, wake me.”

“I don’t want to do that. You just got back and need rest, too.”

“We can sleep in together. Doesn’t matter how late.”

“That sounds great.”

“Yeah?” Conrad shifted and bumped his lips to the shell of his ear, “So wake me if you need me. Alright?”

Reg nodded, “Can you kiss me?”

Conrad did. It was slow and sweet and evolved into a series of strung together kisses. He skated his hands up the outsides of Reg’s thighs with a slow, firm pressure. When they drifted apart Reg bowed into him and buried his face against his neck. Conrad cupped along his cheek and the back of his jaw, fingers curving to touch his neck, and rubbed his thumb faintly across the dark rings beneath his eyes. From there he caressed up, the whisper of skin on skin lighting his senses, until his fingers were in Reg’s hair and stroking over his scalp.

Reg inhaled long and deep and let the breath escape with all his tension. He was at ease and the solid structure and unforgettable, wild smell of Conrad under his hands was proof that this was not a dream. Conrad was alive and unharmed and  _ home _ .

“What are you making?”

Reg murmured, “Pasta in a tomato sauce with chicken.”

“Sounds wonderful. May I help?”

Conrad’s assistance expedited the process and they had eaten and put the food away within the hour. The dishes did make it to the sink but they were ignored when Conrad drew Reg against him.

“Those can wait.” He kissed his cheek, “Let’s get ourselves cleaned up. Then bed. You need it.”

They showered together. Conrad noted the length of Reg’s hair with fond amusement and spent several minutes massaging shampoo into his scalp. Lather smeared across Reg’s cheeks when Conrad took his face and guided him forward for a kiss.

Reg hummed, receptive, and his hands came to rest over Conrad’s steady heartbeat. Aside from a continual revisit to kissing their shower was all business. Reg shaved his face for him. It was a careful and interesting process they had never done before. It left Reg smiling and running his hand over the now smooth skin of his face to wash away the remaining cream.

“Do you have a preference?” Conrad asked.

“You look good either way. Sometimes your stubble really tickles, but even that’s not really bad. I like it.”

They finished up and by the time Reg had pulled on a shirt and pants he was more wilted than before. Conrad joined him on the bed and they gravitated toward one another. He had the high ground, a position of advantage, and used it to press Reg onto his back. He kissed him but kept his hands from wandering. The goal was to ease him into a relaxed, stress free state and he did so through a slow-slow kiss.

He focused on regulating his own breathing and it brought Reg’s with it. They parted and breathed in a shared breath. Reg’s eyelids were heavy and his face relaxed but he generated a tiny noise and pressed a sleepy question.

“Do you want to have sex?”

Conrad’s smile was tender, “We can tomorrow if you’d like. You’re nearly asleep.”

“Are you going to sleep soon?”

“Yes,” He gave him a whisper soft kiss, “I promise you I am not far behind. I’ll be right here.”

Within the minute Reg drifted off and his even breathing was the pattern Conrad needed to lapse into his own unconscious.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg woke once during the night and his mild distress roused Conrad. The nightmares left his heart pounding and Conrad evened his ragged thoughts with shushes and quiet words as he held him. The warmth of Conrad’s wide hand dragging up and down his back soaked into his soul.

The flickering images of his dreams were overwritten in serenity. Reg pictured the home he remembered from his childhood and all the flowers and plants in the gardens. A flash of his mother, ten years younger, in gloves and a sunhat as a gust rippled her Sunday dress crossed his memory. She smiled and beckoned him with a wave. There wasn’t a single care they were in their Sunday best after church. Life had more important matters than clothing. So they tended the garden and got themselves and their good clothes covered in dirt.

He inhaled Conrad’s scent and combined it with the memories and found a tranquility that surpassed any before it. The safety of the embrace and the softening heat let him sag into the silence and peace of sleep.

Conrad held him even when his lax body signaled he was in a deep slumber. He remained awake for a time, thinking about the other young men and wondering if they were better or worse.

It was late morning when Conrad was alerted by a knock at the door. He realized, groggy, that he’d fallen asleep at some point. Still holding Reg but in a relaxed embrace, he had to carefully disentangle himself to prevent waking him.

A second knock occurred when he was halfway through the hall and it was too late to go back for a shirt. He rubbed a hand over his face to wake himself and opened the door hoping it was someone that wouldn’t care he was only in night slacks.

“Mason.” His voice was rough and he inhaled, blinking to rid his eyes of leftover sleep.

“Good morning. Jeeze, sorry to wake you. Brooks wanted me to give you this.” She held out a small file. It was a debriefing.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah don’t thank me. He wants you in for a formal discussion sometime this week.”

“Have you been in for that already?” He gave her a strange inquiring look as he flipped through the file. It was all text.

“Yep.” She sounded less than impressed, “Just got back. Was a three hour event.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t call me in. Could have gotten us both out of the way.”

“I thought you might want to see Slivko so I told them you weren’t feeling the best.”

“So you lied for me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Conrad gave her a confused but equally amused look. She stepped in.

“Where’s Slivko? You have seen him right?”

“Ah,” he gestured to the bedroom, “he’s asleep.”

“Still? It’s almost noon.”

“James?” The timid voice came from the bedroom barely loud enough to be heard but it kicked Conrad’s attention into high gear.

“Excuse me.” He turned and walked through the short hall and into the bedroom.

Mason watched him go and heard his voice dip to a gentle tone as he greeted Slivko. She caught the rustle of sheets and a murmur of voice but couldn’t make out what Slivko said.

Curious, she removed her shoes and crept on careful feet to the edge of the door and looked in. Conrad was braced above Slivko with his head lowered and an arm curled to his form. There were skinny arms up under Conrad’s attached to hands that reached toward broad shoulders. That was all of Slivko she could see.

She heard another murmur followed by the sound of Conrad soothing him.

“It’s alright. Take a breath.”

Conrad led Slivko through a series of deep breathing. The only sounds for nearly two minutes were the inhales, the exhales, and Conrad’s rumbling, guiding voice. Mason felt her blood pressure had dropped and noted she’d been following the instructions as well.

The crinkle of sheets and friction of skin sliding against skin returned her to attention.

Conrad rose higher and their foreheads that had been nuzzled together parted. He looked down at Reg’s now relaxed face and saw his eyes flutter open.

“Better?”

Reg nodded, “What was that sound?”

“The door. Was Mason delivering papers from Brooks.”

“Oh. Is she still here?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m going to go talk to her. I’ll close the door so you can try to sleep. I’ll be back, alright?”

Reg made an affirming noise.

He kissed him, “Rest if you can.”

Mason watched as they kissed again but this time it lingered. Slivko’s arms came up around Conrad’s broad shoulders and his hands swept the line of his neck and converged in his hair where fingers clamped onto tight curls. She could hear Conrad’s deep inhale, the scratch of nails no doubt giving him a pleasurable tingle, as well as the moist tangle of their mouths. Everything about the kiss was slow and sensual. Passionate and conscientious. It was everything anyone could ask for in a kiss.

She hung back, away from the door, and receded into the kitchen. Conrad emerged not long after and she tried to smile but it was weighty with sympathy.

“What’s that look for?” Conrad went to the kettle and filled it.

“Does he have terrors? Is that why he sleeps so late?”

“He does, yes. They usually only bother him on occasion, but lately they seem to have worsened.”

“Maybe it’s because you were gone.”

“Maybe. Would you like some tea?”

“I’d love some.”

She sat at the table as two cups were set brewing. When Conrad joined her, sliding a teacup and saucer to her, she examined his expression. His face was stoic at first glance but there was a sad edge to it. She wondered if he was worried about Slivko.

“You two have a very close relationship. How long has this been going on?”

“We aren’t in a relationship. Not like that.”

Mason hovered her tea beneath her nose to waft the smell and made an affirming noise that said she wasn’t buying it.

“Sure. That’s why his record player is in the corner of the bedroom and he’s literally  _ in _ your bed. And this stack of records on the table here? I’m sure those are yours. Oh, and that  _ kiss  _ you two just shared? That was obviously not like that. Even though it looked a hell of a lot like that. I mean… damn. Lucky kid to be kissed like that.”

Conrad looked up, at the far wall, as though glaring at himself, and held the stare for a full five seconds.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad went in for his debriefing. He’d read the near novel of papers Mason had delivered and it shortened his interview to a tidy hour. He was home again in time to help make dinner. He did the dishes from last night and that day while Reg cleaned the stove, counters, table, and swept the floor.

It was an easy evening. Conrad knew another night of sleep would have him feeling normal. Reg already looked much better and he imagined they’d both be themselves by morning.

The noises of city life droning outside was not a thing Conrad normally missed. Only the association it now held with Reg made him thankful for its disturbances.

Both still weary, they showered and fell asleep together without much more than a goodnight kiss. It was enough to carry Conrad through until another of Reg’s nightmares pulled him from sleep.

He woke Reg and it startled a yell from him as he tore into consciousness.

Reg jackknifed upright, his arm swinging out and connecting with the nightstand, and Conrad grabbed him to prevent further injury.

“It’s me. It’s me.” Conrad shushed him, nose and mouth to his ear and arm reeling him in at a gradual pace. He pushed away the nightstand, now aware it’s pointed corners were a safety hazard when so close, and cast his hand up and down Reg’s arm to search for damage.

Reg made a broken sound, the rigidity of his body beginning to drain, and he allowed himself to be gentled onto his back. Conrad cradled the side of his face in one hand and kissed his temple.

Reg’s heart was still pounding, the sensation of being chased fresh at the nape of his neck. Conrad touching him felt almost painful until he’d returned to reality. Now he knew he’d been dreaming and Conrad’s arms around him were a comfort, but the terror was slow to dissipate. He curled against Conrad’s chest and was cocooned in arms and their thick blanket. As his heart rate declined Conrad’s voice and touches softened him.

Minutes passed before Reg felt calm enough to speak. His voice rose among the night as an exhausted whisper.

“Do you want to get out of the city? Go camping? Sleep under the stars?”

Conrad did.

“That would be divine.” He said.

“Let’s pack in the morning. Drive until we’re far away from here. Until it’s just us.”

Conrad felt a hot dampness and wiped the tear from Reg’s face. The shiver that went through Reg made him curl tighter around him.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

They drove cleanly out of the city the next morning with their bellies full of tea and breakfast and the backseat of the rental car carrying their bags. They were quiet on the drive and enjoying the rolled down windows and the smell of nature pouring in. The smog of the city was far behind them and the trees welcomed their advance.

Their occasional conversation was comfortable and short. They switched places halfway to their destination and Conrad drove. Reg looked like his spirits were perking the further from the city they traveled.

After several miles Conrad glanced at him to see his eyes were obscured by mirrored sunglasses.

“Where did you get those?” He asked, smiling.

Reg’s lips curled up, “Found them in the glove box. Someone must have left them.”

“They look good on you.”

Reg unbuckled and slid across the bench seat. He inhaled as he leaned into Conrad’s space, careful not to disrupt his driving, and removed the sunglasses and put them on him.

“Mm. They look better on you.” He kissed his cheek, “Look how sexy you are.”

Reg buckled using the center seat and leaned against him. Conrad drove the rest of the way wearing the glasses.

The campgrounds they arrived at had semi-modern facilities. They did not stay at one of the pre-arranged campsites but they did pay for a single parking spot outside the campground office. They hiked, taking their bags with them, until they were a good fifteen minutes from anyone or anything. It was close enough they could return and pay to use the public showers or hit the shop for any food or supplies they may have forgotten.

They spent the rest of that first day setting up camp. Conrad dug a pit for a fire and Reg brought a generous load of long dead wood for them to burn. They cleared leaves and brush and after hours of work they had a pleasant setting. A large rock protruding from the earth made a convenient bench. It was the reason they had chosen the spot. That and it’s closeness to a river.

Late in the evening they strung their food into a tree to keep pests away and walked to the campgrounds to shower. Reg went first.

“I’m going to check out the shop. I’ll be back after.”

“Kay.” Reg said and as Conrad turned to go he shut the door and fed a quarter into the machine. The water took several seconds to get hot and Reg moved quick to get clean and ready for their evening.

Their trek back was peaceful and filled with the sounds of night. They were damp and Conrad noticed when they were almost back to camp Reg had a flush to his cheeks.

“Are you cold?”

“No.” Reg assured him. He had to look away from Conrad to hide his smile.

Back at camp, Conrad moved to start a fire for dinner. Reg rifled through their things and unrolled a sleeping mat on the ground. They had set the tent up but would lounge outside until it was time to sleep. The weather was nice and not a drop of rain was predicted.

Conrad looked over from putting water in the kettle when Reg touched his arm.

“Come lie down with me?”

Conrad, more curious than anything, sat at the center of the mat as guided and looked up as Reg stepped over him and lowered to sit in his lap. Now straddled, Conrad felt a rising sense of play.

Reg tucked his head beneath his chin and draped those skinny arms around his neck. He inhaled and sighed, making a pleased sound. Broad palms caressing his sides and back steadied his nerves.

“You’re very warm tonight.”

“I’m, um…” Reg scooted forward until his front pressed to Conrad’s.

“Ahh,” Conrad felt the erection now, “this explains the flush.”

He lured Reg into a kiss. There was insistence behind Reg’s pressure and his hands were dragging hard over the contour of Conrad’s chest and down. They were under his shirt and pulling it over his head in another moment and Conrad was attempting to catch up. Reg was already so needy.

Another kiss only proved to bring Reg’s bossy side forward. He returned the earlier favor and did away with Reg’s shirt. The following moment he was attacked with a savage kiss. His face held between Reg’s hands kept him right where he was wanted and he issued no complaint and gave as well as he was given. When they parted and Reg sucked in a wobbly breath Conrad felt inclined to ask.

“I’m not complaining by any means, but what has gotten into you today?”

“Um,” Reg licked his lips, his pupils blown, “I did something down at the campgrounds when I showered. Something new.”

Conrad studied Reg’s reddened face, shaky hands, and labored breathing. He looked down then, at the erection distorting the front of his pants, and moved to pull the drawstring bow loose. He tugged at one corner of the pants. There was nothing beneath them aside from a visible strap wrapping around his waist and another around the revealed thigh.

Something caught fire in Conrad and he urged Reg to stand. He steadied him before curling his fingers in the band and pulling his pants off. Reg stepped out of them and Conrad hissed an inhale as he was straddled again.

“You are,” Conrad near purred running his fingers along the bands, “full of surprises.”

His fingers tracked one band to the back and pressed at the base of the plug he knew was there to drive it deeper. When Reg was visibly affected he kissed his cheek and made a pleased sound.

“You wore this the entire walk back?”

Reg nodded, his breath hot on Conrad’s skin.

“No wonder you’re like this.”

Reg groaned,weary and impatient, and Conrad quieted him with a sweet, amused shush. They kissed and Conrad was more than aroused enough to continue. He undid the straps one at a time and the anticipation teased him. Reg rose up, onto his knees to tower above him, and offered a condom he’d seemingly pulled from thin air. Conrad accepted the packet and began to remove the plug in a careful draw. Once he set it aside, he replaced it with two fingers and noted the wetness. The lubrication allowed his fingers to glide in and Reg pressed his face against his cheek. There was a scant impression of teeth, as though Reg were trying to stop himself from biting him in his heightened state of arousal. It was an affectionate, needy gesture and Conrad loved it.

“Ooohhh, you’re nearly ready.” Conrad whispered and began inserting a third finger. He kissed Reg’s collar and shoulder, pressing deeper and spreading him wider. He stopped when Reg’s thighs quivered and waited for the tremor to subside. It happened again after he’d continued and he stilled and soothed Reg’s desperate and frustrated near sob.

“James.  _ James.” _

“A little more.” He kissed the center of Reg’s chest and proceeded in caution. His fingers finished working him open and he tore the condom packet with his teeth and pushed it into Reg’s hands.

“You’ll have to do this for me.”

Reg nodded and his trembling hands undid Conrad’s pants and worked him free. He rolled the condom on, leaving a space at the tip like always, and pushed forward to kiss him.

“You’re absolutely trembling.” Conrad was easing down, onto his back, at Reg’s insistent hands.

Reg swallowed and scooted lower to remove the rest of Conrad’s clothes. It was quick work and he was regaining some measure of control. He used his temporarily restored wits to position himself.

Conrad, now reclined, bent a knee to help steady Reg. A hand used it as support while the other fell to his stomach for further stability.

“ _ Reg _ . Go slow.”

Reg nodded again. He knew Conrad would feel terrible if he were hurt in any way for rushing.

Reg looked downright exhausted when so thoroughly aroused. It was endearing and Conrad etched the image into memory.

Reg lifted himself and with assistance he was sinking onto Conrad and being filled. A shiver rattled up his spine as his prostate was touched and he panted an exhale and then hissed in a breath. He kept his eyes clenched shut, afraid to look at Conrad for fear the sight would weaken his stamina.

“It’s alright. Don’t rush. Take your time.”

Reg couldn’t accommodate more of Conrad’s length. The inability to seat himself completely left his legs in charge of keeping him up. The beginnings of fatigue tickled at his thighs and he had to move. His head tilted back as he rose, pushing himself up, and he remained near the apex of their joining to gather the rest of his composure. He was panting in quiet puffs and the cool night air was doing nothing to tame his arousal.

His eyelashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. The sky above them was clear and washed in starlight. The trees were silhouetted against the blue-black of the night sky and cut out of the universe of stars all around. They were free of the city’s irritants and the clarity made him clench his jaw to quell his multiplying happiness lest it send him over too soon.

Conrad’s hands sliding up his thighs brought his journey into space to an end. They settled at his bony hips and guided him back. 

Together they found an easy pace and Reg kept his eyes locked on the sky as their movements formed a rhythm. Conrad’s hands held and supported him. They were not controlling but instead supplementing. Reg recognized he had the reigns and wanted to express how much it meant to him but he couldn’t avert his focus. Their pace, though sensual, was enough to undo him if he let his attention wander. The indirect brushing of his prostate was faint but consistent. It was feeding his pleasure, building like a storm that threatened to overwhelm his senses.

And Conrad was perfect beneath him. That was something he wanted to last. He wanted to savor the barely there upward thrusts and the swollen muscles that were primed and ready if needed.

One of the hands moved from his hip up his side and belly to feel him. He could hear Conrad breathing now and it motivated him to move faster.

The hike in pace made Reg bite his lower lip hard. The drag of Conrad inside him was an addictive burn that licked his orgasm closer.

“James,” Reg inhaled and trembled, “you always feel so good. I can’t… I can’t last.”

His jaw set and he felt the oncoming rise of pleasure. His thighs quivered and he nearly choked when Conrad took him in hand and stroked once.

It was all he could take.

Despite the lack of speed and force Reg spilled. His body jerked up and down as his orgasm riddled him with spasms. It drove Conrad into him and he made a sound, like he so often did when he came, and he knew it must have been pathetic because Conrad was soothing him the next moment. The molten sensations spreading through his body made him feel like crying.

He was crying.

And Conrad was sitting up to support him and shush his quiet weeping.

“Are you hurt?” The voice was so soft. So kind.

“No.” Reg curled against him, “It’s just s-so much.”

Conrad smiled and breathed a sigh. Reg, embarrassed for crying, hid in the bend of his neck until he had some measure of control on himself. When his pleasure ebbed he sat up to wipe his wet face.

“You probably think I’m such a crybaby.”

“No.” Conrad’s smile lingered, “A half hour of foreplay set you up for this. And it’s been two months since we’ve done anything. You were quite desperate.”

“I’m a mess.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Sh-shut up, you.”

Conrad chuckled and kissed Reg’s smile, “You don’t mean that.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“To be complemented?”

“To be called that when I’m crying. I’m gonna do that to you if you don’t watch it.”

“I’m all ears.”

Reg laughed, mashing his nose and mouth to Conrad’s cheek and making his smile deepen. He sniffed, one last tear escaping, and squeezed him in a tight hug.

“I didn’t bring a towel over and now I feel silly. Covered in my own mess sitting here. I should go get something.”

“I don’t mind it.” Conrad held the backs of his thighs and pulled him a hair closer to kiss his collar. His fingertips, several damp with ejaculate, spread Reg’s backside and he hissed in a breath when he was pressed down on.

Reg groaned, head tilted back, “I wish I could go further. This has to be torture for you.”

“Don’t try and force anything. This is more than fine.”

Reg brought his head forward and touched their temples together. He began moving. The slow up and down motions and clench of him made Conrad shiver.

Reg kissed him, “Can you lie back down for me? I want to keep going like before. Make you come like that.”

Conrad eased back and cast his hands up Reg’s thighs. The wetness of Reg’s orgasm had drizzled between them and was cool on their skin. It’s scent was unmistakable but it was far from unpleasant to Conrad. It lit him on fire inside and when Reg set their pace he was halfway home.

It was different than their other joinings. Reg was taking him a little deeper, feeling bold and confident, and controlling the journey. Conrad enjoyed the switch and focused on the feeling of a pace he didn’t dictate. He touched Reg where he could reach - from his hips and sides to his belly and wet inner thighs where he spread a faint trail of seed along his skin.

He admired the length of Reg’s body. His skinny hips and broad shoulders led the way to the tranquil expression on his face. Conrad desired to kiss him but couldn’t allow himself. Reg wanted him to be still. Wanted him to submit to experiencing.

It was Reg giving back and it roused a deep sense of fondness inside him. It went beyond the act of sex and wove around and between memories of Reg’s sassy sense of humor and barely there lopsided smiles. It was his bravery. His ability to change and stand up for what he believed was right. It dove deeper into his unique physical bonding that came in such displays as gentle face biting or shy smiles that bent into an embrace.

Conrad grit his teeth.

It wasn’t the pace or the heat doing him in. His mind whirled around everything that was Reg. Not just his personality and physical appeal but everything they enjoyed together. Their shared hobbies surrounding outdoor life. The camping and hiking. The fishing and nature watching.

In a second it occurred to him this was something he could do for the rest of his life with Reg and never be bored or unsatisfied. What would it be like to settle down this way? With Reg? Here in America? To ask him to be his partner in life so they could grow together? Live beside one another? To know he’d always be able to feel his body beside him? Would that be selfish? To take Reg from the world and keep him to himself?

He  _ wanted _ him to himself. Reg was beautiful. Inside and out.

Conrad inhaled sharply and grunted as he came early, the muscles of his jaw flexing and his teeth biting together. The rush of his orgasm was powerful and it left his body in a state of supreme satisfaction. He found breathing difficult for several draws, the sensations and emotions he was experiencing so intense.

Above him Reg’s soft laugh tickled his ears. He was leaned over and the clink of dog tags between them guided his line of sight to focus and look into Reg’s smiling eyes and notice the bend of his lips that revealed the white of his teeth.

“That looked like a good one, Captain.”

Conard swallowed and used his clean hand to card through Reg’s hair. He took another breath so he could speak and when his voice emerged it was soft but deep.

“You’re going to be the death of me.”

Reg’s smile deepened causing his eyes to squint, “Doesn’t seem like a bad way to go.”

“Not in the least.”

Conrad sounded breathy and worn out. He sat up but they remained joined and he held Reg close in an embrace. One hand curved to the base of Reg’s skull and the other wrapped low around his back. The support made it easy to tilt him until his head tipped to expose the long draw of his neck. Conrad lavished attention to his neck and collar until Reg was pushing forward and giggling. He was also shaking from the night air.

“You’re getting cold.”

Reg confirmed and huddled closer to him.

“We’ll have to get cleaned up so I can tuck you in. It’s been a long day. Aren’t you tired?”

“Very. But I like being like this.”

“I know you do.” Conrad kissed his ear, “And I’d like nothing more than to let you stay like this as long as you desire but you’re shivering.”

He lifted from the undersides of Reg’s thighs to slip out of him. When settled again Reg was closer and clung to Conrad in an affectionate embrace.

Their closeness lingered and Conrad allowed himself to enjoy the simple pleasure of human contact.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg woke before dawn in a cold sweat and sat upright. He covered his mouth to prevent the yell he wanted out of his chest and clamped down hard on his self control. He squeezed his eyes shut but the tears broke and streamed onto his hand and dribbled over the bumps of his knuckles. Hot.

He was shaking and his heart banged in his chest like a war drum on the verge of tearing. A weak sound escaped him and he squashed it. He was awake now. There was no chase. There were no island creatures about to pounce. No giant arachnids or monstrous snakes or anything else his imagination thought he’d seen in the shadows of night.

To his side Conrad was sleeping. He looked peaceful and the rise and fall of his chest let Reg know he was alive and well. But the terror persisted inside himself.

It was overwhelming and he buried his face in both hands and hunched forward and pressed hard at the fear and anxiety and painful slam of his heart. How could a human heart even survive such brutal beating? He felt like he were dying.

He hadn’t wanted to wake Conrad. Hadn’t wanted to let his fear consume him - weaken him - or embarrass or shame him by asking for help but he didn’t want to feel this way another second.

His arm reached out and he found Conrad’s shoulder without looking. His fingers were trembling and he used his other hand to cover his eyes.

“ _ James _ .” His voice was ghostly thin. Weak. His fingers squeezed and he repeated the name louder but the effort let a sob escape him and new tears dripped from his face onto his hand and lap.

Conrad inhaled as he came into consciousness. The rough fingers on his shoulder set him on edge for a split second before he righted himself in reality.

“Reg.” He was upright the next instant.

Reg inhaled and bit back another sob. Conrad was beside him now, pulling him against his warm-hot body and kissing his temple and whispering against his skin.

“Hey,  _ hey _ . It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

Reg drew a sharp breath and held onto the arm across his chest. His teeth clenched together and he shook from containing a sob. He didn’t want to let it out. He wanted to quell it. But it wasn’t lessening. He was self paralyzed, locked in some standoff with his body.

“Reg.  _ Reg _ .” Conrad pulled back to hold his face, “You need to breathe. You’re holding your breath.”

He emitted a small sound, barely audible, and another round of tears broke free. A small breath burst from him like an escaped stutter and it was chased by a sob that cracked his defense. He sucked in air his lungs were desperate for and fell into the same trap by holding it again.

Conrad seemed to know his struggle.

“Let it out. Let everything out. Yell or scream if you have to. Just keep breathing. Focus on that.”

And his voice had been so soft and comforting Reg fell into a fit of sobbing.

“What’s  _ wrong _ with me?”

Reg released his tethers and leaned into Conrad’s hold and cried until he was exhausted and could handle his emotions. His stomach and back ached, fatigued from exertion, the sobbing too much. He was still shaking but he was no longer stiff in Conrad’s arms but instead near melted against him.

Conrad scrunched a fistful of Reg’s hair and kissed his forehead.

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

Reg sniffed, “I never used to be this way.”

Conrad whispered shushes into his ear, “Lie down with me.”

It was difficult to settle when his mind was still half racing. Conrad caught on.

“Hey. Hey, listen to me.” Conrad pulled him against his chest, “We’re not the same as we were. We’ll never be. We’re different for our experiences and maybe we’re a little bruised. But we’re here and we’re alive. And I won’t take any of it back. Even if I could.”

Reg looked at him, his eyes glassy again, and swallowed before he voiced his question.

“Why?”

Conrad ran his thumb across Reg’s cheek, dispersing a single, silent tear across skin. He smiled.

“Despite everything, I gained something. I never would have met you had I not gone. And that is something I would never give back.”

“Oh my god.” Reg’s voice broke and he smiled and shut his eyes, two more tears falling. He rolled onto his back and covered his face, laughing and crying.

“That’s the sappiest f-fuc-” His voice died in a garbled mess of inarticulation as he rubbed his face. He sucked in a lungfull of air and shuddered a sob. His lingering smile gave way into distress and Conrad’s smile that had formed disintegrated as he became aware of the renewed upset.

“Come back.” Conrad urged him to roll over and was met with a face against his chest and arms weaving around him. Reg managed to tame his crying to silent tears before it escalated.

There was a stretch of silence permeated only by their breathing and the brush of Conrad’s fingers through Reg’s hair. The shaking of Reg’s arms persisted and there was an occasional squeeze as though he had to check every now and again to make sure Conrad were real. A deep inhale alerted him to Reg about to speak.

“I’m afraid.” Reg squeezed then, “They’re going to send you away again. It’s just a matter of when and where.”

Conrad confirmed.

“So I’m afraid. That you’ll never come back. That you’ll be hurt. I don’t know where they’ve been sending you. I don’t know how dangerous it’s been or will be. What if they want you to go back to that island?”

“I won’t. I’ll refuse.”

“Will you? Can you?”

“Listen when I say I won’t put you through that. If these terrors of yours are born out of fear I’ll be sent to another island of giants then let me ease you. Brooks already told me he will not ask that of me. He was there, too. He remembers and won’t force such things.”

Reg breathed as though a weight had been removed from his soul and he leaned up onto a forearm to look down at Conrad. His face was still burdened.

“Where did you go when you were gone? Were you safe?”

“Relatively. We have not been visiting the uncharted and these are not military-led expeditions. The last was a jungle in Asia. Some ruins they wanted documented because of paintings and carvings. Information gathering. Archeology. That was all. And that’s all they’ll have of me now. No more giants. No more insanity. I won’t do it.”

Reg nodded, swallowing as more tears fell. They were relieved tears. He leaned over and embraced Conrad around the neck and was eased back so they could hold each other comfortably.

Conrad rubbed his back and over time the shaking subsided and Reg’s tears dried. They warmed beneath the blanket and the four pillows they’d brought proved to be worth toting along.

Birds began chirping and the darkness of night stretched it’s tethers to the dawn. Day chased the night away as it always did but Conrad had no desire to rise. He cast his hand up Reg’s spine, happy to continue being his support, and leaned his face against soft hair.

“I missed you when I was gone.”

Reg shifted on him and sighed, “I missed you, too.”

“I thought about you and wondered what you were doing.”

“Mostly job searching. Pretty boring compared to jungle expeditions.”

“Job searching? Any luck?”

Reg shrugged, “I have an interview next week at a record shop.”

“That’s… very fitting for you.”

Reg smiled, “I guess so, yeah.”

And it was good to hear normalcy return to Reg’s voice.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

A month after their return from camping Conrad opened the door to his apartment. He’d been on a long walk to clear his head and was not surprised to find Reg still sleeping. It was Saturday.

Having started his job at the record shop on Monday, Reg was gone during the morning and afternoon but came home by or before the evening meal. His sleep that week had been especially poor. In fact, if Conrad had to file a report he’d say Reg’s sleep was progressively worse as the weeks ticked on.

He didn’t like it. Reg looked exhausted every morning.

It was good it was Saturday and he had the opportunity to sleep as much as he needed.

Conrad sat on the bed and ran his fingers through Reg’s monstrous case of bedhead. His smile was bittersweet as he was overcome with feelings of endearment. Too many times to count this last week he’d sat up with Reg and wished he could rid him of his nightmares.

Reg didn’t deserve this torture.

“Mmm.” Reg stirred and emitted a happy noise. He inhaled and stretched in place before his eyes opened to blink away sleep.

“Good morning. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay. Did you go somewhere? You smell like outside. And you’re dressed on a Saturday morning. Hrm, not a fan.” Reg put a hand on Conrad’s chest and dragged it down. His motion morphed into a stretch and was accompanied by a lion-like yawn.

“I went for a walk.”

Reg sat up, legs folded beneath himself, and the blanket sagging in his lap reminded Conrad that he was, in fact, naked under those covers.

“I really wanna kiss you but I gotta brush my teeth first. Don’t move I’ll be right back.”

With another yawn Reg used Conrad’s shoulder for balance and stood on the bed and walked across it. He stepped off and made his way to the bathroom and shut the door.

Conrad smiled and shook his head. He stood and picked Reg’s clothes from yesterday off the floor by the hamper and plucked a pair of jeans off the end of the bed. He dumped all of them into the hamper and shut the lid. Tomorrow he’d do laundry. For now, he sat on the bed and waited the few minutes for Reg to finish in the bathroom.

When Reg returned, hair tamed and teeth brushed, he slipped between Conrad’s legs and hugged him to his chest. From there, after Conrad had smoothed his hands along his thighs and hips, he moved onto the bed to straddle him.

“I’m ready for oral inspection, Captain.”

Conrad’s lips spread in a modest smile and he took it slow. He loved the taste, feel, and smell of Reg. The hands in his hair, scratching his scalp, were always a bonus. The nails carved down his neck and onto his back until Reg’s arms came to rest around his neck and shoulders. These encounters brought him joy but lately were overcome with sadness. He tried to mask it but he felt Reg was catching on. Their kiss ended almost as soon as his edge of sadness began. When they parted Reg sighed and leaned into him.

“You’ve been really quiet lately, Captain. Ever since we got back from camping.”

“I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

Reg shifted but didn’t pull away. He seemed wary or emotionally distant now. Conrad felt guilt at that. He interlocked his fingers at the base of Reg’s back to hold him near and pressed his nose and lips against his shoulder. He inhaled and the scent of his skin almost pained him.

“Is, um, any of that about me?”

Conrad closed his eyes, “Yes.”

“I’m, uh, I’m here all the time. Is it too much?”

“Reg.”

Conrad leaned him back and held his arms, looking at his face. But Reg wasn’t meeting his eyes. Instead he was looking down and away, unable to face him.

“I-I get it, if it is. Just tell me to take a hike if I’m bothering you. Don’t sugarcoat things or feel like you have to put up with me. I know I, um, keep you up a lot with my nightmares. Especially lately. It can get old and I’m sorry. I guess I’m just really messed up.”

Conrad’s heart was pounding and he knew his face was awash with a variety of expressions. Guilt. Fear. Pain. Those three were accounted for. Disbelief was present. He didn’t like any of them. He liked Reg feeling unwanted even less. He couldn’t find the words to reassure him - couldn’t speak at first. Reg continued in his silence.

“I know all this started with you showing me how to kiss and it got a bit out of control and now we’re here but I… I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to keep waking you like I have been and I keep trying to stop - to not have the nightmares in the first place. But it’s not working so just tell me if I need to leave. I don’t want to lose your friendship or-”

“ _ I love you _ .”

Reg looked at him. His expression was that of someone blindsided.

Conrad’s eyes were heavy. His brow creased as he cupped Reg’s face with one hand to keep his focus on him. It worked and Reg’s eyes darted as they searched him for answers to a hundred different questions stirring in his mind. Conrad’s hand fell away and trailed down the centerline of Reg’s body.

“I am absolutely, undeniably,  _ help _ lessly… in love with you. You are not a burden. You are not someone I put up with. You are someone I love. And I could never ask you to leave.”

Reg stared, unbelieving for long moments and his heart thundering. He shifted on Conrad’s lap to be more in line with him. His hands, steady and sure, came to rest on either side of Conrad’s face. There was a light in his eyes taking over and ousting his fears and uncertainties.

He whispered, “I get to keep you.”

As the words left him he kissed Conrad - holding him tight and leaning them back until they were flat on the bed. A forceful happiness dominated the kiss, leaving no room for sadness or hesitation. Reg kissed him with all the experience they’d shared and Conrad struggled to contain the wildness in his arms.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

“It’s been less than two months since the last. Why so soon?”

“We want the area documented as soon as possible. Can’t leave anything to chance.”

Conrad left the meeting grimacing. Brooks and the rest of the staff were excited. He supposed he couldn’t blame them. Potential links to the past tended to provide rich sustenance to those in their field of research.

He took the public transit across the city and once he stepped off he walked the five blocks to his apartment. He took the stairs because they were rarely used by anyone. It was an upward trek that leveled his mind. The tap-tap of his shoes on the metal steps was joined by an echo and he looked to see a figure two floors up circling down.

It was Reg holding an empty laundry basket.

Conrad stopped and waited for him to notice his presence. He did, when he rounded the case above him.

“You’re back!” Reg smiled and slowed as he met him in the middle of the staircase and stood one step higher.

“Did you think I had abandoned you? I would have. They kept me far longer than I appreciated.”

“ _ Oohhh _ ,” Reg set the basket sideways on the step and reached for his face, “you look so grumpy.”

Conrad tilted his chin up and shut his eyes as Reg kissed his cheek.

“Mmph,” Reg rubbed their noses, “bad news or just a long day?”

“Can it be both?” He sighed and pressed into a brief kiss, glad for the contact.

Reg held his face and brushed his thumbs over his cheekbones. His expression was the picture of sympathy speared by the tiniest shard of humor.

“I’m not used to seeing you like this. I don’t blame you and I feel bad, but it’s also a little entertaining because it’s new. Can I do anything to make it better?”

Instead of words Conrad settled his hands on Reg’s hips and eased him forward. The kiss was automatic and Reg had him at his mercy within seconds. He bent to the forceful edge of techniques he’d fostered and when they parted sometime later the sight of Reg already flushed left his grumpiness forgotten. In its place was attraction. Appreciation.

“I can’t believe they had you go in on a Sunday. That’s just mean.”

“It was necessary to inform me I will be departing late tonight.”

“Jesus! That’s ridiculous. Do they think you’re going to war? Why so soon?”

Conrad made a face, “They’re practically in a tizzy. You should have been there. I was sure one of them would hop out of their seat in excitement. Personally I don’t find archeological digs and cave paintings all that engaging.”

“Wow. I just… I don’t like that kind of timetable.”

“Agreed.” He drew Reg against his body and spoke into his ear, “But I won’t leave until I’ve had my way and you’re spread open for me and shaking. By the time we’re done you’ll be exhausted from your orgasm. Might even make you weep from the intensity. How does that sound?”

Reg was smiling, arms around Conrad’s neck, and his cheeks were tinting.

“What’s wrong?” Conrad smirked and kissed his ear, “Are you suddenly shy?”

“No I’m just trying not to pitch a tent because of your dirtytalk.”

“I didn’t know we were camping today.” Conrad tilted his head, his brow furrowing in mock confusion. He groped the front of Reg’s pants.

“ _ That _ is not helping, you jerk.” Reg pushed his hand away and advanced on him, biting his own lip through a big grin and leaning most of his weight into his arms. Conrad’s chuckle made him almost giddy and his heart fluttered.

After another kiss Reg sent him on his way with the promise he’d return with clean laundry.

Conrad entered the apartment to see Reg had done the dishes. He’d been busy today. It was unnecessary and Conrad wished he had done them himself earlier. Reg worked five days a week. His days off should have been free of chores.

Reg returned with a warm basket of clothes and Conrad helped him put them away before they cooled and wrinkled.

When the last shirt was on a hanger and placed in the closet Reg put a chair beside him and stood on it.

“What is this?” Conrad looked up at him.

“A tactical advantage.” Reg bent over and kissed him. Conrad liked the roughness that came with Reg’s height advantage and he pushed back but didn’t attempt to take control. Eventually Reg wrapped a leg around him and he supported it and soon the other until he had his arms full. Carrying all of Reg’s weight wasn’t difficult. He was skinny and rather light. Their kiss broke and Reg’s breathy voice filled his ear.

“Shower with me? Now?”

Conrad bathed him and after they emerged from the bathroom, clean and still damp, they made a wreck of their freshly made bed. He layered worship across Reg’s body and left a trail of love bites down his chest and legs. No one would see them but they’d both know they were there.

When they were sated Reg initiated cuddling and kissed his cheek.

“How long will you be gone this time?”

“Not terribly long. A week. Two at most.”

“At least that’s good news.”

Conrad made an agreeing sound and sighed at the sensation of Reg’s hand rubbing across his bare chest. He covered it with his own and lifted it to his mouth to kiss the palm.

“I’ll miss you regardless of length.”

“You big softy.” Reg melted into a broad smile.

Conrad’s smile was more reserved but no less happy. Their heads tipped together and their fingers intertwined. It was easy to stay in bed and pass the hours in good company.

Reg settled into more than contentment, half on Conrad across the bed. The contours of his body, lean and rugged, were perfect against him.

“Hey,” Reg scooted higher and nosed his cheek, “I can’t handle you being so handsome.”

“In all fairness I grapple with how incredibly endearing you are. Combined with your playfulness you’re quite irresistible.”

“Ah, man, package deal here. Order in the next twenty minutes and I’ll include a free back massage.”

Conrad twisted against him and turned them over until Reg was giggling beneath him. Their mouths were curled into smiles as they kissed.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+   
  


A week and a half was still too long. Conrad was experiencing jet lag after a debriefing and as much as he wanted to head home and sleep off his week of crawling through caves and tunnels and wading through shallow riverbeds his first priority was Reg.

When he arrived home, however, his apartment was empty. He looked around for any clues of the kitchen having been used and saw little. There were no dishes or garbage. Everything was clean and orderly.

Perhaps Reg was at his own apartment for a change.

He rang Reg’s building but there was no answer. He moved on to check for notes in the bathroom or bedroom.

Nothing.

Laundry was done, aside from what Conrad had brought home of course, and the bed was stripped bare.

He would have worried but these were all signs that Reg had prepared the apartment for disuse. Though tired he walked the fifteen minutes to Reg’s apartment and knocked.

No answer.

He let himself in with the spare key and after a quick walk around he deduced that the apartment was in the same condition as his.

This was unusual.

The phone rang.

He didn’t answer initially, but near the end he was growing too worried and plucked the receiver from the wall.

“Hello.”

“James!” Reg sounded relieved, “I thought you might be there.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at your place.” His voice sounded amused.

“I was just there.”

“I know. I just got back from Detroit visiting mom. I saw your bag in the bedroom and figured you were probably wondering where on earth I was.”

“Indeed I was. I’ll walk back.”

“How about I come there? I have a surprise and it’ll be faster this way.”

“Now you have me curious.”

After hanging up Conrad opened the windows and the door to the balcony to air the apartment. He stood outside and leaned on the railing and breathed deep as a mild gust tumbled across him.

The city smog was something he only noticed when gone from it for a time. The transition of fresh air to pollution no longer itched his throat and lungs and he was unsure if this was a benefit or a warning sign.

The door was opening less than ten minutes later and Conrad turned, curious, and saw Reg enter with a large crate-like box.

“That was quick. How did you get here so fast?”

“Let me show you.”

He helped Reg with the box and they set it on the counter. His wrist was taken and Reg, smiling, led him to the balcony and they turned the corner where it wrapped around the building.

“There.” Reg pointed to the parking lot, “See that car there? The gray one?”

“Did you drive that?”

“Yeah.” Reg’s smile was the sun as he faced him and looked up, “It’s mine. Well, ours. We can both use it. For camping trips or just getting groceries if we want. Whatever, you know.”

Conrad smiled, Reg’s happiness contagious.

“Where did you get it?”

“Back home. The guy that lives next door to my parents owns a used car business. He’s always been really nice to me, even after the entire, um, you know. The entire gay thing.”

“I think I met him. The first time I went to see you and your father slammed the door. He seemed nice enough, if a bit odd.”

“Yeah he’s kinda unique. Sorta like a funny uncle. But he gave me a really good deal. Was pretty much impossible to say no.”

“Really?”

Reg hugged him, “Yeah. I should send him a thank you and maybe a gift. I don’t think he made anything on it. Hey. I missed you.”

Conrad kissed the top of his head, “You had me a little worried when I couldn’t find you.”

“I’m sorry. I thought of that after I left to visit my parents. I should have left a note.”

“It’s alright.”

“Next time I will. I promise. Do you want to see what mom gave me?”

“Absolutely.” They kissed and Conrad pushed down his exhaustion. It was easy in Reg’s company. His energy was infectious.

In the large box was an assortment of canned goods.

“This is quite a stock. Are these from the same batch you assisted with?”

“Yeah.”

Reg was beaming. It was easy to see he was excited to share with him.

Conrad didn’t know the first thing about canning. He had experience in survival but none of his knowledge extended to basic agriculture such as growing crops or  preparing them for canning.

Reg was knowledgeable about a variety of topics Conrad had never considered learning about. It was attractive and Conrad stopped Reg in the middle of emptying the box to kiss him.

Reg molded to him, the box forgotten, and they remained joined until they were panting and the loneliness from being apart was scuttled.

They spent the evening there, at Reg’s apartment, and after a trip to the store they started dinner. At the conclusion of their meal Conrad did the dishes as Reg cleaned the stove and put away the canned goods.

They showered and Reg pulled him into bed and apologized for his smaller mattress. It was a full.

Conrad didn’t mind. He was glad to be horizontal.

“Your feet are probably gonna hang off the bed.” Reg snuggled against his side, up under his arm, and cast his hand across his chest.

This was a simple pleasure. Something Conrad never tired of regardless of the hour or his exhaustion.

“I don’t mind.” Conrad assured him, “How was your visit home?”

“Oh, it was interesting. Do you want to wait until tomorrow to hear about it? You look so tired.”

“Now is fine.”

Reg sighed after a long draw of air and let a pause linger before he began.

“Well, I was there two days. The first day I waited until my dad went to work. Then I guess I opened up to my mom about us. About you telling me you loved me. About our relationship.”

“How did she respond?”

“She cried. She was so happy.”

Conrad could imagine that.

“Heh. I made my mom cry. She was hugging and kissing me and telling me she loved me. She even said she was happy for both of us and that she loves you, too. Even though she doesn’t know you well.”

The information cast a warm amusement throughout Conrad.

“But, um,” Reg’s voice fell from it’s happy notes, “I told my father yesterday when he came home from work. It… didn’t go so well.”

Conrad squeezed him. It was comforting and provided Reg the strength to continue.

“I told him everything I told my mom because I was sick of hiding it around him. I said that this was me. This is who and what I am and I can’t change it. My mom was there but it didn’t seem to matter. He, um…”

Here Reg’s voice quivered and Conrad turned his nose against his hair and kissed his forehead. Reg clung to him and found the anchor was what he needed.

“He disowned me. He’s done with me.”

Conrad’s eyes closed, “I am so sorry.”

Reg inhaled and trembled.

Conrad tugged him firmer against him, “Hate can turn decent people into something crooked. Something twisted. Those who feed into these emotions often lose themselves. I am sorry about your father but know that I love you.”

Reg nodded and lifted his head to touch their foreheads, “I love you, too.”

He made a face and went on.

“I guess I hadn’t said that yet.”

Conrad smiled, “No.”

“Well I do. I love you, my Captain James.”

Hearing the words carried weight. Conrad hadn’t thought it mattered, aware Reg was fond of him, but now that they were spoken he was overcome by a sweetened sense of love so intoxicating he almost couldn’t bear it. Their kiss was chaste.

Perhaps, Conrad mused, he was stricken with a sickness. But love was one ailment he knew had all the potentials of permanence.

And he didn’t mind.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

6.25.2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1- Hey guys… there’s, uh, gonna be at least two more chapters because this thing warped wildly out of control on me. That’s why it’s taken me so long to update and I’m seriously very sorry about that. :S I’m on Part 5 already and my outline was long ago completed so I have the end in sight. I just need the time. Curse not being rich and having to work two jobs! Curses I say!
> 
> 2- There originally wasn’t supposed to be a descriptive sex scene in this chapter but whatchyagonna do? I got carried away.
> 
> 3- It’s funny the things you have to look up to ensure certain inventions actually existed in the 1970’s. For instance: mirrored sunglasses.


	4. Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the movie came to video (is that old timey talk now?) yesterday. I pre-ordered that shit a month or more ago so I'll be watching it this weekend. I even took my first day off work this year so I can get a jump on the weekend. Pretty excited, let me tell ya. I hope you enjoy. Comments and constructive criticism always appreciated. <3

Part IV

 

Phone calls were risky standoffs for Conrad. He never knew if Brooks was on the other side of the line ready to summon him. Ready to send him off on some goose chase for links and clues.

Most people hated sales calls but Conrad appreciated each and every time he picked up to an unfamiliar voice asking him, “Hello sir, how are you today?”

Sometimes he talked to them. Not because he needed the company but because he felt like being polite and he was thankful to be home.

He enjoyed chores, which had evolved into a game recently.

The object was simple; he was to do everything before Reg had a chance and then bathe in playful victory.

Reg felt guilty and always tried to step up on weekends. Conrad doubled his efforts in retaliation, often sweeping him away from tasks to dance with him or kiss until he’d forgotten what he was attempting to accomplish. Finally Reg called him out on it and it led to a serious conversation that more or less segwayed into aggressive kissing.

Somehow they ended up laughing and naked in bed together. In their post sex lazing the phone rang.

It had come full circle, Conrad thought.

“I got it.” Reg shoved him, giggling, onto his back as he stood and walked across the bed and hopped off.

“If it’s Brooks-”

“Don’t stress - I’m eighty-eight percent sure it’s my mum. Right on time, too.”

“What of the other twelve percent?”

“Queen of England.” Reg called from halfway down the hall.

Conrad closed his eyes, smiling, and opened them to stare at the ceiling. He focused his hearing on Reg picking up the receiver and greeting whoever was on the other end. From the first word Conrad knew it was Reg’s mother. His voice always picked up at the start of his next sentence to reflect his joy at hearing from her.

It warmed Conrad to know Reg maintained such a strong bond with her. He would have mused on it further but the sound of Reg’s voice changed.

Something negative.

Something was wrong.

Conrad was standing and pulling on a pair of loose slacks before his brain caught up. He grabbed a robe off a hook in the bathroom and went to the kitchen.

Reg was standing with the cord held tight in one hand and the receiver clutched to his ear. Listening.

Conrad draped the robe along his shoulders and stepped around to see his face. The expression was fixed in a state of hyper processing. Reg’s eyes darted back and forth as though speedreading.

Conrad waited but extended a silent comfort; he relieved the phone cord of it’s prison and provided Reg his hand to clasp.

“Mom - Mom it’s okay. It’s _okay_. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

More murmurs emerged from the line. Conrad could not make them out.

“But you hate cohabitating with your sister. You can’t even stand her at holidays for more than two days.”

Conrad was almost entirely lost.

Reg’s lips pressed together and his eyes locked in place. A decision was made.

“Come to Washington. You can stay at my apartment in the city. There’s plenty of room.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Regina Slivko wore a plain but elegant day dress that reached just past her knees. Her shoes were flats and lacked any embellishment and her hair was tied back and secured by a white ribbon. She was holding a clutch in both hands and had all the presence and poise of a modest but strong willed woman.

The moment before Reg opened his arms and called to her seemed foreign to Conrad. He thought she looked like nothing less than a mother he desperately missed from his childhood. She was beautiful and kind. Both reflected in her eyes in equal parts.

She smiled and was swallowed by Reg’s embrace. Her son, taller and broader than her, was still no match for her motherly affection. He melded to her, told her he loved her, and kissed her cheek.

“Mom I’ve missed you so much.”

She cradled his face to her chest and Conrad couldn’t stop his smile at the sight. This was her baby. Her twenty-some year old baby who she fretted over and loved with unparalleled ferocity.

Conrad did not expect Regina to turn to him next and draw him in for a hug. It surprised him but he was welcoming and glad for how comfortable she felt in his presence.

They drove her from the airport to Reg’s apartment - now her apartment - and carried her few bags up.

Two days ago Reg had explained the phone conversation that had led them to the here and now. Mr. Slivko had been unable to accept his son’s sexuality. In the wake of Reg’s visit he’d grown inconsolable, verbally violent, and Regina had been unwilling to provide an audience.

It seemed a divorce, though not yet spoken of, was imminent. For now, Regina remained Regina Slivko.

Reg was positively beaming as he unpacked his mother’s belongings. It was telling, and Conrad knew Reg’s lack of friends and familiar faces since his move out had been taking a toll. Conrad held no illusions - he was one person. He could not provide Reg with everything he needed in life to thrive.

Reg needed his family. His mother especially.

Friends were something Conrad had few of and he’d been tossing around the idea of taking Reg out more so they could socialize. Perhaps a few friends would be a positive change for him as well. He also thought about Reg’s nightmares. Though he hadn’t had any recently that didn’t mean they wouldn’t resurface. He had mentioned therapy once to Reg, to see if that was an option on the table, but there hadn’t been many words on the matter.

“I’m not saying you should go.” Conrad had told him, “I’m saying that if you want to go you shouldn’t hesitate. If it is something that has even a chance of helping I want you to know there is no shame in it.”

Reg had rubbed the back of his neck and wasn’t looking at him when he’d replied, “I’ve thought about it. But… it’s really hard to talk to anyone about it when they’ve never been there.”

It being war. And the island.

Conrad understood that. The notion of sitting in a chair and being analyzed by someone who had only read about trauma from war in a book and in their studies didn’t have much appeal. That, and Reg talking to any therapist about the island wouldn’t be wise. They would disregard his opening up as the ramblings of the insane. Or, if he was lucky, the hallucinations of the severely traumatized. Perhaps they would categorize him as someone who couldn’t distinguish dreams from reality.

And what would Monarch have to say about divulging such information? Even if it were in the supposed confidentiality of a therapist’s office?

No, therapy was not the best choice in many ways. But Conrad needed to do something for him. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror if he continued to do nothing.

His thoughts were interrupted by Mrs. Slivko touching his arm. He looked up from his sorting of canned goods to see her eyes full of unspoken poetry. Reg often had that same expression.

“Thank you. For helping with everything. But mostly for taking care of Reg.”

Conrad bowed his head, “I assure you he is the one taking care of me. He’s very driven and independent and doesn’t require my presence.”

From the bedroom Reg’s voice rang out, “That’s not true! I do need him he’s very important! Also handy because he has really long arms and doesn’t need a stool to reach stuff on the top shelves.”

They both smiled, Conrad chuckling, and he quieted his voice for his next words.

“Well, there you have it. It’s good to have purpose.”

They spent that weekend with Regina. An early lunch on a veranda of a nice restaurant started their Saturday. They drove to a greenhouse and Reg insisted he buy his mother everything she needed to start her own garden on the wraparound balcony.

Regina was as motivated as her son. She picked up job applications and come afternoon she had completed a stack of them. She would drop them off around the city as she learned to navigate the public transportation system.

Reg spent hours on the balcony mixing soil, filling planters, and labeling. He planted seeds for a fresh start while other boxes and pots were introduced to young but healthy plants. There was a large pot in the corner with a cage. Reg had told him it would be tomatoes. His smile was unfiltered and his dirt smeared face unmarred by burdens.

It was a smile Conrad dedicated himself to creating again and again. If Reg wanted a garden then one day they’d have one. They’d have a house with a sweeping yard. More than enough room to fill with all the plants and trees Reg desired.

Whatever he wanted. Conrad would do it.

He was roused from his thoughts and his place over the balcony doorway by Regina asking for his help.

“There is a delivery downstairs with some of my things. Would you help me bring them up?”

“Of course.”

Reg looked up, “I can help, too.”

Regina waved a hand at her son, “The two of us will be just fine. You keep playing.”

Reg smiled, because his mother could have said work but she knew all too well that gardening was not work for either of them. It was a passion.

Conrad followed her to the elevator and on the descent she faced him.

“When Reg told me over the phone I could stay here I can’t express how relieved I was. After we said goodbye I put the phone down and cried for hours. It was such freeing news. I’m so glad to be near him again and I hope this doesn’t cause any negativity for either of you.”

“Anything but. In fact I feel I need apologize. I never meant to take either of you away from each other.”

“Oh, dearie.” She patted his arm like mothers do, “You never have to apologize for that. Reg is yours now. All grown up. That’s the way of things.”

Conrad bowed his head and hoped the gesture conveyed all his gratitude.

“You’ve given him so much. More than happiness and confidence. You’ve healed him from years of rejection and done what I could not. You’ve set him free, Mr. Conrad. So thank you for saving my son.”

Conrad smiled and exhaled a huff, “James is fine. And thank you.”

Her smile extended to her eyes where happiness swelled. This woman loved so openly it made her a wonder. And Conrad knew this was where Reg’s warmth came from.

She was an influence Reg was blessed to have and Conrad was grateful for the opportunity to share.

“Then I insist you call me mom. You are a son to me now, after all.”

“I will. Thank you.” Conrad leaned down and kissed her cheek in the same manner Reg always did.

Upstairs, Reg washed his hands, arms, and face in the bathroom, finally done planting and watering. As he dried himself on a towel the door opened and he heard Conrad and his mother talking. He greeted them in the living room.

“What’s all that?” There were a pair of boxes and a large guitar case.

His mother smiled and approached him with the case and set it between them.

“This is your grandmother’s guitar.”

If human eyes could hold the sun then Reg’s were two stars blazing in space. He was nearly bouncing.

“As you know, your grandmother has spent the last few years slowly parting out her things to her children and grandchildren. This is now yours.” She presented it to him.

Reg looked between the case and his mother, as though his life energy were rollercoasting inside him.

“Really?” His voice wavered, “I mean… really?”

Regina nodded, “I know you’ll take good care of it.”

“Can I open it?”

Regina smiled, “Of course, dear. It’s yours.”

Conrad approached as Reg set it on the floor and undid the clasps. The case parted and a golden brown guitar caught in the light. Perfectly contoured and lacquered; it was old but looked new.

“Oh, it’s beautiful.” Conrad observed.

Reg lifted it from the case as if he were cradling an ancient artifact. His eyes, glassy and full of awe, fixated on its form for long moments.

“It’s so perfect.” He whispered.

Regina adjusted the strap to fit him and with the instrument slung around his neck he looked ready to perform on stage.

“There’s a letter here from her.” Regina offered a crisp, white envelope decorated in lace. The tone on tone made it look like a wedding invitation but it was simply a design choice that struck them all as very grandmotherly.

Reg opened it and pulled out a tri folded sheet of paper that looked like it had been around since the Victorian era.

Conrad moved closer and knelt beside him when Reg grasped in his direction, his eyes never leaving the letter. His brow creased and he drew several swallows of air to control his rising emotion.

Conrad, holding Reg’s hand, read the letter over his shoulder.

 

_Dear Reg,_

_I have no money or true inheritance to give, but I do have love and this guitar. Your passion for music has always made you stand out. I remember when you were little you’d dance to anything. These memories warm my heart and I hope some day you will have just as many as I do, if not more, to look back on._

_Had any of us been able to afford music lessons when you were a boy you would have been the first to go. Top of the list, as your grandfather always said. But alas we never managed to scrape the funds together._

_But it’s never too late to learn. So I hope you will take this guitar and learn to play just as I did so many years ago. It truly is a spiritual experience to master the art._

_Your mother has told me you found yourself a fine man. Handsome is what she says (I will require proof, just so you know) and kind hearted. There are no better men than those with good hearts. I hope the two of you find the happiness you deserve._

_Don’t change for anyone. You are loved exactly as you are._

_Love,_

_Grandma_

 

Reg was crying and pressing his face to Conrad’s shoulder. His voice was a wreck of barely shackled sobs as he spoke.

“D-don’t let me cry on t-the guitar.”

Conrad soothed him and wiped his tears. He held him and let him sob until he had nothing left but his happiness.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Late that evening when they were readying for bed, Reg sat on his usual side and tuned the guitar. He had an ear for it and once he completed the task he moved into a series of notes.

Conrad was impressed by the basic knowledge Reg already possessed. His comments were shrugged with a shy smile and Reg explained his middle school music class taught everyone this much.

It was a good foundation.

“You know everything happened so fast. Me visiting home. My dad disowning me. My mom coming out here. I hope she’s okay.”

Conrad eased into bed, “Are you?”

“Am I okay?” He thought for a moment, “I guess I’m not sure. But I know I will be. I’ve got you, after all, and I haven’t had a nightmare since you told me you loved me. Could be a coincidence but you never know.”

“Darling I’ll tell you as often as I can if that is what it takes.”

Reg grinned, “That’s so sappy. Don’t stop.”

Conrad was glad to hear the news. Perhaps the unofficial nature their relationship held for so long had indeed been causing strain on Reg’s unconscious mind.

“Would you like to visit your grandmother?”

Reg looked up from his guitar, “Huh?”

“I would like to meet her. I imagine it’s been some time since you’ve seen her, given she lives in Michigan and your last visit was brief.”

Reg nodded, “I really would like to go sometime soon. And I’d love to introduce you.”

“How about we plan something for next month?”

The delicate smile that overtook Reg’s face could lay waste to Conrad’s willpower. They agreed to look at their schedules and plan for a weekend.

Conrad listened to his experimentation on the guitar and drifted, content, until Reg called it a night and packed it away. The bed shifted and the sheets rustled when his space was entered.

“James?”

“Mh?” He turned his head, feeling relaxed, and wrapped his arm around Reg as he was curled against. The weight of Reg’s head on his shoulder was familiar and welcome and the brush of his untamable hair tickled his neck. A hand skated across his chest to curve over the bend of his ribs and he was held close like something dear to a child.

“Do you keep in touch with your family?”

A moment wrung from the past flashed across Conrad’s vision but he had no physical response. His silence stretched for too long as he mulled over his answer.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry.”

“You’re not.” He assured, “It can be difficult to find the words. The short of it is no, I do not keep in touch. Nor have I spoken to any of them in many years.”

“What happened?”

Conrad knew he was letting the silence expand again and wanted to head it off before Reg took it as a sign of discomfort. This was something he knew would come up, and he wasn’t afraid of the conversation. The opposite was true; he wanted to share this with Reg. Introducing the subject was a different beast, however. Now he had his way in.

“Many things happened. Primarily speaking, they could not accept my sexuality. Bisexual was as good as homosexual, which was viewed as immoral. Perverted. Over time things escalated. At first my father told me I was only allowed to bring home girls. That I had to hide who I was. Men were forbidden, regardless of my feelings.”

Here Conrad stroked through Reg’s hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He continued.

“When I was sixteen my father caught me kissing a boy from school. He chased my peer out and, as my mother watched and did nothing, he forced me over his knee and put to use a paddle always kept on the walls of our home. It had never been used until then. My siblings and I thought it only for decoration, but it left me sore for days. He didn’t stop beating me until I was bloody and he was exhausted.”

Reg squeezed him and the sound of his inhale said enough of how disturbed he found such behavior.

“I should clarify that it was not the beating that made me leave. It was what my father said. The things he called me. Derogatory, hateful things no parent should ever say to their child. So I left. Age sixteen. On my own, I abandoned my family in its entirety that day. Not just those that ostracized me - but everyone.”

“So you’ve spoken to none of them since?”

He shook his head, “Not a single one.”

Reg felt this insight explained why Conrad had never expressed interest in returning to England. Until now he’d wondered. He scooted higher and kissed Conrad’s cheek.

“That sounds lonely.”

“It’s in the past. I have you now and that more than makes up for severed familial ties. And you’re more than I deserve.”

Reg smiled, “ _Oohhhh, rubbish_.”

Conrad’s lips quirked at one corner, his smile amused by the convincing accent used. Reg had never done an impression of him before that he’d heard. It was nearly spot on.

“Are you mocking me?”

“Mocking? No. Gently poking fun at because I love you? Absolutely.”

Conrad rolled him over, chuckling at Reg’s innocent squeak, and spoke into his ear soft and low.

“I love you.”

The sentiment returned to him and they shared in kisses and tender touches until Reg managed to tame Conrad’s hungry advance.

“I have some time off saved up. I was thinking about Colorado. Have you ever been there? To the Rockies?”

“Never.”

“I can put in for a couple weeks off in the morning. In two weeks we can go, if you’d like.”

“I would love to.”

Reg’s smile was tired but wholehearted. Hands stroked Conrad’s face, thumbs traveling the lines of his cheekbones, and he was guided down until their noses brushed.

“Can you make love to me tonight, my Captain?”

Conrad wasn’t sure when the transition from a request for sex became a request for love but he knew hearing it made him willing regardless of how tired he was.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Colorado was not what Conrad expected. In actuality, he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. Warmer, perhaps? How silly of him.

Now he understood why Reg packed their thicker clothes and insisted on more food.

Sweeping landscapes unfurled before his eyes. Two days into their hike and high on a mountain was scenery Conrad had never witnessed before. It was beautiful in it’s complex simplicity; nature’s epic story told over hundreds of thousands of years only to end up here.

Here, where Conrad admired the peaks and trees and all the sounds of nature. His very existence felt lighter, somehow, and as Reg beckoned him from a higher point he pressed on until they stood side by side facing the land beneath.

The sun was beginning to set, throwing beams that glanced off the line where the sky met land. They watched it for long minutes as the endless above evolved through gradients of color like a metamorphosis. The world dimmed, slowly, and clouds tumbled. It was a never ceasing process that always captivated him.

Conrad adjusted his appreciative gaze to Reg, who stood beside him and half a step forward, and moved to slip his fingers into the smaller hand. Reg responded to his touch and their hands tangled together like a promise to never let go.

There was a tranquil wonder in Reg’s eyes that soothed Conrad’s soul and blanketed him in contentment. The smile on his face as he continued to watch the horizon was turned on him and Conrad stopped breathing.

Reg was sunlight personified. So much greater than him.

He felt pinned by that expression but Reg seemed immune to the same paralysis he was undergoing. There was love in his eyes and it both thrilled and terrified Conrad. Such depth of emotion. He could never deny the unspoken request.

Their bodies came together and Reg wrapped him in an embrace that freed him of his immobility.

He held Reg and heard the quiet whisper of affection manifesting in three words he never tired of hearing.

With the memory of the declaration echoing in his ears they stood in the dying light and kissed until it was dark.

It was in that darkness they did what they should have done hours earlier; they constructed their campsite and started a fire to keep the chill off.

No regrets for their late hike, they found satisfaction in a long day concluded with a sunset and kiss.

Reg curled to his side in their tent and pulled the thick blanket around them and kissed beneath his jaw and loosed an amused hum. A hand caressed his face and the scratch of stubble made them both smile.

They spoke of morning plans and shared kiss after kiss until Reg was spilled against him and struggling to continue their conversations. His voice grew softer and quieter with every answer until he was contributing little more than single words and soon a simple, happy hum.

Conrad looked into the dark abyss of the tent’s apex and sighed. Reg’s slight weight against him was comfortable and warm. Scents of wind and campfire kindling were soaked into his hair and Conrad turned his nose against the beautiful mess and inhaled. The arm wrapped across his chest made him feel wanted and all at once it was almost too much.

This is what he’d been searching for. Over half his life ago he’d been missing this sensation that now felt so simple he wondered how he ever struggled to identify it.

As though blind he’d been searching in all the wrong places. Had all the wrong ideas. Tracked all the wrong creatures and walked all the wrong paths.

It was this chance happening that had fallen into his arms which he’d snatched up that opened his eyes. He’d held tight and then tighter. Greedily. Almost possessively.

While he knew he was needy Reg never seemed to mind. He was never shunned or pushed away. Reg welcomed his advances every time. Sex always seemed to be an option available.

That was something Conrad fretted over, though only to himself.

Because it wasn’t sex he was after. Their intercourse was incredible and he loved their intimacy, but it wasn’t about getting off. His drive for sex was fueled by a desire to make Reg feel good. His own gratification wasn’t even second or third priority. It was Reg’s safety, happiness, and satisfaction he pursued.

But there was guilt presiding in his gut, and as he ran his fingers through Reg’s hair it manifested into a storm.

He had become Reg’s social support, effectively squirreling him away for himself. He did not encourage him to go out and make friends like he should have. He had never broached the subject of creating and strengthening bonds within a community. This enabling had kept Reg inside his comfort zone, which would never help him tackle his trauma or heal.

He had taken Reg from the world, he thought, and kept him. Monopolizing his time and company.

He didn’t deserve this brightness in his arms. This gift he wrapped himself around so tightly only to abandon for weeks or months at a time overseas.

The severance hurt and worsened his insistence for contact upon his return. He tried to hold himself back, but Reg was inviting and pliant. Responsive and encouraging.

But was this good for him? Was this the life Reg deserved?

Conrad held a deep seated bitterness for his assignments; every time he returned Reg told him how much he’d missed him. How the trip was too long and he worried about his safety.

He hated doing that to Reg. What good was he if he couldn’t be here for him when needed? And when he was here?  He wasn’t doing what was best for him.

Reg needed friends. He needed people to talk to and places to go in Conrad’s absence. He needed someone or someones who didn’t have to cancel so many plans because of mandatory missions.

He _deserved_ better.

But Conrad wasn’t sure he was strong enough to give him back to the world.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad regretted picking up the phone when they walked in the door. Fresh from their Colorado trip, he’d been looking forward to relaxing with Reg for the weekend before the record store opened Monday morning with its regular clerk.

“ _I need both of you to come in._ ” Brooks’ voice had a tinny sound over the line. It always did.

“When?”

“ _As soon as you have your luggage upstairs._ ”

Conrad glanced around the floor at the bags and knew Reg was already halfway to the car to retrieve the last pair.

“You do realize how unreasonable you lot are, don’t you?”

“ _Hey, time is money. Opportunities don’t wait around. And we waited until you were back from your trip when we could have helicoptered you in two days ago_.”

“Such kindness.”

“ _You get more sarcastic with every call_.”

Conrad sighed and pressed on, “Why do you need Slivko?” He liked to use Reg’s surname when talking to Brooks and other Monarch employees. _Reg_ was a name he reserved for his own time.                  

“ _Easy, we’re not intending to send him anywhere. We just want to ask him questions. We’re bringing in Mills, too. You guys can catch up, I imagine_.”

When Reg returned Conrad helped him with the bags and delivered the bad news.

“But we haven’t even been home ten minutes.”

“I know.”

“We have to go now?”

“Yes and no. Brooks wants us as soon as possible, but I’m making an executive decision. We need to shower.”

“And shave.”

Conrad nodded. He had five days of scruff whereas Reg only had one.

They showered, shaved, and dressed before Reg drove them to the compound. The halls were spacious and felt lonely as they walked beside one another.

Conrad knew the way and Reg didn’t like it. He spent too much time walking these halls and it seemed like a game of Russian roulette whether or not he’d be sent away again.

They were nearly to the conference room Conrad had pointed out on the compound directory when they were called.

“What are two fine gentlemen such as yourselves doing in a suspicious place like this?”

Reg turned with a smile on his face to see Mills standing with his hands on his hips as though imitating a warden.

“Dude! How the hell have you been? It’s been ages!”

“I’ve been alright. Been thinking about you, Slivko. Wondering what you’ve been up to. And Captain? Good to see you. I must be late. You two look like you’ve already caught up.”

“Actually,” Reg hesitated, “I live in the area now. I see James all the time.”

“Whoa,” Mills jerked his head away for effect, “first name basis, even.”

Conrad was stoic as Mills looked at him.

“You take this boy out on the town then, Captain? On a nice date? Propose yet?”

Conrad caught Reg’s discomfort and knew he didn’t know what was and wasn’t acceptable conversation in such a situation. He would show him.

“We don’t often go on dates, as we prefer to stay in. It suits us. In fact, just last night Reg made an amazing dinner over a fire.” He put a hand on Reg’s shoulder and rocked him, “Perhaps you can come by our apartment tonight and see what an incredible cook he is. I’m truly spoiled.” He leaned over and kissed Reg on the cheek, aware of the instant heat that rose in the wake of his lips.

Mills’ jaw dropped. Reg covered his reddening face with both hands. It was after several seconds of silence Conrad thought it appropriate to check on Mills.

“Are you alright?”

“I,” Mills swallowed, “you’re serious? This is… this is serious?” He motioned between Reg and Conrad.

“Very much so.”

“Wow.” Mills walked in a circle and ran a hand through his buzzed hair, “Lemme tell ya there are a lot of heartbroken women out there, Captain.”

Conrad’s lips curved into a sly smile, “I know. Reg is quite the catch. Though I’m afraid I won’t be sharing so they will have to endure their suffering.”

Reg made a quiet noise, his ears and cheeks burning, and pressed into Conrad’s arm as though he could hide.

Mills blinked and stared, “Wow. Just _wow_.”

Conrad’s brow knit together but he wasn’t harsh as he spoke. Instead he inquired in a genuine tone.

“Is it an issue? I understand if you’d prefer not to join us for dinner. But know you will be missing an experience crafted and handed down over generations.”

Reg rose onto his toes and whispered into Conrad’s ear, “You are embarrassing me.”

“My apologies. Shall I stop?”

“Please.”

“As you wish.” Conrad looked back to Mills, “Are you sure you’ll be alright? You look stunned.”

Mills bit his lip, as though brooding, and said, “I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. I guess I had an image in my brain about what two guys look like together and this ain’t it. This ain’t it at all. You know what? I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m just surprised, is all. It’s not an issue or anything. It’s just unexpected. Congrats, you two.”

They all three turned as a door opened several yards up the hall and Brooks popped out. He smiled.

“You three ready to start? Everyone’s waiting on you.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The meeting brought back memories the non-scientific among them would have preferred to keep locked. They spoke of their experiences, some of their stories intersecting, and when all was said and done they were free to go.

The revisiting of their initial exit interviews (interrogations) sent Reg out the door with a shadow lurking overhead. Conrad tasked himself with spilling light into those dark corners. He did so by asking if he’d like to cook for Mills and Mason tonight.

Reg’s love of cooking and baking ignited and they went home to prepare. Regina was invited and she insisted she arrive early to help with preparations.

Mills and Mason arrived at the same time, dressed in nice but casual clothes. Around Mason’s neck and held in her hands was a sharp looking camera.

Conrad invited them in and gestured to the dining table they had put a center leaf into to accommodate the added company. The apartment smelled of garlic bread and pasta and Conrad knew they were all in for a treat.

Conrad set the table as they conversed and Reg contributed to the conversation from where he stood before the stove, his voice clear over the island separating the dining room from the kitchen.

Reg announced the food was done, telling his mother to have a seat she had worked hard enough today, and Conrad moved to help bring the prepared dishes to the table. He stopped Reg, who was on his way to the table with a basket of garlic bread slices, and pulled him in for a brief kiss to his cheek.

“You’re beautiful, darling.”

Reg’s face tinted red from more than the heat of the stove and oven. He bowed his head in that way Conrad found so endearing and displayed a lopsided smile. Shy, even now, in the face of a compliment.

Mason’s voice rose in a playful, drawn out tone, “Give him a kiss.”

Reg laughed, as though to shrug off the suggestion, but Mills joined the game.

“Show us how it’s done, Cap! Kiss that boy!”

Conrad, his hand still preventing Reg from moving forward, leaned close to his ear and whispered to him.

“Perhaps we should give them what they want.”

“Do it!” Mills near cheered.

“Kiss him already. He’s desperate for it.” Mason.

Conrad took the basket from Reg’s unresisting hands and set it on the island top as he kissed a warm cheek. His hands, now free of the slight burden, took Reg about the hips and guided him so they were facing each other. They kissed. Sweet.

And when they parted two scant seconds later Conrad saw the love and heat in Reg’s eyes. They were glossy. He took Reg’s face in his hands and pushed back his bangs and stroked his cheeks.

This time when he leaned in their kiss lingered. Slow and innocent to start, Conrad heard the soft ‘aww’ from the gallery.

Reg’s hands curled in the front of Conrad’s shirt and he inhaled through the kiss. His head tipped, the unspoken signal for more, and Conrad escalated the expression to something almost primal.

Reg was held close and his rising enthusiasm bled a famished aggression into his behavior.

Conrad’s hands held the backs of his jaw now and there was no escape. They were engrossed and prepared to ride their passion until they were both breathless.

There was a noise Conrad recognized as a camera snap and he knew Mason was cataloguing. He didn’t mind.

From the table rose Mills’ whisper, “ _Holy shit_.” He was surprised. Impressed.

Good, Conrad thought. Good of him to see what love looked like. What he could still find and have even after Vietnam. After the island.

Reg’s tiny, wavering whine was the sign he needed air and they parted with a quiet, damp sound.

Conrad saw his eyes shadowed by lashes but could still see his pupils dilated. Reg’s faint panting made his chest tighten and he fell harder for him.

Not quite finished, he kissed the side of Reg’s mouth and heard the near silent shutter of a camera for a second time.

“I love you.”

Reg’s murmur, sounding tired but content, brought a smile to Conrad and he embraced him and returned the sentiment equally as soft spoken.

Their meal was casual and filled with conversation. When done, Mason stood and took a picture of the table and several snaps of Reg and Mills together like the reunited comrades they were. Their conversations split off and Mason caught Regina in the kitchen and talked to her in quiet but not hushed tones. The boys were distracted by their own chatter.

“I saw you tearing up when they kissed.”

“Yes, I felt rather overcome in the moment. This is all I’ve ever wanted for Reg. This happiness and acceptance.”

“You know, I never see James smile at anyone the way he does at your son. He’s very special to him and brings out a side I’d never seen before. They really do love each other.”

Regina nodded and her retained happy tears from earlier escaped and bent around her smile. She was silent and Mason produced a clean handkerchief from her back pocket and offered it as she held Regina’s free hand and squeezed. They rejoined the table after Regina dried her tears and after conversation died down the boys insisted on clearing the table.

Conrad and Reg reassured their guests they were welcome to stay and chat. They did linger for a time, but it was Regina to excuse herself first. She said her goodbyes and told Mills it was great to meet him. She hugged all of them in turn and it wasn’t much longer before Mason and Mills said their own goodbyes.

Reg had a happy buzz about him, his smile lingering, and Conrad made a mental note to take Reg out. To help him socialize with others so this content happiness was something he’d experience more. For now he would fortify the elation and he did so by complimenting Reg and delivering the sappy one-liners that were now so predictable. Reg blushed and called him out on his romantic dramatizations but nonetheless was smiling and told him not to stop.

It was late in the evening when, after they had cleaned up, they made love.

It was everything to Conrad. Sheets twisted around Reg’s legs from their roaming didn’t deter them. The skin of Reg’s neck beneath his mouth was exquisite and the grip of him, upright and riding, was addictive. When they faced each other this way Conrad was able to see every distressed line of desperation, hear in detail every whimper and almost plea, and feel so much of Reg it was surreal. He had sucked a dark mark onto the base of his neck before he caught himself.

Reg’s movements became rigid, jerky, and he cried out, oversensitized, as he succumbed to a purely prostate orgasm. Conrad stilled him at the thighs, supporting his trembling weight and taking in the sight of a young man undone by pleasure.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg had woken the next morning feeling pliant and free of stress. He’d been worried yesterday when they’d both been called into Monarch. Now it seemed faraway.

Last night had given him a bone weary satisfaction; Conrad’s lovemaking had a way of ramping up his orgasms and it had taken him several minutes to recoup before he could continue. He could masturbate in Conrad’s absence but his solo orgasms never had near the potency they did with his assistance.

After an orgasm there was always a few minutes of uselessness in his limbs. Like his batteries had discharged. He felt bad for the delay but Conrad, ever patient, never rushed or prodded. The sensations from last night had come from within him and created waves of pleasure. Down through his thighs where he tingled and out from his pelvis. He’d been wrecked by pleasure.

And as always he was granted time and they took things slow. When he recovered he had used the headboard as leverage and worked his hips at a relaxed pace. Up and down. Forward and back.

The longer he worked Conrad, building him up, the better he knew his orgasm would be and that, more than anything, is what his goal had been. He’d kissed Conrad at his peak and swallowed the low grunt, pleased he had wrung such intensity from him.

They remained joined for a time and kissed and touched until it was well past time to shower and sleep.

Reg remade their bed that Sunday morning and near to noon the phone rang. It wasn’t his mother like he’d been expecting but instead was Brooks. He asked for Conrad and Reg hesitated before he walked to the table where Conrad was cleaning their running shoes and touched his shoulder. His expression said enough as he handed the phone over. He knew what Brooks wanted based on the solemn tone he’d used.

The conversation was short and Reg relieved him of the phone before he could stand to return it to the receiver and did so for him. He walked back to Conrad and draped himself around and over his broad shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Conrad kissed his cheek.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry. I won’t be able to go see your grandmother this time. They’ll have me for at least four months. Could be longer. They’re not sure yet.”

Reg nodded, his good mood scuttled and the stress returning.

“I hate cancelling plans on you.” Conrad held the hand hanging over his chest and squeezed. He could feel the room brought down and dreaded leaving.

Reg hugged and nuzzled against him, “I’m not mad or upset at you. I’m upset with _them_. They’re the ones that take you away. So long as you come back to me, alive and safe, I don’t care how many plans are cancelled. I just want you home again at the end of all this.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

All Reg wanted was his safe return. It was a low bar, Conrad thought, and he always took every precaution when on assignment to ensure he granted that wish.

He had a week until his departure, which he spent nearly wrapped around Reg at every opportunity. He made love to him every day, sometimes more than once and on Wednesday three times, and by Friday they were both worn with satisfaction and the exercise.

Keeping his agreement with himself, Conrad took Reg out to meet new people. A gay bar was somewhere Reg had never been and was happy to agree to the first time experience.

Reg was hesitant at first. The music was loud and the crowds were thick in places. Conrad set an arm around his shoulders and held him in a half embrace and kissed his cheek and spoke into his ear.

“If you’re uncomfortable with anything at all we can leave. I understand if the noise is too much.”

Reg nodded and wrapped an arm around his back and leaned into him. He knew he was twitchy around large crowds and loud noises. And he knew Conrad was tuned into his discomforts. But he didn’t want to ruin the outing. They so rarely went on them he wanted to do this for Conrad.

He forced down his anxiety and hardened his nerves. Logic told him this was a safe environment for him. No monsters ready to pounce and eat them alive would be lurking behind corners or in crowds. He had no reason to be shaking and his self counseling brought him to a state of stability.

A tall woman seemed to spot them and came over to introduce herself. It was when this stranger spoke, stating her name as DeeDee, that Reg realized he was looking at a Drag Queen. He had never seen one in person before.

His lingering worries melted in the face of DeeDee’s friendliness and kindness and he smiled. They shook hands and Conrad fired up conversation by introducing them as a couple and explaining this was Reg’s first time at such a place.

“Oh honey,” hands came up in a dramatic gesture that showcased long fake nails, “welcome and don’t be shy. If you need anything don’t you hesitate one second. While on stage my name is DeeDee, off stage I’m Mickey. I’ll be done for the night after my next performance. How about I come find you boys after I’m in my civilians and introduce you to some regulars?”

Reg had to stop himself from jumping at the offer and instead graciously accepted.

The night was a whirlwind of faces and conversations. Mickey turned out to be an average looking guy. His distinguishing feature was his height, which surpassed Conrad’s.

Reg met other gay men and they all varied in looks, personalities, and backgrounds. He knew, logically, that he wasn’t strange or alone, but seeing all these people had impact. By the end of their date night he was exhausted. His social stamina had been exceeded and he knew his lack of exposure in the last five or better years was why he felt so ragged.

But he was happy and when they were home he showered as Conrad remade their bed for the week to come. They switched and as Conrad cleaned up he sat on his side of the bed and practiced with his guitar.

He was humming a tune and following it with plucked strings when Conrad came into the bedroom wearing only a towel.

“Did you enjoy the evening?” Conrad ruffled his hair dry and dropped the towel into the hamper before he sat on the bed.

“I did. Though I’m really tired.”

“It was a lot to take in.”

Reg confirmed, “It was really interesting and fun, but I don’t think it’s something I could do often. Not really my thing. I prefer one-on-one time with you.”

Conrad had known that, but it eased him some to hear it.

“You leave tomorrow.” Reg strummed his guitar, all strings open, and his worn happiness was replaced by weary sadness.

Conrad moved over to him and kissed his cheek. There weren’t any words he could conjure that would sufficiently express how he was feeling.

“I hate doing this to you.” His voice was quiet.

Reg put his guitar down, on the stand beside the bed, and turned in to kiss him. Conrad eased back as he was advanced on and was straddled to the bed. Their lips parted but Reg remained close.

“You said you’ll write to me often.”

“And I will.”

“I’ll think about you every day. And when you come home we’ll make love and it will be perfect because we’ll have waited so long. I love you, my Captain.”

Reg kissed him before he could reply with the same sentiment and they were a disaster of tired touches and sweet kisses. When he felt Reg’s erection press against his hip his senses focused and his exhaustion moved aside. He undressed Reg from his sleep shirt and boxer briefs and they completed their week of lovemaking.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Sunday, mid morning, was when Conrad was due at Monarch. When his alarm went off, blaring in the silence of 6am, Reg rolled over and hugged him close. He shut the alarm off and let sleep slip from his bones as he enjoyed what would be his last physical contact with Reg for a long time. He turned his face against that wild hair and kissed the top of Reg’s head.

Reg murmured, “I’ll make you breakfast.”

Conrad made tea and did dishes from yesterday while Reg cooked. They had their meal and after showered together. As they washed away the splatter of cooking over a hot stove Conrad kissed him again and again and wished he could slow down these remaining hours before his departure.

But it was over too soon and Reg drove him in and they shared a long goodbye.

It killed Conrad a little inside to leave Reg standing at the open door of the car as he walked away.

“Be safe.” Reg called after him.

He would honor those words with everything he was.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

7.19.2017


	5. Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be up front with you... there is rock climbing in this chapter and I have never been rock climbing, Indoor or out. So I did some quarter-assed (didn't even make it to half-assed) research and I don't really know much. So if it's wrong just grant me some leeway and roll with it? Had I more time on my hands I would have done a better job. Honest. Truly.
> 
> Also, this isn't the last chapter because I am unapologetically wordy (I should have foreseen this but Alas! I did not). I'm on Part 7 currently. Could stretch to 8 parts if I can't tidied it up quick. Sorry (But not really).
> 
> Enjoy the smut this chapter because I have no shame and very little self control (actually this one was planned... but I am still deficient in self control).

Part V

 

Africa was hot and dry. Conrad hadn’t slept well on the flight, noisy and bumpy as it was, and he was aware he may have been grumpy. His crew was friendly and spoke English well enough they had few communication issues. He imagined the nice chunk of money Monarch offered up for a guide service had them in good spirits.

The first two weeks of his assignment were uneventful and only halfway into the third week did he realize the absence of sexual desire. He was horny now, but his weeklong lovemaking adventure with Reg had taken it out of him for just shy of three weeks.

True to his word he wrote Reg often. At least once a week. Usually more. Now, regarding his desire, he had some humor to inject into his letter.

His sixth week they checked into a local hotel. It was simplistic but a bed, no matter how lumpy, was still superior to the uncomfortable mats they’d been sleeping on in the beds of trucks. Maybe he was getting old, as the things that bothered him now had been minor irritants ten, even five years ago.

He was unsuspecting when their new shipment of supplies had a letter for him. The handwriting on the front read his name in unmistakable, cursive handwriting that was fancy but only half legible. The flare to the capital J on his name, replicated in the C of his surname, was a rambunctious swoop and the overcompensation was rather artistic. All lowercase letters were  subtle scrawls, tiny on the paper, and he had to pull it closer to be certain each letter was indeed present. They were.

This letter was from Reg.

His guides invited him to drink but he politely declined and took his belongings and fresh supplies to his room and opened the letter with his pocketknife. From the first line he was smiling.

 

_ Dear Captain Badass, _

__ _ I must say it was difficult but after two weeks of badgering I convinced Brooks to send this letter with your next supply drop. He initially blabbed on and ON (as he does, boringly) about protocol and security issues but I was victorious through sheer stubbornness. As for those security issues, we came to an agreement that the insensitive ass would read my letters before they were sent to ensure I’m not a complete fucking idiot and that my personal letter to my loverboy does not contain sensitive information. _

 

Conrad stopped here, lowering the letter and smiling so wide he had to take a moment. He missed this sass.

 

__ _ Alas, it is with great disappointment that I inform you Brooks has only gotten uglier. I’m so sorry you’ll have to look at that for hours upon your return. _

 

Conrad chuckled. Brooks must have given Reg a hell of a time for this kind of shredding. 

 

__ _ Thank you for every letter you’ve written. Words fail to express how much they mean to me. I hope you stay as cool and hydrated as possible (Brooks is not good at keeping sensitive information secret because he let slip your location so I’m thinking maybe I should be reading his letters from now on - just to keep things fair). _

_ Know that your temporary reprieve from SEXUAL DESIRE- _

 

Conrad laughed, sudden and free.

 

_ -was also something I underwent, though sadly mine only lasted a bit over a week. But I suppose when you FUCK as HARD and OFTEN as we did the week leading up to your departure it leaves you feeling a bit sexed out for a time. _

__ _ I am glad to hear you are safe, unharmed, and doing as well as one can be all torture considered. Brooks would not let me send a care package because he is an asshole. So instead I send all my love. I would have sent myself if I could have but Brooks didn’t want to pay for postage. _

 

The letter continued but refrained from further stabs at Brooks while Reg’s writing outlined, in brief, what he’d been up to. It was good to read how he was keeping busy. After a few paragraphs the letter tidied up.

 

__ _ Mom says hello and sends kisses and hugs. She misses you, too, and wishes you well. _

__ _ Stay safe. I love you. _

__ _ Yours, _

__ _ Sassypants McGee _

_ PS: Bring home a lion cub. We’ll raise it as our own. _

_ PSS: Brooks had issues with the above lion cub mention due to it potentially narrowing down your location for prying eyes but I told him to take the stick out. He did not seem to find humor in this. _

_ PSSS: I am incredibly HORNY. Please come home soon and stick your penis in me. _

 

This was, without a doubt, the most entertaining letter Conrad had ever been written. He could hear Reg’s voice as he’d read and it filled him with bittersweet longing. He missed Reg’s laugh and his kisses. His smile. His beckoning hands. Everything about him.

As time rolled on the letter was something Conrad thought about every day and it never failed to bring a smile to his face.

In the following weeks the guides drove on through the arid landscapes of Africa and he found nothing of use to Monarch. Weeks stretched to months and still there was no evidence of ancient creatures despite what had seemed like a solid lead at the start of all this.

He continued to write to Reg and every month received one letter in return.

At the end of his fourth month in Africa he had to write a disheartening letter to inform Reg he would not be home for another two months. They had to continue and check the remaining points of interest.

When he had three weeks left he felt like he were withering inside. Gone this long from Reg made him realize how much he loved him. He missed Regina as well. Her motherly doting and kind words were things he soaked in like he’d been starved all his life of parental affection.

As they entered the last week scheduled, Conrad worried his stay would be extended again. He feared more locations would be sent for them to search and his time away would grow to a year before they knew it.

But then he found something. Runes carved into the earth deep below the surface. Hidden away and untouched for many years. He took pictures with the cameras Monarch had provided but they would need a professional.

Mason was dispatched and arrived two days later with a crew of nearly two dozen.

She looked well and hand delivered a letter from Reg and a basket of food from both Reg and Regina. Conrad felt emotional and he knew he looked haggard.

“You could use a shave.” Mason teased.

Conrad huffed a laugh, “Good to see you, too.” They hugged.

“So where are they? The faster we catalogue the faster we get you home.”

Conrad didn’t waste time and was opening the letter as he motioned for her to follow. He read the letter as he walked, smiling the entire time. It wasn’t as long as the others but within it was all the love and affectionate ramblings detailed in overdramatic sass he expected from Reg.

When done he folded it and stashed it in his back pocket and led Mason to the entrance of the cave.

Three days they spent combing the runes before loading all their equipment and belongings into helicopters. As they took off, toward an airport, Conrad was reminded of Skull Island.

Mason’s knuckles at the back of his hand drew his attention and severed his tether to his memories. He looked at her hand and then her face. She was staring at the floor, her hand still pressed against his.

He placed his hand in hers, sensing they were both reminiscing about the same thing. There was a part of him that wondered if the gesture was more for Mason or himself.

He supposed it didn’t matter. Gratitude rose in him in response to Mason’s friendship.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Their plane landed and they were shuttled to the Monarch compound. Conrad was on his way to check out his bags when Brooks caught him.

“You’re not going to like this.” It was a terrible way for Brooks to start a conversation, “But we have to send you to India.”

“When?”

“In two hours.”

Conrad’s face soured, “Are you serious?”

Brooks saw in Conrad the same man he’d seen when they’d first met. The harsh, uncompromising, decommissioned British SAS Captain. Sometimes he forgot that side of him still existed. It had never been given a reason to reveal itself again until now and Brooks tried to maintain his professional facade even though he wanted to apologize ten times.

“Unfortunately, yes. We have a window of opportunity and if we don’t take it now it’ll be gone.”

“Send someone else.”

“We can’t. We need you specifically.”

“Don’t you have another specialist?”

“He’s in the hospital. Coma. Bad accident - uh - unrelated to Monarch business.”

“Two hours then?” Conrad crossed his arms, slow, over his chest.

“I’ll need to debrief you and then brief you on the new assignment. We’ll have to hurry to cover everything before you-”

“I’m going to make a phone call.” Conrad turned and headed for the door.

“Conrad - James. I know this is short notice and you’ve been gone but-”

Conrad turned and his stare pinned Brooks to the floor. He advanced, hellfire burning in his eyes, “You are all very much aware of my relationship with Reg Slivko by now, are you not?”

Brooks looked hesitant but answered, “Yes. Yes, we are aware of it.”

“When I say I’m going to make a phone call the least you can do is provide me ten minutes to call the man I love and explain to him why, after six months overseas, I will not be seeing him today. Or anytime this week. Understand?”

Brooks nodded, “I get it. And I’m sorry.”

“How long will this assignment take?”

“Six to eight weeks.”

“Up to another two months. I am very displeased. Know that.”

Conrad had little regard for the personal offices of Monarch employees. He found a vacant one that was open and let himself in, securing the lock and keeping the lights off. He sat behind the oak desk in the corner and picked up the clunky black phone and disentangled the abused cord. He cradled the receiver between his face and shoulder and pressed the combination of numbers he knew would connect him to the world outside the compound. He followed it with the number to his apartment knowing Reg was usually home at this time.

It rang three times before it picked up.

“ _ Hello? _ ” Reg’s voice temporarily paralyzed him. He hadn’t heard it in so long he felt blessed in the moment. It made him weak and he had to collect himself. Focus himself. Steel himself. Because it hurt to deliver the news.

“ _ Hello? _ ” Reg asked again. Conrad drew a breath.

“I’ve missed the sound of your voice, darling.”

_ “James! Oh my god I was just getting ready to go shopping I’m so glad I was procrastinating. Where are you? _ ”

“Homebase.”

“ _ You’re back then? Are you coming home soon? _ ”

“It pains me to say no.”

Reg waited for him to continue.

“Brooks told me they need to send me out again almost immediately.”

“ _ Oh. Must be important _ .” The sadness in Reg’s voice was heartbreaking to Conrad. It echoed everything he was feeling.

“It had better be. I have enough time to be debriefed, clean up, and be briefed on this new assignment before departure. I am decidedly displeased. And I am also very sorry, my dear. I’ve missed you so much. All I’ve been thinking about is seeing you and now it will be up to another two months before I’m home again.”

“ _ I miss you, too. But I understand. I love you _ .” He could hear the waver in Reg’s voice.

“I love you, too. I have a few minutes. Will you tell me how you’ve been?”

Reg sniffed and gathered himself, “ _ Lonely. Tired. Frustrated _ .”

“Frustrated?”

“ _ Sexually _ .”

“Ah.” Conrad smiled.

“ _ Self service just isn’t a substitute for you _ .”

“I would hope not.” Conrad shifted back in the chair, “Know that you are on my mind every day. It is both a torture and something I would never consider giving up.”

“ _ Hearing your voice makes me want to kiss you _ .”

Conrad bit his lip and smiled, “That kind of talk is dangerous over the phone.”

Reg laughed.

Conrad looked up when the doorknob jiggled.

“Ah, I’m loath to say it but I must go. I have commandeered someone’s office and they are trying to get in.”

“ _ Okay. Thank you. For calling. Stay safe. Come home soon _ .”

“I’ll do my best.”

They said goodbye and Conrad terminated the call. Before standing he drew a sobering, solidifying breath in attempt to renew his willpower. It wasn’t enough but he didn’t have a choice but to weather his misery.

When he unlocked and opened the door a middle aged white man looked up at him in surprise.

“Apologies.” Conrad brushed by him, “Carry on.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad survived his debriefing and utilized the compound’s showers after a thorough shave. Once he finished scrubbing Africa from his body he grabbed a small towel and ruffled it through his hair as he walked to his locker. The air was humid but cool from the mist of showers but had little effect on his steaming skin. Curls of vapor brushed upward from his shoulders and ascended in translucent wafts toward the ceiling. A hot shower did some measure of good for his stiff muscles that had been agitated on the long journey home in a cramped airplane.

He looked up at the sound of footsteps as he was shaking out a shirt but nearly dropped it when he saw Reg approaching.

“ _ Darling _ .” The surprise in his voice rebounded off walls like a bell in the stark quiet of the room. He abandoned the shirt, hyperaware of how breathless Reg looked, and noted the crease on his brow as they met halfway.

Reg melded against him. They didn’t waste time with words but kissed the moment their hands were upon each other. A tender sound, that of a sigh happy and needy but basted with a distress that had yet to melt away emerged from Reg.

Conrad had waited six months for this moment. Six months too long, he noted as every pressure, every tilt and leading gesture of Reg’s head, and every gentle slide of a hand over his chest left him energized despite his fatigue.

_ This _ was what he was alive for. Never in his life did he have a sense of purpose until Reg Slivko. He relieved him of his unzipped light jacket and it crumpled to the floor. They were closer now but hands smoothing from his chest to his lower belly made him aware he was naked aside from the towel around his hips and Reg was fully clothed. Already his hands crept beneath his shirt, as though one step ahead of his mind, to touch the warm skin that hadn’t felt his attention in a half year.

Their kiss ended in a sudden breakaway as Reg, already having arrived half out of breath, needed air. He leaned his weight into Conrad and embraced him in a tight, possessive hold.

Conrad stroked through his damp hair and kissed the top of his head. He inhaled.

“You are fresh from a shower as well.”

Reg leaned to look up and his eyes were half lidded as though their reunion had pushed him toward some state of drunkenness. Perhaps their kissing had done it. Conrad watched him reach into his back pocket and heard the familiar rustle and knew what was about to be presented the moment before the condom appeared between Reg’s index and middle finger.

“I came to get you laid, Captain. Do you have time before your next meeting?”

Conrad exhaled, smiling, and kissed him, “I’m making time.”

There were few places in Monarch that were not under surveillance or prone to interruption. Any office would guarantee their intimacy would be filmed. Conrad wasn’t interested in a visit to HR to explain why he thought it permissible to have sex on someone’s desk. This forethought led him to the only logical conclusion.

The bathrooms were not supervised and while the thought of a lavatory was not ideal, Conrad knew the single stall bathrooms were cleaner and had locks. That would provide their guaranteed privacy.

Reg, already trembling from arousal and rushing to see him, issued no complaints as he was ushered out of the locker room and pulled into the bathroom immediately to their right. It was convenient, and a thrill went through him at the sight of Conrad in the open hall mostly naked where anyone could see him. But the hall was empty and they soon disappeared from any potentially prying eyes and secured themselves in the tidy restroom.

Conrad undressed him, peppering sweet kisses across his face and praising him for his boldness. It was attractive and as he removed Reg’s pants that attraction surged when he felt and saw the familiar bands which hadn’t been used since their camping trip before his admission of love. Conrad thought them incomparably sexually compatible. It filled his chest with a dozen different emotions that were impossible to corral so he let them flow through him and didn’t attempt to pin a single one.

Reg was shaking, his flushed erection leaking a trail that positively begged Conrad’s attention.

“Ohh you are spoiling me today.” Conrad followed one band with firm pressure until he could press at the plug inside Reg. The base was larger than the one before and urging it deeper made Reg’s breathing hitch.

“I knew you wouldn’t have much time so I used a thicker one. I should be ready for you.”

The information burned hot and arousing through every vein in Conrad and Reg’s breathy voice against his mouth, hushed as though he spoke secrets, flared his sexual appetite further. Reg touched him, having removed him of the towel earlier, and together they rolled the condom on. Their synced movements brought their foreheads together; they had long since mapped each other. Never before had Conrad known someone this thoroughly, both emotionally and physically. It was as telling as any of their lovemaking how suitable they were for one another. These thoughts reassured Conrad as he removed each strap and let the plug, slick with lubricant, glide free.

He hefted Reg onto the counter and set him near the edge. Legs spread to welcome him and he cradled the base of Reg’s skull, his neck feeling frail when relaxed, and let him tip back until his hands extended behind to find support on the counter.

Reg was indeed ready for him. When they joined there was no discomfort. Conrad withheld his desire to stroke Reg’s erection, knowing by the tremors how close he already was to his finish. He worked into him, casual, and let the tension of an orgasm coil deep inside both of them. Reg’s little stilted noises were punctuated by needy wavers when he thrust just right. There was an unspoken attempt at discretion. Reg was controlling his vocals, keeping them dampened but not silencing them.

A part of Conrad wanted him to let go; to scream his pleasure freely to the entire compound and inform all ears within range that, yes, he was taken and well cared for. That he belonged to someone, and someone to him.

Conrad bit low on Reg’s neck and sucked until he was certain the mark would last a week or better. A love bite; a reminder of him that Reg would see every day in the mirror when getting up for the day. He moved on, up to the juncture just below his ear and kissed it. It was a teasing touch, a mere taste of what he was capable of, and roused a sound much like a  _ please  _ or  _ yes there _ from Reg. He licked over the place before he began sucking. His pressure was forgiving. There would be no mark here, despite both their desire for one.

Reg’s vocalizations grew louder with the attention to his neck and the continual pistoning of Conrad inside of him. Tears squeezed out the corners of his eyes as his erection pulsed and pleaded to be relieved of the imposed wait.

Conrad broke from his neck and shushed his near sobs with soothing, affectionate words.

Those shaky inhales accompanied by desperate whimpers informed him Reg was right on the precipice and ready to dive. He was holding on, barely, to any shred of control he could to draw out this pleasure. Conrad knew Reg did this for him. Held on until he just couldn’t a moment longer. All in effort to build Conrad’s pending orgasm.

But Conrad was close and he knew it. Their time apart had them both on a hair trigger. There was no reason for Reg to torture himself this way. He cupped the side of his face and spoke against the shell of his ear, his voice hot and breathy.

“Will you come for me, darling?”

Words failed Reg, hitching in his throat. A sound tumbled from him and he began shaking. Conrad looked down, his hips still working, and watched the stream of ejaculate trail, thick, from the tip of Reg’s erection to the base.

Reg’s hands framed the sides of Conrad’s neck to provide himself support as his collapse took him. He sobbed once, his hands shaking and near squeezing, and began to melt in Conrad’s arms as the thrusting ceased. His pleasure still high but receding into satiation that would leave him content, Reg bowed his head and let tears fall from his face.

Conrad soothed him. This was his sensitive boy; overcome by pleasure to the point of tears. He loved him, and loved making him orgasm from prostate stimulation. They were the strongest climaxes Reg experienced and would leave him satisfied for days. He nuzzled against his hair and kissed the damp strands wet from a shower and sweat as he cleaned him of the substantial mess. The scent was powerful, filling the small room and flooding Conrad’s nose. He kissed Reg’s lax mouth and there was a half-aware response which attempted to reciprocate.

When Reg recovered from his sex stupor he pressed at Conrad’s chest for space and shifted. They slipped apart and Conrad helped him down from the counter. He imagined the position had not been the most comfortable over time.

Reg turned around and drew him close so his back contoured to his front and trapped his patient erection between them. He reached up to capture the side of his face in one hand and twist into a kiss.

They did not often make love facing away from each other but he was open to the idea and invited Conrad to take charge. He was positioned and breached again, trembling as he was filled and an oversensitized jolt raced through him.

“Are you alright?” Conrad’s rich voice against his ear.

He nodded and pushed his hips back as encouragement. The dance proceeded without another delay. Conrad laid kisses across his shoulders and the back of his neck as he moved him with his increasing tempo of thrusts.

The short intermission had granted Conrad more stamina, pushing back his orgasm, and he was able to last much longer than he expected. But when Reg arched against him like a stretching cat, moaning quiet and low, Conrad found his release in the added tightness the motion generated. His hips stuttered and he clenched his teeth, silent as his orgasm laced through him like white hot poison. It warped his sight for the barest moment and he felt dizzy and drained of months of pent up desire.

Reg let him descend at his own pace and reveled in the warm kisses that were dropped here and there across his back. When Conrad slipped free of him he turned around for an insistent kiss, fingers curling in the hair at the nape of his neck.

Conrad followed the relaxed lead until they parted without hurry. While their orgasms had been deeply satisfying it was their bond that sent a shiver through him.  

This was what he sought at the end of every day. Not the heat of lovemaking or the intense orgasms, but this solidarity and love. This effort of Reg coming to see him even though they only had this brief time together. These simple gestures of affection and devotion fueled him, raised him to some higher plane of existence where everything felt pure and good.

Conrad stroked his face, “Thank you. For coming to see me.”

Reg’s smile was knowing as he said in Conrad’s accent, “ _ Of course _ .”

And Conrad was flashed back to a modest hotel room in Detroit.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

His visit from Reg had renewed him. He started his next assignment with a tight, positive leash on his willpower. He could survive the wait in better spirits now. And when he made it home again they would spend several days making love again and again to offset the time apart.

Four days into their travels they spotted the markings, cave paintings or some ancient scrawling, on a cliff. Conrad could now tell it was the same cliff they had been sent poor quality photos of. His briefing on the mission, rushed due to his visit with Reg, had flashed dozens of images across a projector. All of them were grainy, as though taken in poor lighting or with the incorrect camera settings.

Their local guide began unloading climbing gear. Conrad didn’t like the look of some of the equipment and requested they only use the items that appeared in good working condition. The guide shrugged but acquiesced.

Conrad used the climbing harness that looked newer but it was still old. He tugged at it, jerking powerfully, to ensure the seams were still strong. They held well enough. He geared up and clipped the two best looking carabiners to himself after testing them.

“You’ve done this before.” Mason stepped up beside him, two cameras cradled in her expert hands. One had a long lense. The other snubbed.

“Yes.” Conrad began testing the gear for a second time, “Never with such shoddy equipment. I should have brought my own.”

“Is all that even safe?”

“It appears to be holding up.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t do this.”

“I’d rather not be.” He looked at her, his face unreadable, “I’d rather be in Washington, as I’m sure you can relate to.”

She smiled and it was mischievous, “You have more reason to be there than I do.”

“Mm,” Conrad began stretching, “are you certain? I saw you with a man not long ago. Walking the streets like a pair on a tentative date.”

“Busted.”

“Anything serious there?”

“Maybe.”

“Worth taking home to mom or dad?”

“Is this twenty questions? Why so nosey?”

“If I recall it wasn’t too distant in the past you were sticking your nose into my business. Is this so unfair? Is it wrong for me to look out for a friend?”

Mason half rolled her eyes but was smiling, “Me sticking my nose into your business landed you a boyfriend.”

“I suppose it did.” He’d have to give her that one, “Thank you.”

Mason regarded him with soft amusement, “He’s not anything like you or Slivko. He’d probably bore both of you half to death. Hell, I’m not sure why he doesn’t bore me.”

“What does he do?”

“Accounting.”

“That does sound boring. Is he soft in the middle from that desk job?”

She laughed.

“Where will you be shooting from?”

She pointed back a distance at a small swell of land in a clearing, “I can get clear shots from there but the pictures will only be for general record keeping purposes not cataloging the findings. You’ll be in charge of that.”

“Am I qualified? I’ve only had two lessons from you.”

“It’ll have to do.” She handed him the snub-lense camera, “Treat it well.”

Conrad secured the expensive camera to his back, strapping it down where he could easily reach it but also keeping it in a place unlikely to scrape against the cliff.

The guide went first, beginning to scale the rock face handily. Conrad waited his turn.

“So,” He said, holding the dangling line once the guide was ten feet up, “Have you two had many outings?”

“Three or four.”

“Three or four? You’re uncertain? Seems a small enough number to warrant remembering.”

“Oh fuck off.” They both smiled, “Four, okay? First one hardly counted though.”

“Have you taken him for a spin?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I figured it only fair, what with you knowing my intimate relations with Reg.”

“That’s different. You two are in love.”

“Is there potential for that with your budding relation with this Mr. …?”

“Get climbing, Captain Brown Noser.”

Conrad felt his lips stretch into a tight, amused smile. He obeyed, determined to get the mission over with so they could go home early.

He was a ways up when a nut he was setting didn’t take. Weathered rock chipped away. It was too soft. He sidestepped to see if the nuts would hold better there.

They did. But only barely.

“This is unsettling.” He said it to himself and looked up. The guide was carrying on. Several chips of rock fell onto Conrad and he sidestepped back to his original place.

“Hey!” He called up and the guide looked down at him, “The surface is compromising us. We need to exercise extreme caution or find an alternate route.”

From below, he heard Mason’s voice. It was diluted by distance.

“What’s going on?”

He craned around to somewhat face her and spoke loud, “The cliff face is too soft. It is crumbling.”

“Are you coming back down?” As she said it Conrad flinched from several small sheeted layers of rock that broke over his shoulders. He heard an unsettling cracking and felt the vibrations of deep structural changes happening. This was no longer in the realm of safe.

“That is advised.” He turned around and made a waving motion to the guide signaling for him to begin descending.

“What?” The guide called down, “This is normal. These structures are ancient. Just a little dead skin to cut through to get to the tough stuff.”

Conrad watched him reach for his pick.

“What are you doing?”

The pick struck the rock and a blast of shards exploded from the surface and whirled down. Conrad shielded his face from the debris and yelled.

“Are you  _ mad _ ?”

The pick struck again. Conrad yelled for him to stop as he was showered with dust and shattered rock. He coughed and began descending the cliff as quickly as possible while still maintaining safety. He heard Mason yell something to the guide but her voice rose louder mid sentence and she screamed his name.

He looked up, having heard Mason despite the crack  _ crack CRACK  _ splitting the air. His eyes broadened and his heart jumped in his chest. Just beneath the guide’s feet a large sheet of rock began sliding free.

First the smaller pieces, fit in and around the sheet like intricate jigsaw pieces, broke and fell. There were solid clunks and quieter plinks as platters and pebbles clattered around him on their way past. Some splintered and threw dust into his face and he fought against inhaling it but there was no way to avoid all of it. He coughed again, feeling half choked. The surface was coming apart and Conrad was in it’s path.

Seeing the slab begin descending ever faster as it struggled closer to free falling, Conrad found himself thinking about Reg. About all the fear and worry he’d calmed in the days leading up to his departure. Then there was the months before of the same pattern. The memoires echoed in his mind. He thought about the reassuring words he’d whispered to Reg telling him these expeditions put him at little risk. About how he would be safe on his assignment for his sake. Because he loved him. Because he was loved.

Now it all seemed like a lie bludgeoning his conscience. He couldn’t die like this. He couldn’t. He loved Reg too much to run away with death and abandon him when there were so many more years ahead.

The facade of the cliff was soft. Vulnerable and crumbling. This much they knew and Conrad looked up once again and saw the guide was more than aware his actions had been unwise. He watched him scramble to set more nuts in place.

For Conrad, there was no use in setting anchors. He had to move aside. His eyes searched from one side to the other. To his right was a small ledge. If he could reach it he may be able to weather the partial collapse. But he needed more slack from above. 

Calling on all his strength he grabbed the cable with both hands and planted his feet. He pulled, yelling, and felt several nuts pull free. Semi relaxing, he utilized what was now free swinging cable and side-stepped along the face of the rock. He reached one arm toward the nearest corner of the ledge. It wasn’t enough. He needed to free one more anchor point. His teeth grit, the rock above creaking and popping and a waterfall of gravel showering into the trees. He strained harder and felt the next nut begin to give way. A little farther. He needed half a hand’s length. That was all.

Mason yelled again. Her voice rang out in a mortified cry. Something was wrong.

It became very apparent to Conrad what was wrong in the next second. His stomach flipped as gravity took hold of him. There was no longer any support given to his harness.

He was falling, the ledge fleeing from his outstretched hand, and a sense of dread overtook him. The air around him rushed against his ears. His blood, roaring in his head, combated the external noises. Mason’s yelling sounded far away. As though her voice had been run through several filters or a dampener. His focus acute, time seemed to slow down.

There was a sound like a rising revv. It was the cable generating friction as it raced through his carabiner like a siren wailing of danger. When the sound stopped Conrad saw the end of the cable, cut cleanly, lash away as he descended. That was his last hope of stopping his fall. Now there was no safety net to catch him.

He twisted, knowing the thick canopy of trees was beneath them, and turned in time to face the thousands of branches and leaves that swallowed him. The wind in and around his ears was no longer the dominant sound. Now he was in a blender of snapping and scratching. The outstretched limbs were not strong enough to cradle his weight or combat his momentum. He felt himself turned and rerouted as he descended. His head struck a heftier limb, disorienting him further, the moment before his back connected with a thicker branch. A grunt ripped from him as air was forced from his lungs. The branch snapped, the sound loud, and the collision reverberated pain from his back out through his arms.

While it momentarily slowed him the impact did little to save him. He wondered if he were doomed to fall through this maze of scratching leaves and twigs for eternity.

Just as his mind considered it he broke through in a flurry of fractured branches and tattered leaves. He was still twisting.

The ground revealed itself the instant before he connected with it.

All the air in his lungs, what little remained, fled him. There were multiple sounds following. Dull cracks from his middle. A blossoming pain.

Those were his ribs. Cracking or breaking. He wasn’t sure. The initial shock was too great; he needed air first and foremost.

The rest of the world seemed silent as his mind turned inward to assess the damage. The wind was knocked from him. It was a matter of time, agonizing as it was, before he’d be able to draw breath. He’d wait. He’d calm himself.

There was a sharpness in his wrist. It was beneath his lower ribs; he’d fallen on it. The rest of him was a stinging compilation of minor lacerations and bruises. The combined efforts of these sources of pain left him incapable of moving without discomfort and so he remained still for long moments.

There was a dampness on his face. He tasted iron.

In the distance he heard the crash and crumble of rock as it settled against the ground. That could have been him beneath that, he noted.

In the last fiery seconds before his lungs permitted him to inhale he heard Mason calling his name.

Mason ran, her heart banging harder and harder, toward Conrad’s projected path of descent. She saw his body lying facedown on the ground like a crumpled doll. Fear seized her and her mind chanted a plea for him not to be dead. But he was so still. So unmoving and without any signs of life she already felt a rising sickness in her throat.

But a sliver of relief came when she saw him shift. She watched him get an arm under himself and begin to raise his upper body. From the corner of his mouth drooled a string of blood. He was shaking enough it was evident with a mere glance. His right arm was held, bent, close to his body, and already she knew something was broken. He looked shaken and battered and his legs weren’t moving.

A thick covering of leaves and grass kicked up around her feet as she slowed to a stop. Her camera dropped, forgotten, to the ground as she fell to her knees beside him. She wanted to hold his shoulders and help him up but she was afraid to touch him.

“Where are you hurt? James? Can you hear me?”

Stiffly he nodded once. There was a nasty cut along his face and a deep split at the corner of his mouth that was bleeding freely. She pulled a handkerchief from her back pocket and pressed it to the edge of his mouth.

“Where is the worst pain?”

He drew a slow, careful breath and wheezed his answer, “ _ My ribs _ .”

“Can you stand? Are your legs injured?”

He wasn’t entirely sure. His knees hurt but they did bend when he commanded them. He could have complained about the substantial pain along his shins but what good was it? All of him hurt at this point.

He coughed and the force of it projected a spatter of blood that sprayed the handkerchief and Mason’s hand and forearm. He felt bad but she never flinched. The motion was a bludgeon to his ribcage and he wilted.

“James you need to stand if you can. I can’t carry you and we need to get you medical attention.”

He thought about the radio they had at camp. It was half a mile away and he didn’t feel like taking a single step.

With Mason’s help he did manage to stand and orient his feet. Perhaps his feet were the one area of his body that hadn’t sustained injuries. His ankle-high boots had protected them and they were doing well compared to every other part of him.

“I know your arm hurts but can you hold this here? As much pressure as you can bear.”

Conrad took the bloodied handkerchief and did so, applying force to the corner of his mouth that was still drizzling blood. His wrist spread a spiking discomfort up his arm but he took the pain.

They set off, slow at first to allow him to get his stride, and Mason urged him along. What was his good arm, his left arm, he folded and held Mason’s shoulder for support. Her thin arm held him about the waist and gripped his belt. She had removed the harness, freeing him somewhat, and when they were nearly back to camp their guide caught up to them.

At that point Conrad felt hazy and weak. Mason was yelling at the guide but her voice seemed fuzzy and out of focus with his ears. He could discern the venom in her tone and soon the man went on ahead.

Conrad was sweating profusely and heard his breathing now. He was panting and the stress it caused his ribs was wearing his tolerance thinner. There was a growing blackness around the corners of his vision. He was tired and the darkness was welcoming. But he was still standing and fought it back. He feared falling, injured as he was, and didn’t want to shatter what remained of his ribs.

He smelled camp and heard the bustling of the rest of their crew. A radio crackled and voices bounced back and forth. There was a cot in front of him now and Mason was turning him and two more pairs of hands were assisting him onto it.

He gladly let them cradle him until he was on his back.

The blackness was expanding now, about to overtake him. His eyes closed and in his mind he saw an image of Reg in the backseat of a rental car laughing. He heard the echo of his own voice ask why he was laughing and was told it was his naked run in the rain to rescue food from the thunderstorm that was so funny. Then they kissed. He remembered that particular kiss for its pliant nature. A testament to how satisfied, open, and honest they were. Maybe that was the moment he had fallen in love with Reg. Or maybe it wasn’t so much a moment but a series of them.

“Stay with us, James.” Mason’s voice in his ear was calming, “James? Can you stay awake?”

He could not.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

8.7.2017


	6. Part VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaysus Crispy I’ve written a heckin’ novel, haven’t I? My life has been so crazy busy lately I’m sorry it’s taken like… two months for this update to arrive. My bad. Onward.

 

Part VI

 

Mason felt dried up. She had been crying. Half out of fear for Conrad’s life, and half out of concern for Slivko if Conrad didn’t make it.

She worried about internal bleeding but the doctors had stabilized Conrad and after surgery reported nothing of the sort.

It was incredible the injuries weren’t more severe. His ribs had cracked in a dozen different places but didn’t snap into pieces. He would be tender for months to come but was extremely lucky to have fallen on a thick bedding of leaves. His wrist, broken and wrapped after minor surgery, had no cast as of yet. They would wait and examine his progress.

Bloodloss and his head injury had led to loss of consciousness. Earlier he’d roused for less than ten minutes and was cleared of any lasting head trauma. No concussion. Incredible, she thought.

They attempted to keep him awake but Conrad, with an air of stubbornness, returned to sleep. There was nothing they did that brought him around before he was ready.

Mason flicked her eyes over the dozens, maybe hundreds, of cuts, scrapes, and bruises littering his body. He was a collection of abuse and looked like he’d walked through a barrage of razor blades. The cut at the corner of his mouth was stitched shut and the bruising made him look like a brawler after a final match.

It had been eleven hours since he’d been admitted. Mason hadn’t slept despite the staff urging her to do so. She saw the heart monitor blip, suggesting activity, and reached out to hold Conrad’s good hand.

Conrad’s fingers closed around hers and his head tilted in her direction. Blue eyes lacked the luster of health and instead were dull and drained. He seemed confused.

“Hey.” She scooted closer, “How are you feeling?”

“Where am I?” His voice was rough, his throat dry.

“Hospital in India. You suffered quite a fall but they’re saying you’ll be alright.”

Conrad drew a careful breath, feeling the sensitivity of his middle, and recalled his most recent memories.

That’s right. He’d fallen into trees. Then blackness.

“How far did I fall?”

Mason squeezed his hand gently, “About 9 meters.”

Conrad’s eyes closed and his brow creased, “I do not recommend it.” He looked around, seeming to have more clarity than reasonable, and reached up and clicked the button that administered morphine.

“He cut the cable.” She said.

Conrad looked at her, his face unreadable. Mason looked both furious and anguished. And exhausted. Had she been here his entire stay? He squeezed her hand.

“He cut the fucking cable and you fell. I watched it happen. I was… I was so terrified you were dead.” She covered her mouth and closed her eyes. No tears came but they threatened. Instead she hardened herself and continued.

“I kept thinking about Slivko. About what would happen if you were dead.”

“Why did he cut the cable?”

“He said,” Mason grit her teeth a moment, “he said you were pulling out anchor points and he was afraid, with all the rock you were pulling with, that you were going to further destabilize the cliff and take him with you. So he cut the cable. I was furious. I wanted to choke him.”

If he’d been in his right state of being he may have shared in that anger. But his emotions and energy were worn to the core. A thought occurred to him.

“Did your camera make it?”

She half laughed, half sobbed at him, “The camera? It’s completely wrecked.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s a  _ camera _ , James. It doesn’t matter. It’s replaceable. You’re not.”

His brow knit and he shifted, “I’m still sorry. It was a beautiful camera. Do you know how long I am to stay here?”

She was uncertain if Conrad was as cognizant as he seemed or if he were somehow compensating.

“Not much longer. Monarch wants you home. In a hospital in Washington. As soon as possible.”

As soon as possible was roughly twenty-four hours after their conversation. He was discharged by the surgeon who had seen to his wrist and was well enough to be taken home, with a medical escort. They had him loaded into a wheelchair and out the door with little fuss.

Conrad was awake enough to say goodbye to Mason on the concrete of a runway. She held his good hand as they were bringing the plane around.

“Thank you, Mason.”

“Yeah, well, thanks for not being dead. I’ll see you back in Washington in a few days.”

“You’re not coming with now?”

“No. I’m under orders to get those photos taken. But don’t worry. Monarch is sending an entire crew and we’re going in by helicopter this time. From the top down instead of bottom up. Shouldn’t take long once they’re here.”

“All the same, be very careful.”

“I will.”

“And get some sleep.” He felt useless only being able to squeeze her hand in reassurance. When she leaned over and kissed his temple it eased his conscience.

“You say hello to that boy of yours for me.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Brooks was the first familiar face he saw when admitted to a hospital in Washington.

“Report says they gave you two units of blood and later a third when you were awake because you looked ‘ghostly’. You’re one hell of a guy, Captain.” Brooks slapped a medical report on the side table and sat beside his bed, “I talked personally with the doctors in India who cared for you. They say you were lucky to have landed on leaves and brush over grassy ground. Had the surface been hard we both know you’d be plated and screwed together right now.”

“If I were even alive.”

Brooks smiled at him, “But you sound really good. It’s great to hear.”

“When am I projected to be discharged?”

“Slow down. We’re going to get you a thorough check-up. After that, it’s whatever the doctor says.”

“Has Reg been informed of anything?”

“Ahh, no. As far as he knows, you’re still overseas.”

Conrad looked at him. His expression would have been blank if not for his eyes. Behind the blue Brooks was able to perceive the unimpressed agitation. It was contained neatly into Conrad’s unshakable disposition but nevertheless it existed and robbed Brooks of his lighthearted demeanor.

“I imagine he will not be pleased for having been left in the dark.”

“Sorry.” Brooks was sincere, “It’s something we didn’t have protocol for. Only spouses or family have right to notification in such cases. Boyfriends and girlfriends sorta fall into the gray area, if you know what I mean.”

Conrad sighed and closed his eyes, “Do you remember the first letter Slivko wrote me? When I was in Africa?”

Brooks shifted, looking awkward, “It’s hard to forget.”

“What was he like when you told him no the first several times?”

“He was upset.”

“He kept coming back.”

“Yeah. He kept asking. Wore me down. I broke protocol for him.”

“Even after the fact he didn’t have pretty words for you.”

“No.”

“You say upset but was he  _ angry  _ when you kept refusing day after day?”

“Very.”

Here Conrad looked at the ceiling and began to smile but the tug at his stitching sobered him.

“Conrad, I know you don’t like this. I know you hate being a part of this when you only signed up for the initial expedition-”

“I didn’t even sign up for that. You lied to me. To us.”

“I wouldn’t say we lied-”

“Withheld the truth. Endangered my life with a lack of information. You deceived.” He turned his eyes on him again, “Do you think we are stupid? Slivko knows what this organization is capable of. He experienced it first hand just as I did. He does not trust you. He does not like you. And I cannot blame him. A part of me shares in his opinions of you. Especially now. He had a right to know of my condition the moment you found out. He is, for all intents and purposes, my life partner and I would like him treated as such.”

There was a pause as his words settled over the room.

“Okay,” Brooks said and his voice was that of a man who surrendered, “I will… draft some paperwork myself and pull some strings. This won’t happen again. You have my word.”

Conrad nodded and turned his attention when a doctor knocked on the door and stepped in.

“James Conrad?”

He was examined and asked questions and given the best news he’d had all week.

“Mr. Conrad, I’m afraid there isn’t much else we can do for you here. Rest and healing is what you need most and you can do that well enough at home as here. Be sure to clean your wounds daily to prevent infection and call if you feel there are any complications. I’m prescribing you pain killers. Take them as needed only. If your pain levels are low you should be able to get by on over the counter medicine. However, for the next week at least you will most likely find the prescription is necessary. Do you have any questions?”

“Just one.” Conrad looked at his watch, “Where is the nearest phone?”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad was glad his legs were weight-bearing. His knees and shins were stiff and sore but they held him. He leaned against the wall beside the payphone and let it ring. The hospital staff offered him an office phone but the lack of privacy was not appealing. Brooks had taken him down to the parking garage and left him alone with the excuse of driving the car up.

He wondered if Reg were out but midway through the next ring it picked up.

“ _ Hello? _ ”

Conrad smiled, small and fond, “Hello, darling.”

“ _ James _ !” Reg’s smile was in his voice, “ _ Are you back? _ ”

“Yes.”

“ _ You sound exhausted. Please tell me you’re coming home soon and not being sent away immediately again _ .”

“I’ll be home very soon. But I wanted to tell you there was an accident on the assignment and I’ve spent a few days in hospital.”

“ _ What? Are you alright? _ ”

“I will be. My ribs are cracked rather badly and I want you to be prepared when you see me. I’m covered in bruises and cuts. I have a few stitches. And a broken wrist.”

“ _ Oh my god. What happened? _ ”

“I fell 9 meters rock climbing.”

He heard Reg whisper, “ _ Jesus _ .”

“I have an escort and it leaves as soon as I’m done on the phone. I cannot wait any longer to see you, darling.”

“ _ I’ll wait downstairs for you _ .”

He knew by the tiny sniffle Reg was already crying.

“I’ll see you very soon.”

“ _ Be safe _ .  _ I love you _ .”

The drive was slow. Brooks took every turn easy and each stop or go was smooth and without much jarring. Conrad wanted to tell him he wasn’t made of wet paper but couldn’t find the energy. He sighed and let his head fall back on the seat.

When they arrived he reached across himself and opened the door and stood using the car for support. He spotted Reg jogging across the courtyard. It was so good to see the sight made him weak. But it was a weakness he welcomed and allowed to remind him of his fondness and longing.

Reg’s face had that desperate sort of plea to it. The one he always wore when worried. It was an expression Conrad wished he could ease but knew so long as Monarch called the shots it was unlikely the look would retire anytime soon.

Reg stopped short of barreling into him and his hands were raised in a careful, hesitant sort of search for where and how he was to touch. But they moved a second later and were careful, so careful, against his sides and up around his back it was as though Reg thought he were made of the thinnest glass.

Conrad welcomed him, arm free of his sling for the time being, and they held each other. A small sound like a hushed, desperate sob emerged from Reg.

“I’m alright.” Conrad whispered, carding the fingers of his good hand through Reg’s messy hair.

“You’re  _ not _ .” Reg looked up at him, his eyes glassy and written over in worry. He noted every scratch, every cut, every stitch on Conrad’s face. The bruising was a mottled purple-blue-black-brown. Reg’s eyes shut and tears escaped.

“Why didn’t they tell me?”

“There was no protocol.”

Reg sniffed, holding together but his voice unsteady with distress and anger, “There should be.”

He bowed his head and carefully placed his ear over Conrad’s chest to hear the beat of his heart. A quiet sob escaped and Conrad’s voice rose to sooth him.

“ _ Oh Darling _ . Darling, darling,  _ darling _ . I am so sorry.” He rubbed his hand the length of Reg’s back and bent to press his mouth in a motionless kiss to the top of his head.

From the driver’s seat, Brooks swallowed. He could see Reg’s hands splayed across the back of Conrad’s ribs. They were shaking but gentle as though he were afraid to touch Conrad but also unable to deny his desire to hold him.

He heard Reg inhale, a shudder-like sound, and Conrad was soothing him again.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

It was in the early hours of the night Conrad woke and wheezed. His painkillers had long since worn off and his bladder felt near to burst. A glance at the bedside clock informed him he’d been asleep for nearly ten hours.

He looked to his side and there was Reg beside him. They were close but not touching and if he weren’t in such discomfort and had his normal range of motion he could have leaned over and kissed his forehead. The way his hair was a tumbled disaster and pushed back from his forehead made Conrad smile around his pain.

He sobered the next moment, aware Reg wasn’t touching him because he was afraid to. Afraid he’d hurt him.

That was food for thought but it had to wait until he was medicated and relieved of the pressure in his bladder. He struggled to sit upright, his injuries feeling raw in his exhausted and groggy state. He hissed as his ribs protested and the sound, though soft, woke Reg.

“James.” Reg was sitting up, making it look as easy as it should have been. He reached out to assist.

“I didn’t mean to wake you, love.”

“No, it’s… fine. You should. What do you need?” Reg looked at the clock and knew.

“The bathroom.” Conrad exhaled as they eased him upright and he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Reg was up and around the bed at his side without delay. He helped him to his feet.

“Thank you. I’m alright now.”

Reg disappeared from the room and Conrad shut himself in the bathroom and proceeded to have the longest piss of his life. He washed and when he returned to his side of the bed, the entire stretch of his back notifying him that movement was pain, Reg stepped through the door holding a glass of water and something in his other hand Conrad assumed was pain medication.

“I should have set an alarm to get you more before this happened.”

Conrad made to protest, to absolve him of blame, but Reg cut him off by way of pushing the horse pill into his mouth. He didn’t miss the twitch at the corner of Reg’s mouth that was an amused and pleased-with-himself aborted smirk. Reality set in before it fully developed and Reg was handing him the glass of water.

Conrad took a long swallow, downing the pill, and then near drained the glass.

“Do you need anything else?” Reg set the glass aside for him.

“Just your company.” Conrad traced his fingertips along the vertical seam of Reg’s pajama pants.

“You sure? You’ve been sleeping a long time. Are you hungry?”

“Maybe after awhile.”

There was too much pain to attempt eating. He drew a careful breath and guided Reg between his legs to kiss the hollow of his stomach. He felt the stiff pull of stitches at the corner of his mouth and relaxed into a pressureless lean. He inhaled again, gathering the scent of Reg’s skin and knew he had showered before coming to bed.

“Were you asleep long?”

“Mm,” Reg caressed his jaw on either side, “maybe a couple hours. You didn’t stir at all when I got into bed. I was trying to be quiet but I kinda tripped. After that, when you didn’t budge, I figured I was fine to just crawl in however.”

Conrad smiled, keeping it controlled to avoid straining the already testy stitches, and rumbled a chuckle. It rose from deep in his chest and he wrapped his good arm around Reg. His nose and stubble pressed to Reg’s belly must have tickled because the skin and muscle there trembled.

“We need to get you more sleep. Will you lie with me?”

Reg did, curling in beside but not touching him.

“You can come closer, darling. It’s alright.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” Conrad lifted his left arm and urged Reg closer and closer until he was formed lightly to his side. Reg let his arm wrap over Conrad but avoided his usual path of draping the limb across his ribs or chest and instead let it rest, bent, across his stomach. His head used the unbruised cushion of Conrad’s shoulder and he sighed as though a pressure had been released.

“Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect.” Conrad squeeze him one-armed and let his other sit as it was, bound to the sling. It caused minor pain in his ribs but he could weather it until the pain medication began to work. The pain in his wrist, sharp and harsh, was a bad sign. He would have to call in come morning and surrender to having it put in a cast. It wouldn’t heal properly without, he now knew.

But for now, he focused on the weight beside him. On Reg’s breathing and the warmth of him. On how happy it made him to hold someone. And he felt the pang of guilt inside himself but quashed it.

Not now.

_ Not now _ .

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The second night Conrad woke and didn’t know why. His pain was minimal and his bladder wasn’t begging for relief. A glance at the clock revealed it was almost two in the morning. His eyes flicked to his side and immediately upward when he realized Reg was sitting.

Reg’s arms were wrapped around his knees that were bent to his chest. He was staring into the darkness of the room in silence. This was not something that had ever happened. If Reg were conscious at night it was due to terrors and he was never calm. He was motionless and appeared lost in thought. The situation, unfamiliar, was nagging Conrad but the glint of something on Reg’s cheeks grounded him.

Reg had been crying. The tears were still wet on his face. That was familiar. And upsetting.

“Reg.” He spoke soft to prevent startling him.

Reg looked down at him, his brow creased.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Reg wiped his face with the back of a hand and sniffed, “I’m okay.”

Conrad shifted and began pushing himself up with his left arm.

“Oh James don’t move. Please don’t move.” Reg leaned over him, “I’ll come to you.”

He settled and tried to catch and hold Reg’s gaze but couldn’t. Reg wouldn’t look at him but instead furrowed his brow and shut his eyes as though pained.

“You’ve been crying.” His good arm served him well since his accident. No soreness remained in it from his fall despite how fresh his other injuries still were. He touched Reg’s side in attempt to be supportive. To hold him in some way since he was to remain reclined.

Reg nodded, as though he didn’t want to admit to it. He lowered until there was barely an inch between their chests and his forearms braced on either side of Conrad to ensure he had no need to move.

“It was just… a bad dream.”

Conrad turned his head and kissed his cheek. The purse of his lips stressed his stitches. He didn’t care.

“About the island?”

Reg shook his head. His fingertips brushed through Conrad's hair on the side opposite of his gash and split lip. For long moments they said nothing. They breathed and it was a soft remission. Hearing the intake and exhale of Reg’s every breath lulled him. It would have been easy to lapse into sleep to the rhythm but he knew he wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Not when Reg was like this.

“It was about you dying.”

His voice was a whisper. Hard to register but they were so close he wouldn’t have missed it. He stroked through Reg’s hair and leaned their faces together. As he was compiling a response, Reg continued.

“I’ve had dreams about you dying before. Almost all my other nightmares had you and the others in it. Dying. Being killed. Maimed. Eaten. Then I’m chased by those things and right as they’re upon me, or as they’re sinking their teeth into me, I wake up. But this was you dying on assignment. Not being hunted or chased or eaten by-by… by fucking skull crawling whatevers! This was something  _ less dangerous _ .”

Conrad knew what he meant by that. There was danger in everything. Everywhere. It didn’t matter where he was sent. Every assignment was added risk. Jungles could produce diseases, poisons, and predators. Climate could freeze or assist dehydration. An accident could cripple or kill.

So yes. Less dangerous than an uncharted island of unknowns, but still greatly increased risk over their lives stateside.

“You should wake me when you have these dreams. I want to be here for you.”

“You are.” Reg sniffed and the tackiness of his drying tears made their skin stick.

Conrad sighed, “There have been too many times when I haven’t been.”

“That’s not your call.” Reg lifted and met his eyes, “When I woke up just seeing you here, alive and breathing, I was able to calm down. I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted you to keep resting. Didn’t want you moving or trying to sit up because I don’t want you putting strain on your ribs.”

“Darling the pain doesn’t matter to me.”

Reg displayed a bittersweet smile dipped in fondness, “It does to me. Admit you’d do the same if this was reversed.”

He had him there. Conrad felt the tug of his lips as he smiled.

“See?” Reg kissed the unmarred side of his mouth, “We’re kinda tangled up.”

“How bad is it?”

Reg huffed a laugh, “Worse than the Gordian Knot.”

Conrad smiled at that and felt a sharp pain at the edge of his lips.

“ _ Babe _ , you just tore a stitch a little. Stop smiling.”

“I can’t.” He chuckled. No regrets as Reg pushed their foreheads together and they kept smiling.

Conrad’s fingers scrunched the thick hair at the nape of Reg’s neck and his cheek was kissed before they separated and a medical cloth was retrieved to pat away the blood rising from his stitches.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad had lifted the primary upset from the night before but an unresolved issue still hung between them. He wasn’t sure how to broach it. He spent most of his waking hours that day turning his thoughts over like a double sided map of the city whose halves he wasn’t able to reconcile.

It was that night he woke again. This time the clock showed it was nearing three in the morning. He turned his head and was less surprised to find Reg sitting again. The way his knees were pulled to his chest made Conrad yearn to hold him. But he remembered why Reg hadn’t woken him the night before.

So he reached out and brushed his knuckles along Reg’s side. The silent gesture brought Reg out of his thoughts and their eyes met. His face was wetter this time and his eyes were red.

“Was I making noise?”

Conrad shook his head. He lifted his hand a little keeping his palm open. It was an invitation and Reg accepted. Their hands slipped together and their fingers interlocked.

Reg lifted and kissed the back of his hand, “So now you just wake up when I’m like this?”

“Mh. I’m glad but I’d be moreso if I weren’t late.” He watched Reg press his cheek to the place he’d just kissed. In a moment there was a warm wetness. Fresh tears. He squeezed Reg’s hand.

“I’m so sorry for this.”

“No.” Reg’s voice was half choked around a sob but he steadied himself, “I don’t want you to apologize anymore. I don’t want to hear it. Because this isn’t your fault. It wasn’t your choice.”

Conrad’s heart ached as he watched Reg cradle their clasped hands to his chest. The way his thin body bowed in and curled around their hands broke him a little. He wanted to hold him. To kiss him. To pull him against his body for comfort. But it wasn’t what Reg wanted right now. Or rather it was, but he wouldn’t allow it. Not when Conrad was fractured in a dozen or more places.

That reignited a simmering bitterness in him directed at Monarch. A better local guide, one smarter and wiser than the man who cut his cable, meant he could have been intact. And Reg would not have these nightmares now. Would not have been scolding him about apologizing.

“I love you, James.” Reg whispered.

The words shattered Conrad’s anger and bitterness and brought him careening back to the present moment. He squeezed his hand again.

“I love you, too, darling.”

Reg drew a shaky breath, “I’m just so mad at them. I’m mad at Monarch and I’m mad at Brooks. At all of them.”

Tears dropped onto their joined hands and Reg sniffed.

“James, I don’t want to  _ lose _ you. I’m terrified of the possibility. And what has Monarch done since your accident? Nothing to prevent this from happening again. They’ve been silent. Do they even care?”

Conrad didn’t know.

“I’m going into Monarch tomorrow to see Brooks.”

Hearing that made Conrad worried.

“Because this can’t continue. They have to be held accountable. They have to understand they need to take your safety seriously. They need to acknowledge their lack of vetting their contracts led to this.”

Conrad closed his eyes, “Is there anything I can do to dissuade you?”

“I’m sure there is, but I don’t want you to.”

“Brooks may not have the pull to initiate change.”

“Someone does. And Brooks knows who. He can figure it out.”

Reg set his palm over Conrad’s ribs. The pressure was almost nonexistent he was so gentle.

“ _ James _ .” Reg’s pleading whisper urged Conrad to open his eyes and meet his gaze. He saw the worry in his every feature and felt terrible.

“If I don’t at least try and something happens to you - if you die on assignment -I don’t think I could live with myself. So I have to try. I have to at least try.”

Conrad knew he couldn’t stop him. He would have done the same for him. He shut his eyes again and breathed a silent sigh.

“I understand.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Home after his visit to Monarch Reg found Conrad asleep on their bed. This was not unusual as of late. Conrad often napped before dinner.

He would have started cooking but he was drained. Fatigued and without motivation he stripped until he was wearing only his boxer briefs and climbed into bed alongside Conrad. Sleep wasn’t his goal. All he wanted was to feel Conrad beside him. Hear him breathing. See him peaceful and without pain.

Somehow it made him cry. He was happy Conrad was home. Glad he was safe. But anxiety bubbled up inside his chest and overflowed. He sobbed, covering his mouth, and rolled onto his back. His vision blurred the ceiling and he surrendered and closed his eyes. Against his mouth his hand was shaking and he pressed it harder to his skin as though to will it still.

More tears seared his skin and he sat up, feeling almost nauseous, and held himself. He breathed, counting the seconds, and when he was no longer a moment from breaking into hard sobs he drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them.

It was a long time before he felt stable. He sniffed and looked at Conrad again. The sight of him, silent and strong and magnificent, sent a weakening shudder through him.

“You could have died.” He whispered.

Conrad stirred, his brow furrowing. Reg started and began wiping his tears.

“Darling?”

“Hey,” Reg smiled, “how are you feeling?”

Conrad eyed him, gaze flicking from his eyes to his mouth and back. There was a long pause he knew was Conrad crawling into greater awareness as the shade of sleep receded.

“Worried.”

Reg set a hand on Conrad’s shoulder and stroked the muscle with his thumb.

“Did you speak with Brooks?”

“Kinda.” Reg faced forward and wrapped his arms around his knees and stared at the wall, “Sort of spoke to an entire room of people.”

“Oh?”

“Probably not how anyone would assume. I kinda… barged in because Brooks was avoiding me.”

“Avoiding you?”

“Yeah. He kept bouncing from one task to another or from one meeting room to another. Wouldn’t really acknowledge anything I said.”

Conrad smiled, “He’s afraid of you.”

Reg snorted.

“What did you say when you interrupted them?”

“Mostly I yelled at Brooks. For not answering my questions. For avoiding me. He looked really embarrassed. Then I tore into him about your safety and I just…” He stopped here and rubbed his face with one hand. His features contorted into an expression of awkwardness and he let his hand drop and his head hang.

“James I interrupted a board meeting and read Brooks a riot act. What was I thinking?”

Conrad touched his side and Reg took his hand, needing the support.

“You weren’t thinking you were feeling. Sometimes that’s what is needed to move things forward.”

“I may have moved things backwards after that stunt.” He felt his tears threaten again and he squeezed Conrad’s hands as they gathered at the corners of his eyes and fell.

“I don’t think things have regressed. If anything, Brooks is aware of the degree of your upset and he already knew of mine. It’s a start and I’ll admit at first I didn’t want you to go. But I’m glad you did.”

Reg gathered himself, “Really?”

“Really.” Conrad pulled his hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles, “I’m proud of you. Not everyone could interrupt a meeting just to read one person a riot act.”

Reg laughed as more tears escaped, his smile wide.

“I just wish I could have seen it.”

Reg shook his head, “I made an idiot of myself. I yelled the entire way out. With, you know, security escorting me.”

“They called security?”

“I was pretty bent out of shape so I can’t blame them. Wish I could say I walked out with dignity but they had to half drag me.”

The rumble of Conrad’s laugh made Reg smile again. He felt fondness grow in his chest and he settled on his side facing him. A sigh escaped him and he relaxed. He bent in and kissed Conrad’s shoulder.

“Are you hungry?”

“Is it breakfast already?”

“It’s 7pm.” Reg smiled.

“Ah.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The following days became progressively easier for Conrad. Reg was less afraid to touch him and his cuts were attended to like it were a strict religious requirement. By the end of the first week he was looking halfway normal.

Reg drove him in every other day to be seen by the doctor Monarch employed on site. Earlier in the week his wrist had been given a cast. Conrad accepted it but didn’t like it.

Aside from Reg doting on him and regular trips for checkups, Conrad didn’t do much more than eat, sleep, and read. He was tired and his appetite was out of control. A healing body, the doctor had told him, required significantly more calories. Especially when broken bones were involved.

Regina brought prepared food over every now and again and sometimes stayed for several hours while Reg was at work during the day. They had a conversation one day that informed him Regina would soon be visiting her mother in Michigan. Conrad asked she say hello for him. When he was healed and more like himself he hoped to visit.

The stitches at his mouth came out midway through week two. His healing was going well but his ribs were giving trouble.

“What have you been doing?” The doctor asked.

“Sleeping. Eating. Reading.”

“Have you been lifting anything?”

“No. I assure you I have been barred from lifting anything heavier than a paperback.” Conrad thought back to Reg scolding him when he’d lifted a gallon jug of milk the second day he’d been home. It had been relieved of his hold within seconds.

So his ribs were behind schedule. He wasn’t sure what to make of that. The rest of him was ahead of the curve so he supposed he could accept the one setback.

Still, his ribs felt far better than they had a week prior.

Reg was at work when he was dismissed and he didn’t want to bother him so Monarch provided an escort home. After a shower he fell asleep wearing only his favorite pajama bottoms and woke to the sounds of dishes in the sink.

After a brief trip to the bathroom to make himself feel halfway human, Conrad padded into the kitchen where Reg was rinsing a pot. He walked up behind him and touched his hips with the tips of his fingers. His wrist bound to a cast limited his mobility but his fingers were free enough. Reg hummed when he kissed the nape of his neck. The water shut off but he made no motion to move and said nothing. Only a wisp of a sigh, happy, escaped him.

Conrad began dappling his neck in attentive kisses, having missed their normal frequency of intimacy. His fingers slid beneath the cotton of his shirt and he crowded Reg against the counter. The contours of his body called to him and he searched higher until he was barely brushing the raised peaks of his nipples. He rerouted then, descending in smooth, firm drags until he could cup the front of his pants.

Conrad breathed into his ear hot and quiet, “You are very hard, darling.”

Reg was biting his lip, his eyes screwed shut. He bowed his head, one shaky, wet hand stroking the length of Conrad’s forearm while the other braced against the counter. Conrad squeezed him through his pants and he stuttered a bitten off noise. He was already so sensitive.

From there Conrad unraveled him. He touched, direct and firm, and had Reg’s pants slung low around his hips as he worked him in long, casual tugs. A thick, eager drizzle of precum wetted his touch. Normally it wouldn’t have been enough to ease the process but there was plenty now. With Reg horny from so long without his touch a second spillover occurred.

Conrad’s arousal pulsed and his voice was a heated mess as he whispered against Reg’s ear.

“You’re  _ wet _ .” It was something Conrad had never expected to say to a man. Women produced plenty of dampness. Men? Not so much. But it was the appropriate comment, given the way Reg’s hips stuttered and his inhale was choked off.

He sucked gentle at the base of his neck and placed his cast across Reg’s chest to hold him steady. But the hitch of Reg’s breathing and the forward roll of his hips was a testament to his desperation and inability to be stilled. Conrad didn’t mind the jerky, needy motions. He bit mercifully at Reg’s skin and began working him harder, faster, and his mind was going hazy with the noises that were nothing if not sounds of sex.

Conrad’s own desires were coiling in his stomach. Reg was so beautiful. He could hear him breathing hard, panting, and then a long, needy  _ moan _ flooded out of Reg and Conrad wanted to hear him finish.

“ _ James _ .” It sounded both a desperate plea and an attempt at scolding him.

“I wish you could see yourself, love. When you’re like this,” he kissed his cheek, “you’re irresistible.”

“I’m-” Reg shuddered, “I-I’m going to…”

Conrad growled low into his ear, “Darling I’d swallow you whole if I could.”

And that was Reg biting off a gasp and coming. His voice broke free of it’s paralysis and he moaned as he dirtied his shirt and spilled over and between Conrad’s fingers and knuckles.

Reg turned his head and Conrad kissed him through his dissipating orgasm, languid and affectionate. The bone-weary sounds Reg made in the aftermath were beckoning and Conrad obliged him. He held him, tugged him tight to his body, and kissed him until the last of Reg’s lingering pleasure faded.

When they parted Reg’s eyes were heavy.

“Your stitches are out.”

“Mmm.”

They kissed again and Reg was a little bolder. He was still short of breath, still not over the violent satisfaction of an overdue orgasm, but he was moving nonetheless.

Conrad backed up at Reg’s insistence. They were facing each other now and Reg was guiding him until he was leaning against the island counter. In one easy motion Reg slipped out of his shirt and then his pants were gone, too. The shirt he used to wipe his stomach clean and with a smile he did the same to Conrad’s filthy hand.

Reg moved in close, amusement barely contained, and murmured, “That was a lot.”

Conrad smiled, a thin press of lips to show he was also dampening his humor some.

“That looks really good.” Reg kissed the corner of Conrad’s mouth where the stitching had been, “How does it feel? Does it hurt at all?”

“No pain. It feels good.”

“Yeah?” Reg was pressing the waistband of Conrad’s pants lower, “Can I make you feel even better?”

“Darling it’s been hours since I showered.”

“I don’t care. You’re always so clean anyway.”

And the hushed whisper of Reg’s voice, husky from a good orgasm, was what did him in. He couldn’t say no to a voice like that, even if he should have for the sake of his ribs. Not when he was so hard.

Reg was a step ahead of him. Now stripped, Conrad watched as Reg went to his knees.

There was no delay; Reg moved forward and Conrad’s skin broke out in goosebumps. He performed a controlled inhale despite the spike of pleasure instigated by the wet heat of Reg’s mouth. He was already close to coming apart.

Reg moaned around him and Conrad didn’t miss the hollowing of his cheeks. Reg’s barely open eyes were shielded by his lashes and the stretch of his mouth was a sight sinful in and of itself.

Very little was required to bring him to the brink. He touched Reg’s shoulder and drew a steadying breath.

“I’m close.”

Reg’s lashes fluttered. It was the only indication that he’d heard as he kept going. His head twisted then, his pressure tightening, and he drew up sharp and then drove forward.

Conrad seized, grunting, and felt his ribs protest at the way his muscles locked up. The pain combined with the racing pleasure of his orgasm created an intense contrast. White burst across his vision and he shuddered as he emptied. His hand, which had no doubt been pressing bruises into Reg’s shoulder, came away to grip the edge of the counter. As though he needed the support to remain upright.

Perhaps he did, he thought as his legs felt like putty and his head swam. He opened his eyes, which had shut at some point since he’d been temporarily blinded anyway, and saw Reg pulling off. He shivered, oversensitized, and observed as Reg swallowed, licked his lips, and swallowed again.

Their eyes met and Reg stood and hummed as his tongue darted out to lap over his lips again.

Conrad grabbed him by the back of his jaw, harder than he intended, and they were kissing rough and desperate as though they were starting instead of finishing. He could taste himself on Reg and found a bead of his own ejaculate at the corner of his mouth and licked it away. They were sloppy and breathy but it didn’t matter.

“ _ Fuck _ .” Conrad swore upon their parting, swallowing, and leaned his forehead against Reg’s.

Reg was still breathing hard but was smiling.

He kissed Reg on the cheek, firm and with an attempt to express how much he loved him because how  _ lucky _ was he?

“Yeah,” Reg said, “me, too.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

As the days passed the worst of Conrad’s cuts finally healed completely. His bruising was entirely gone and he felt more energetic. The scars he was left with were minimal thanks to Reg’s tireless dedication.

“Can you lie back for me?”

Conrad did as asked and reclined. Reg rubbed at his upper chest until the stiffness was eased and then moved outward to his shoulders and arms. These massages had become standard as of late and Conrad felt spoiled.

When Reg was done he pulled him in for a kiss.

“You are more than I deserve. Will you be continuing this treatment in the coming weeks even if I say I am well?”

Reg confirmed, “I wanna make sure you heal as well as possible. I don’t like seeing you like this. It’s not okay.”

Conrad’s watch began beeping.

Reg hummed and got off the bed, “Time for your appointment.”

Conrad rotated his wrist to look at his watch’s display and shut the alarm off.

“I wasn’t aware I had an alarm set.”

Reg winked at him from the doorway, “I set it while you were sleeping.”

Conrad smiled, biting back his fondness, and proceeded to get dressed.

Reg drove him to Monarch and walked him all the way to the on-site clinic before he left.

“Just call when you’re done. I’ll come get you.” They shared a discrete kiss and then Conrad was alone in the waiting room.

He often wondered what he had to wait for when no one else was around. He had only seen a handful of individuals come and go on his frequent visits. It was strange he had to wait ten or twenty minutes before being called up.

“Mr. Conrad?”

He was in and out of his appointment after a brief checkup. Then he was sent for his blood draw the next door down. They made him hang around for a half hour for observation after they’d fed him juice and cookies.

Once he was released he walked across the compound and found Brooks for his other scheduled meeting.

He had to wait near an hour before he was brought into the dark projection room. Brooks waved him to the front and set down a folder for later and they spent some time viewing the slides. They were the images Mason had taken from India.

Conrad wasn’t invested but he listened well enough and helped paint a picture for Brooks of the geographical location from the ground. He told him of the structurally unsound nature of the rock and expressed the dangers. It was unusual and Brooks said they were still waiting on samples of the rock to come back from the lab. He said he’d keep Cornad in the know as to the contents of the sediment.

Conrad didn’t care about rock and soil samples. He didn’t care about any of this. As far as he was concerned he could forget about what he knew regarding these titans.

He wanted to live his life without caring about a resurgence of ancient monsters that may well never appear again in his lifetime. There would always be others, like Brooks and San, willing to plunge their hands and hearts into this research. He was an unwilling and unnecessary participant and he wanted to be let go.

“Hey.” Brooks broke his train of thought, “I just wanted to let you know I pushed through some documentation this week. It took some doing but… here.”

Conrad took the blue folder offered, “What is this?”

“Just take a look. You don’t have to read it all. A lot of it’s just formal jargon.”

Conrad set it on his lap and opened it and saw Monarch’s seal embossed onto the document making it official. He saw the internal order bearing his name. Reg’s name. His brow creased as he skimmed the first page.

“Is this…?”

“Yeah.” Brooks pushed his glasses up, “There was some pushback from a few people as I’m sure you could imagine, but I made a strong case. I insisted. You could say I took a page from Slivko’s book and kept coming back until I wore them down.”

Conrad closed his eyes and sat straighter as he drew a stiff inhale. He used his good hand and rubbed over his face. This was unbelievable. He felt almost faint.

“Just so you know, this is more than what it looks like on the surface.”

“More?” Conrad swallowed and looked at him barely able to breathe, “Because it looks like a marriage certificate.”

“Well, it kinda is. It’s like…” He made a motion with his hand, “like Monarch considers you two married even though you’re technically not. But that’s not all it does. Slivko is your beneficiary in case anything happens to you, sure, but I want you to know it goes beyond that. If something happens to you we don’t just give him a payout. James, we will take care of him. He’ll never have to worry about money or medical care in the event of your absence. And of course if you’re ever injured again we now have legal right to keep him in the know. This is everything marriage guarantees and more.”

Conrad looked at the certificate in his lap and blinked, his eyes feeling damp. He swallowed again and felt like he was shaking. This was monumental to him.

“And James, just so you know, it’s the same for you. When you’re done here, and one day you will be, you’ll receive retirement benefits. It’s in stone. I made sure of it.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg arrived prompt after Conrad called him and he was buckled in with the blue folder on his lap.

“What did the doc say?”

“Little. He updated my records with my progress. Told me to keep doing what I’m doing. And imagine, I was deemed still unfit for travel. Can you believe that?” Conrad smiled and caught the quirk to Reg’s lips. Reg spoke, scanning the parking lot over his shoulder as he backed the car out.

“Damn right you are. Gonna take you home and make you not travel so much you’ll be sick of me.”

“Not possible.”

Reg’s lips widened into a full smile, “Fuck, I love your accent.”

Conrad chuckled, “I have something to tell you when we get home.”

“Bad news?”

“No.”

Reg eyed him but Conrad gave him nothing more.

And when they were home Reg prodded him for an explanation and Conrad showed him the certificate. He explained and watched as the reality came across and Reg’s face showcased the same emotions Conrad had felt when Brooks had told him.

But Reg had tears rolling down his face and could barely speak. Conrad soothed him.

“Are you alright? Is  _ this  _ alright?”

Reg sobbed, “Of course it’s alright. I just can’t believe it.”

He pulled Reg into an easy embrace, one-armed, and sighed when two arms secured around his middle. Reg was still so gentle with him.

“I was so mean to Brooks.”

Conrad smiled, “I think he forgives you.”

“He gave us so much more than I asked for. Why?”

“It doesn’t matter why. It’s protocol now. It’s protocol, darling.”

But Conrad knew why. Brooks had seen their reunion after his fall. He witnessed Reg’s untethered emotions. Heard him cry. Sob. Choke out words around his weeping.

He was certain Reg’s outburst during the meeting helped drive the point home, but ever since he’d seen Reg cry Brooks had been different about their relationship. It had always bothered Conrad before, the way Brooks never seemed to take his bond with Reg seriously.

Now he did.

Now he understood.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad woke every day and looked to his left where Reg was sleeping and told him he loved him.

And when Reg woke for the day and could hear he said it again. It always made Reg smile and Conrad thought there was no better way to wake up than smiling. He appreciated every morning they spent together. Every breakfast Reg made. Every cup of tea brewed. Every kiss they shared before Reg went to work.

Conrad made it a habit to take the public transit to visit Reg during his lunch hour. They spent his break eating and then walking through the park near the shop. Before Reg returned to work they shared a private kiss or two. Maybe more.

And when Reg was home in the afternoons or evenings they spent at least thirty minutes on physical therapy, cleaned, showered together, and made dinner. Occasionally they went out to eat. They invited Mason when she was stateside.

Though the accident was nothing Conrad intended to repeat, he did appreciate the consecutive months it granted him to be home with Reg. He wasn’t able to engage in hiking or camping, but the limitations on his body showed them there were many more activities they enjoyed together.

They went to the cinema almost every Friday and Conrad especially enjoyed the darkness of the theater because he could lean over and kiss Reg without anyone knowing.

Reg’s attention to his healing body had accelerated his recovery. His scars were reminders and sometimes Conrad felt Reg’s fingers tracing them in absent motions as they fell asleep at night.

Their sex life had been altered as a result of his fall. Reg would not allow missionary. Or anything that required much exertion on Conrad’s part. Not until he passed a stress test satisfactorily, which he thought was unfair because he wasn’t due for a stress test until his cast was off and his ribs were deemed healed. He didn’t care about his own needs; he wanted to watch Reg unravel beneath him. He wanted to satisfy him and hear his voice break and make him weak from pleasure.

But Reg found ways around his injuries and Conrad was given more attention than he’d ever dare ask for. Only recently had Reg permitted penetrative sex, and Conrad was under strict orders to remain still on his back or sitting up against the headboard. Reg was in complete control and did all the work. This in turn brought Conrad guilt but it was often quelled by Reg telling him this was the way he wanted it for them. For now. Under the circumstances.

Conrad was permitted kissing and the use of his left hand. They made it work and after a few weeks there was a shift. Their lovemaking was slower, lasted longer, and somehow seemed more intimate.

But tonight they were not making love. Not in the physical sense, at least.

“What’s your favorite thing we do together?” Reg coiled his arms around Conrad’s good arm and set his cheek on his shoulder. They were sitting up in bed, backs to the mound of pillows against the headboard.

“Everything.” Conrad smiled and turned a page in the library book. It was a collection of photographs of Alaska’s wilderness. They planned on going. Someday.

Reg’s little huff was both amused and not impressed with Conrad’s answer.

“You can only pick one thing.”

“Mm. You’ll have to hold me at gunpoint.”

Reg laughed, “Alright, I have an idea. You write one thing down and I’ll do the same. Then we’ll compare.”

Conrad was handed a scrap of paper and a pen. He used the book as a writing surface and scratched his answer down and folded the paper one-handed as Reg scribbled his over on the nightstand. Conrad didn’t hesitate with his answer. There was only one thing they did together he reflected on more than anything else.

“I’ll go first.” Reg faced him, notebook in hand, and turned it to show him, “Kissin’.”

Conrad’s closed smile expanded. The word kissing was large on the page and he thought that was just like Reg. Bold and expressive about his passions. His eyes lowered then and Reg’s gaze followed his where he lifted the top fold of the slip of paper with his thumb to reveal his answer.

Reg saw the small word written in neat print. Kissing. There was a moment he was overcome with almost childlike giddiness. He tamed it, but not his smile, and leaned in and kissed Conrad’s cheek.

“I love you so much, you know? I’m so glad you’re home but I want you to know you don’t have to throw yourself off a cliff just so you can avoid assignments.”

“But darling, I’ve discovered the secret to optimizing our chances for kissing.”

Reg snorted, grinning. It was contagious.

Naturally gravitating toward one another, they came together and kissed. There was no hurry. No rush to push the kiss into anything more. Instead they savored the connection and breathed into each other’s mouths. It was so slow. So warm and gratifying.

They lost track of the time. The sun set behind the curtains and the night found them reclined beside one another talking about Alaska and the trip they’d take when he was healed.

Reg ran his thumb over the scar at the corner of Conrad’s mouth. He’d taken pains to ensure it healed well and the mark that remained was minimal. Still, he leaned to kiss it.

Conrad fell asleep first, as was common since his accident, and Reg waited and watched until he was certain he wouldn’t wake him. He closed the book, sealing away the photos of mountains, trails, rivers and streams, and ocean, and set it on the nightstand.

With a sigh he settled beside and facing James and smiled as the rise and fall of his chest brought comfort. His own eyes were heavy now and he let them droop. He spoke and his voice was a content murmur.

“Captain James. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

10.7.17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They handled this pretty well I think. It’s the next chapter that will present the real challenge. Soooo expect a 7th chapter AND an epilogue after that.


	7. Chapter 7

Part VII

 

It was late summer the following year. Conrad enjoyed his medical leave but it ended months ago. He was healed. Able to perform as before with physical therapy complete. His first assignment kept him overseas for ten weeks. After months of recovery it had been an exhausting trip but he was home.

Careful about noise, he unlocked the door to the apartment. His watch read almost four in the morning. Reg worked today he was sure. His duffel was heavy on his shoulder and he set it inside and turned on the lamp beside the couch.

The room brightened and revealed the coffee table covered in tools and disassembled record players. There were parts to at least three different players. Probably more.

Conrad smiled and looked to the kitchen where the table was hidden by more projects. Stacks of records that qualified as towers were around the chair pulled away from the table. The other chairs were hosting stacks of their own. It was like a tea party of records had gathered. He wasn’t sure why there were so many. They were not Reg’s. His collection was impressive but this was a quantity that suggested they belonged to the shop. Whatever the reason for the gathering of vinyls, Conrad knew their stay was temporary. The sight of hundreds littering the apartment was rather amusing to come home to. Unexpected but undeniably Reg.

Conrad weaved around the stacks of records on his way to the refrigerator. There was a soldering iron on the counter beside the toaster. It must have broken because it was in pieces and a blackened slice of toast sat beside it.

On the far side of the sink was a newspaper folded open to the comics section. The block for Peanuts was cut out. No doubt to join Reg’s collection. He shook his head, smiling, and pulled a pitcher of water from the fridge before nudging the door shut. He poured a glass and then another after downing the first and leaned against the counters.

From his perch he could see everything strewn across the kitchen island. Projects everywhere. Awaiting repair. Reg tried hard to contain his hobbies but here they were spilled throughout the apartment.

Conrad’s smile deepened and he looked into his glass of water and chuckled.

This.  _ This _ was Reg. Unbridled.

He clicked the lamp off on his way to the bedroom. Reg was asleep beneath the covers, arm thrown over his eyes, and his favorite record player was in the corner still moving. It had long since finished the record and Conrad stepped over. He looked at the center of the vinyl but it was blank. No title or artist listed. Strange, he thought, but he abandoned it to direct his attention to something more important.

Reg’s hair was as much a disaster as always when he slept. He reached out and moved the arm to spare Reg the discomfort of a sore limb when he woke and sat on the edge of the bed. His fingers threaded through the mess of hair, taming it, and he leaned down to kiss Reg’s forehead.

Reg stirred, eyes opening slow, and Conrad felt a little regret at disturbing him.

“James?” Reg smiled.

“Hello darling.” He kept his voice a whisper and held the hand that rose to touch his face. He kissed the palm.

“Did you just get home?” The grogginess in his voice warmed Conrad.

“Yes. I’ve missed you. And I see you’ve been keeping busy.”

There was a moment of processing before Reg understood. He covered his face with his free hand and groaned.

“I destroyed the apartment. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“No. It isn’t. It really, really isn’t. I’ll, um… I’ll get it cleaned up before next week. So we can function. You shouldn’t have to come home to a mess like this.” He sighed and played with the hem of Conrad’s shirt collar, “Oh my god, look at you. You’re so handsome. You don’t even try do you?”

Conrad carded fingers through Reg’s hair. He loved listening to Reg when he was sleepy like this. He placed another kiss against his forehead.

“The mess doesn’t bother me. I love you, darling.”

“I love you, too. Are you coming to bed?”

“After I get cleaned up.”

Conrad began stripping in preparation for a shower. He hissed when he lifted his arms to remove his shirt. He felt dumb for letting it slip because Reg was zeroed into his pain as acutely as ever.

“Are you alright?”

“Ah,” Conrad grit his teeth a moment, “yes.”

The bedside lamp was switched on and Reg was standing and beside him lowering his arms.

“You’re hurt. Covered in bruises. What happened?” Reg worked his long sleeved shirt up and over his head and down his arms for him. He tossed it at and missed the hamper.

“Spelunking happened. But I’m alright. Just a little banged up. Nothing that won’t heal in a week and I’ve got plenty of time before the next round.”

“Have they scheduled another already?” Reg’s hands were casting across his stomach and sides, searching for wounds.

“I wanted to wait until tomorrow to tell you.”

“How long before the next?”

“A couple months.”

“I can baby you for all of it then.”

Babying included a joint shower wherein Reg helped him wash. He returned the favor and they exchanged relaxed kisses and sweet touches. They were both tired and after drying off Conrad sat on their bed, naked, and adjusted the covers. Reg disappeared down the hall for several minutes. When he returned he eased onto the bed behind Conrad and set a heating pack low across his back.

A sigh of relief gusted from Conrad, “That feels wonderful.”

Reg hummed in agreement and set his fingers into the thick muscles tapering down from his neck.

This time Conrad emitted a groan of pleasure and dropped his head forward.

“You’re always so tense when you get back.”

Conrad mouthed a swear at the tingling marching over and beneath his skin. Reg exerted the right amount of force to tread a delicate line between pleasure and pain. Conrad felt his body succumbing to the wind down.

“You have work today.”

“Mm-hm.” Reg sounded half asleep.

“You should sleep.”

“I’d rather be awake with you until you drift off.”

“At this rate that won’t be long.”

Reg was conscientious around the bruising and after a good quarter hour Conrad was putty. He was embraced from behind and his cheek kissed before Reg stood and eased him onto his back.

Eyes heavy, Conrad watched him walk out of his line of sight and heard him pad around the bed to his own side. There was a rustling and several familiar clicks before the bed shifted with added weight.

Several notes rang gentle in the dark and Conrad turned to see Reg with his guitar. He smiled at the sight of deft fingers plucking strings to create a series of sounds he knew was a warm up.

“You’ve gotten very good at that.”

Reg looked at him, his smile tired but happy, “Ever since we’ve been together you’ve made it a thing to always say such sappy things to me. While you were gone I thought I’d attempt to return the favor and maybe serenade you when you got home.”

Reg started strumming and the melody he hit was easy with an upbeat undertone. It was a pattern Conrad found his ears latching onto and it carried him. To his surprise, Reg started singing.

“ _ Welcome home my comrade Conrad how are you tonight? You look a little worse for wear but your smile is just as bright - and there it is. My heart sings. Whoooaa-oh-oh-ooohhh _ .”

Conrad felt himself smiling wider. The tune was bouncy and relaxing and Reg jumped into the next verse with ease.

“ _ You’ve been gone too long but now you’re back so welcome home my comrade Conrad - welcome home. Whoa-oh-oh.” _

The beat altered and picked up ever so slightly.

_ “I missed you, Babe, so hold me tight and kiss me lest I fade away into the night whoa-oh-oh _ .”

Reg bobbed his head from side to side, smiling at Conrad as he played through the break in lyrics.

“ _ I’ll be your king if you’ll be mine and we can rule together side by side - but first thing’s first welcome hooome. My comrade Conrad welcome home. Whoa-oh-what we have isn’t as good as gold - it’s better than - and that’s a fact - I love you so right to your soul - we walked together straight through hell and now we’re back to raise our own but let’s not be bluuuuuue. My comrade Conrad let’s be a different huuuuue _ .”

It was the next verse that resonated with Conrad.

“ _ You tell me you love me and I know it’s true so twine around me and set me free like you alwaaaays doooo. Welcome home my king, my love, my soldier from across the pond, my darling Captain James I love yoooou sooooo. Welcome home _ .” The last line was whispered, their eyes locked.

Reg played the tune out and let the chords vibrate until they settled on their own. Conrad never stopped smiling.

“You wrote that yourself?”

“Just for you. That’s payback for all those terrible one-liners you always give me.”

“Do you not like them?”

“I love them.”

Conrad saw the sleepy sort of affection in Reg’s eyes and wanted to tell him so many things but like times before he couldn’t find the words to do his feelings justice.

“Um,” Reg looked down at his guitar and his lashes shielded his eyes, “you can probably tell it’s not polished. But maybe by the time you’re back from your next assignment I’ll have finished it and can serenade you proper.”

Conrad touched his arm from where he was reclined and Reg met his eyes.

“Writing me songs. Singing to me. Truly I don’t deserve you.”

Reg’s smile renewed and he set aside his guitar and hunkered down to kiss him.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

It was good to be home. The return to a schedule was welcome and Conrad woke mid afternoon and started laundry. He washed his clothes first as they smelled of musty caverns and sweat. He started a third cycle before he returned to their apartment to find Mason standing outside their door.

“Mason.” He greeted.

“Welcome home, Captain. Been a few months. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Glad to be back. You look well.”

“I can’t complain. Laundry day?” She nodded to his basket of clothes fresh from the dryer.

“Half done.”

“Have time for a guest?”

He let her in and she stopped three paces inside.

“Wow! Where did your apartment go?”

He’d forgotten about the projects and stacks of records awaiting to be inventoried.

“Did something happen at the record shop?”

Conrad shook his head, his smile small, “Not knowing for certain how many months I would be gone, Reg found a way to keep busy in my absence. It’s a good thing.”

“If you say so. You been debriefed yet?”

“Tomorrow.”

She followed him to the bedroom where he began putting away his still warm-hot clothes. He looked over his shoulder at her while shaking out a shirt and hanging it up.

“How have things been with your accountant?”

“Oh, him? I let him go months ago.”

“You don’t sound torn over it.”

“He turned out to be a bit of a creep. Or… I don’t know maybe he was just average. It’s hard to tell.”

Conrad’s brow pinched.

“Don’t make that face at me.” She eyed him, “I know you and your boy. The two of you make everyone look bad. Someone that wouldn’t be disappointing under normal circumstances suddenly looks unappealing when standing beside you two.”

He chuckled, “I’m flattered. I’ll have to tell Reg that.”

They chattered back and forth about miscellany things. Conrad finished putting away laundry and set the basket on the floor and walked around the room collecting Reg’s scattered clothes. When he pulled Reg’s jeans off the end of the bed Mason changed topics.

“Seems all the laundry lying around this place is always Slivko’s. Add all the stuff in the living room and kitchen and you’ve got quite the mess on your hands. Does that ever annoy you? The laundry thing I mean. You get after him about that?”

Conrad slowed to a quarter his normal pace. He was folding the jeans over his arm and not looking at her.

“No. No, it doesn’t bother me.”

“Wow. Really? Why not? I mean, seriously, I can understand the projects from work but how hard is it to put clothes in a hamper?”

Conrad was careful with his response, “I used to ‘get after’ my comrades during the war about their… idiosyncrasies. Constantly it seemed. But when I lost them it occurred to me in their absence I missed what made them unique. So no. This doesn’t bother me. It is a part of Reg and I feel lucky to share in it. I miss this when on assignment. Besides, clothes on the floor and draped over furniture is trivial. I’ll pick them up every day for the rest of my life if needed.”

Mason’s jaw dropped and she covered her mouth. She looked stunned and Conrad asked her if she were alright.

She recovered and nodded, “You just… you love him so much.”

Conrad bowed his head in a slow confirmation and walked to the basket. He dropped the jeans on the growing pile and shut the lid on the empty hamper.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg attempted to clean the clutter in the apartment but Conrad convinced him it wasn’t important. Not today. Not that week.

Instead of cleaning Reg was preoccupied with cooking and chatting with Conrad. They found themselves kissing that evening and soon enough in bed together making love.

“Now,” Conrad breathed against his ear during their post orgasm panting, “isn’t this more important than cleaning?”

Reg nodded, near breathless, and guided their mouths together.

The mess in the apartment dispersed over the next month. There was no hurry and Conrad often interrupted him to take him out. Sometimes it was a movie. Other times dinner. They did take one vacation while he was home but didn’t go far.

Eventually Conrad surrendered to the nearing departure date of his next assignment. The night before his plane was scheduled to leave, when they were in bed together, he apologized to Reg.

“What for?”

“Seems every time we make plans to visit your grandmother they are cancelled. Even during my recovery, when it should have been easiest for us to go, things kept coming up.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s frustrating.”

“You don’t make the calls. They do.” Reg rubbed his hand back and forth over Conrad’s chest and sighed, “Maybe we should just go one day when you’re here. Not make a plan. Might be to our benefit.”

“Perhaps.”

Conrad kept the idea in mind throughout his next assignment. It spanned six weeks, which was six weeks too long to be wading through swamp waters and dodging local wildlife. It had been the most dangerous assignment he’d been on since Skull Island and they had taken every precaution. No one in their sizable crew was hurt beyond minor scrapes and bruises.

When they returned to Washington Brooks had him clean up and report for his debriefing.

Everything went smooth as silk and Conrad was beginning to develop a tingle of suspicion at the nape of his neck. He filed it away, hoping it was luck bringing him such smooth seas lately, and was unlocking the apartment door before he knew it.

The apartment was dark. Windows were shut and it was warm. Too warm. And stuffy.

He flicked on the living room light. Signs of life were present. There were dishes in the sink and a few small items littered the table and island in the kitchen.

“Reg?”

There was no response to his call. It was a Saturday afternoon. Normally he would be home at this time. If nothing else he’d have the windows open on such a nice day.

A quick search of the apartment turned Reg up in the bedroom sleeping. It was a relief and a sigh flooded out of him.

He approached the bed and understood why the apartment was in its current state.

Reg’s skin had a sheen to it. He was sweaty. Overheated. His nose was red and there were dark rings under his eyes.

“Oh, darling.” Conrad brushed his knuckles over his forehead and felt the low fever.

Reg stirred, weary eyes opening, and emitted a miserable sound. His face shifted to a lighter expression when he realized it was Conrad.

“ _ James _ . You’re home.”

“You’re sick.”

“Yeah,” his voice was rough, “S’pretty awful. I think it’s just an aggressive cold though.”

“You have a fever.”

“Mm. Mom was here earlier. I was cold then so she closed the windows for me. Now I’m really hot.”

“I’ll open them. Do you need anything?”

“Can you get me water and some cold meds, please? They should be in the kitchen.”

Conrad opened every window in the apartment and returned to the bedroom with a glass of water and medicine. He helped Reg sit upright and placed the pills in his hand. When they were taken and the glass half drained and set on the nightstand he knelt beside the bed.

“How long have you felt unwell?”

“Um, maybe a week or so. Week and two, maybe three days.”

“Have you been to the doctor?”

“No. Mom has been here every day, though. She had to go to work and then get groceries. Said she’d be back after. Then I fell asleep.”

“Are you feeling any better or worse?”

“Better. Worst of it is over.”

“Good.” Conrad stroked his face and hair, gentle, and felt guilt overtake him.

He should have been here for Reg. Taking care of him. The fact he didn’t know Reg was sick burned him inside. He wanted to be able to keep in better touch when they were apart.

Reg swallowed and sniffed and Conrad ran his knuckles over his cheekbone.

“You’ve lost weight.”

“Ha,” Reg blinked slow at him, “pretty impressive considering how much mom has been feeding me. Was probably from the first three days. I had some bad diarrhea and was vomiting a lot. Probably a good thing you missed it.”

“That doesn’t sound like a cold.”

“I’m in denial.”

“Yes.” Conrad handed him the glass of water again and watched him finish it. He seemed out of breath after.

Reg’s stomach growled and he groaned. He slumped and reached for a tissue and blew his nose. He looked at Conrad and cringed.

“Don’t stare at me like that I’m such a wreck. I saw myself in the mirror this morning. I look like hell.”

Conrad’s smile was tender, “I haven’t seen you in some time. You look as beautiful to me as always.”

“Oh my god, James.” Reg’s weak, airy laugh made Conrad chuckle.

“Too much?”

“You’ve barely been home and already you’re trying to hit your quota for the month.”

“I wasn’t aware I had a quota.”

Reg laughed, in love with the way Conrad spoke through a chuckle. His skin crinkling at the corners of his eyes and his handsome smile were both endearing, but it was that rumbling laugh he lived to hear.

“I’ll make you something to eat. What would you like?”

“There’s some soup mom made. That would be great.”

Conrad prepared the soup and Reg walked into the kitchen when he was ladling it into a bowl.

“You can have some, too.” Reg said, rubbing at an eye with the heel of his hand and looking smaller than he really was wearing one of Conrad’s shirts.

Conrad joined him and they sat together on the couch and ate. Reg was too tired to sit on a stool at the counter and the kitchen chairs were hard, cool wood to his currently sensitive skin.

After eating Reg looked drained and Conrad carried him, half asleep, back to bed and tucked him in.

Reg mumbled and his eyes were tiny slits barely able to stay open, “Mm sorry.”

Conrad sat on the edge of the bed, stroking through his hair, “What on Earth for?”

“Bein’ sick. You’re home and I’m a mess. I missed you. Juss wanna… be with you.” His eyes closed but he wasn’t asleep yet.

Conrad lifted Reg’s hand and kissed his knuckles, “Don’t stress over that, love. You need rest. Sleep. Get better. I’ll be here. I promise.”

Reg made a pleasant noise, sighing, and murmured. The words were indistinguishable but the emotion and tone was clear.

Smiling, Conrad replied, “I love you, too.”

He didn’t move as Reg slipped into sleep. He continued to hold the hand he’d kissed and stroked it with his thumb.

Minutes passed. Reg’s even, clear breathing was reassuring. The medicine would help him sleep and the food would provide the nourishment to help him recover. There wasn’t much more he could do for him, he admitted to himself.

And he hated it. He wished he could have been here for him from the start of this sickness. Wished he wasn’t gone half the year or more. His assignments had grown longer and more frequent. He was sick of cancelling plans. Of rescheduling. Normal people didn’t have this nonsense to deal with.

He stayed at Reg’s side until he heard the door unlocking. It was Regina and he met her in the kitchen and did his best not to startle her.

She was overjoyed to see his return and embraced him. He wrapped her up, feeling like he needed her motherly affection more than ever, and when she didn’t pull away after a time he knew her intuition told her he wasn’t ready to let go.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg returned to work late the following week. His voice was almost normal and despite lingering fatigue he felt decent.

He was sorting a new delivery of records when his boss walked in. It was Thursday before lunch, which meant he was here to take care of payroll.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” The words were unexpected and the tone hard.

Reg looked up, sensing tension, but spoke casual and calm, “Chris called in. Asked me if I could work for him and I’m feeling a lot better so I thought I’d just get back to it.”

His boss scowled, “I don’t think you understand. I sent a letter. Didn’t you get it?”

Reg was home within the hour. He showered that morning but he felt like he needed another. After stripping he stood beneath the spray that he’d set to be borderline too hot and let the torrent try its best to wash away his stress.

When done running the hot water low he stood naked in front of the mirror and stared. His brow was creased, worried, and his body was still recovering from being sick. He could see the weight he’d lost. Eight pounds.

He’d gain it back. In time.

He shaved and patted his face dry, leaning closer to the mirror to scrutinize. His eye was critical and after a beat he was thinking about James. About how handsome he was. About how they must look together when they walked side by side. Not quite hand in hand. Too risky, though he would love it if they could.

His own face seemed plain. Common and easily forgotten. He didn’t have the defined lines James did and thinking about them had him recalling the intense, raptor-like stare James had when they’d first met. It was an indiscriminate gaze, as though he were unhappy with everyone and everything. Skeptical. Critical. Irritated.

Reg had taken offense to him at first, though he’d hidden it. But as they grew to know one another on the island he understood that James’ stare was not disgust or irritation at everyone else. It was an inward sort of thing. A protective barrier Reg felled. He’d peeled away the layers and discovered James was even more magnificent than any of them realized.

Gone was the distant, dangerous, complex and mysterious man, replaced by a kind soul that was searching for the same things any other human sought.

Reg figured he must have looked out of place beside James. As different as they were maybe passersby thought them distant cousins or simply friends. Certainly not lovers. Men as handsome as James were free to choose who they wanted and when.

Reg knew he wasn’t someone’s immediate choice at first glance. He was gawky and awkward. Skinny. Looked younger than he was. Always had.

And yet James continued to call him beautiful. Reg smiled at those memories. At all the cheesy lines he’d been given. They made him feel loved. And he knew James loved him. It was written all over his face. In his eyes and sewn into his words and actions.

Reg rubbed the back of his neck and straightened. He was torn between James’ compliments and his own low self image. It spun a mess inside him. Sweet and bitter cohabitating. He wished he knew which to err toward but he was stuck at the center.

He gave up and dressed to distract himself. James was shopping and would be home before lunch to put away purchases. Normally he’d venture out and visit Reg at the record store over lunch but today would be different.

Reg sat on the couch and practiced on his guitar until he heard the lock on the door turn.

“You’re home early.” Conrad set the keys down, “Are you feeling alright?”

Reg didn’t have to look at him to know that little curious squint was present on his face.

“Yeah.” Reg put his hand over the guitar strings to stop the vibration, “Yeah, I’m not still sick or anything.”

“Did you take a half day?”

Reg stared at the floor, eyes unfocused, and knew his expression was half confused and all stress.

“I was fired.”

Conrad stopped sorting groceries, “Fired? For what?”

Reg shrugged, “For being gay I guess.”

Conrad set the can he’d been holding on the counter and walked to him. He knelt between his legs and their eyes found each other.

“What did he say to you?”

Reg looked away, “Nothing nice.”

Conrad moved Reg’s knee back and forth. A silent gesture for him to keep talking.

“Just,” Reg took a breath and sighed, “mean things. Called me a nice, wide variety. A few stick out. Like sinner. Freak.  _ Ugly _ . Though I’m not sure what being ugly has to do with being gay.”

Conrad sighed, “You know none of that is true.”

Reg set his guitar aside and leaned forward and they hugged.

“He was such an  _ ass _ .” Reg squeezed him.

“It stings, I know, but you are not ugly, darling. Or anything he told you. You are handsome. Beautiful.” Conrad drew back and kissed his cheek. “Intelligent. Endearing. Funny and playful.  _ Spirited _ . These words describe you, love.”

Reg, smiling, hid his face against Conrad’s neck. This was James - so much more than military training and intuitive survivalist. It was a big heart and reassurance. Sweetness - softness- wrapped in loving whispers and dipped in supportive grace. It was why Reg felt at ease when they were together.

He felt lighter now, able to shed the hateful comments of his now ex-boss. He’d needed the reminder of who he was and over dinner he was able to reexamine the freedom James had given him.

“I think,” he said as they sat side-by-side in bed that evening, “I’ll go to college with the money I’ve saved.”

James approved, “I know you’ll excel at anything you try. What will you go for?”

“Music and engineering.”

“That’s quite a combination. You’ll soon be far too good for me.”

He leaned into James’ side, “I could never be too good for you.”

There was a pause and Reg thought it odd. He felt more than heard James sigh and all at once the atmosphere was off. Then came James’ whispered words.

“You already are. I’ve never deserved you.”

The heavy sort of hollow in his voice lanced Reg through both mind and heart and drove a sharp, painful realization into his gut. The red flag was bright and like a spear the gravity of what he was hearing - what he had been hearing for years - was bearing down hard and piercing deep.

Anxiety and fear rose in Reg and guilt bubbled into his throat and he had to choke it down. He had to remain calm. But there was venom burning through his system as the epiphany took hold.

“ _ James _ .” He exhaled like he’d been punched and drew a steadying breath, “What do you mean by that?”

James was silent and Reg knew he was searching for words. The expression across his face was one he’d seen on occasion before. Worry. Shame. Guilt. He’d always wondered what would cause James to feel these things around him.

Reg moved to his knees and straddled him. He was careful as he took James’ face between his hands and lifted to meet their eyes. The fear in James’ eyes intensified and he searched every hue of blue for answers but found none.

“Where is this coming from?”

He knew his confusion and concern was showing. It may have been what grounded James.

“You’re…” James began but there was a pause - a resistance - before he broke under Reg’s heartbreaking stare, “young, darling. Thirteen years younger than I. And you’re so much  _ smarter _ than I was at your age. You have ambitions. Dreams. I have none of that.”

There it was. Finally. The subtle tension he’d always felt. The reason for the pain in James’ eyes when he looked at him with love. The guilt and shame and worry. All of it made sense now.

“It… that,” Reg struggled as distress rippled through him, “that doesn’t matter to me, James - I love you.”

“And I love you, terribly so.” James had stabilized himself. The pain was still evident on his face, but it was controlled, accepted, and his voice was even as he continued.

“But I feel you could have done better had I allowed you to explore the world more. There are many others out there who can match your drive for life and lift you up. They can compound your enthusiasm to learn and grow. What can I do aside from leave you for months at a time on these assignments I’m bound to for who-knows how many more years to come? I am stagnant compared to you. And I took you from the world knowing all this and that was selfish of me. I clipped your wings before you could even fly.”

Reg felt himself trembling to hear the words. He was terrified and it manifested as tears that spilled in a sudden rush down his cheeks. His vision blurred and he grit his teeth and shook his head. His voice was quivering as he spoke and broke a little more with each word.

“Don’t… Don’t talk that way about the man I love.”

James’ breath hitched but he could say nothing as Reg’s fingers laced through his hair and the half-sobbed words picked up again.

“H-how would you feel if I talked about myself that way? If I said I wasn’t good enough for you? If I said I was too young or naive for you? Too… too ugly? Wouldn’t that make you worry I wanted to leave out of a misplaced sense of inadequacy?” Reg wiped his wet face with the heel and then back of one hand and wrapped him in a tight embrace, “James, I  _ love _ you.”

The words were hard to push out around his broken sob. He wished he could fit a thousand explanations into those three words. Because if he could he knew James wouldn’t feel the way he was feeling now.

Arms came up and held him, as they always did when he needed them, but James was quiet.

“I wake up every single day feeling so lucky. I could have spent years alone or jumping from one relationship to another but instead I have you. I have someone I love who gave me the courage to be myself. You’re all I want. You’re my everything and I feel fucking stupid because I didn’t know you felt this way until now.” Reg swallowed a sob, “I thought when you’d say things like I was more than you deserve you weren’t serious. I thought it was your way of building my confidence.”

James squeezed him and began to stroke his back, “Sorry isn’t enough to mend this but it is a place to start. I am so, so sorry my dear. Know that you are the furthest thing from stupid.”

Reg sniffed, “Well I feel stupid. Dumb for not taking it seriously for so long.”

“I never meant for such things to hurt you. I never would have said them had I known we’d be here.”

Reg pulled back, smiled a little, and huffed a laugh while nodding, “I know. I know you’d never mean to hurt me. You’re too kind hearted for that. You do so much for me. You take care of me even when I’m so scatterbrained it should be frustrating.”

“Whimsical. That’s what I call you.”

“Whimsical.” Reg pressed his lips together and looked away - at the wall, out the window, somewhere - and when he turned back his voice cracked, “Do you have anything bad to say about me? Anything at all?”

“No.” James shook his head. The immediate answer sent a new swell of tears rising to Reg’s eyes.

“You can’t… you can’t do that.” He wiped at them and bowed against James, “You can’t put me up there like that. It’s not right. It’s not healthy. We- we have to have balance, y’know?”

“I thought we did.”

Nodding, Reg slid his hands into the hair at the nape of James’ neck and took a moment to breathe.

“Me, too, but you’re hurting inside and I didn’t know. And that’s not okay. If I don’t know there’s a problem I can’t address it.”

“I imagine you have something negative about me. Will you share it?”

He pressed the length of one finger to James’ chest, “I had one thing. But now it’s two.” His middle finger uncurled to join the first. Paired together they pressed against his breastbone.

“What is the newest?”

“Your apparent low self worth. But I want you to know I’m going to work on that. I’m going to make you see how much you deserve love.”

And Reg saw the renewed and intensified vulnerability in James’ eyes. The stoic facade he was known for was miles away and he was open and unyielding - emotions raw. Naked. There written on the lines of his face was the realization he’d always been running. From love. Feeling he wasn’t worthy.

Before he scuttled himself, Reg pulled him from the storm of thoughts and lifted his face in both hands. It forced James to focus on him.

“You know, when this first started between us I thought I’d be the one with this insecurity. Not you. Not my badass British boyfriend. And I’ve thought before,” Reg swallowed, “that you’re so handsome this can’t be real. Because why would someone that looks like you, who turns heads and makes men and women alike stare after, ever be with someone plain like me?”

James’ hands came up to rest over Reg’s forearms. He held him, gentle, and tilted his head to press a kiss to the warmth of a palm.

“I don’t ever want you feeling that way.”

Reg sniffed, smiling, “I know. And I don’t want you feeling like you don’t deserve me. And I don’t want you thinking all my faults are not faults. I’m a mess and I need your help. Because sometimes I get lost in myself. And sometimes I feel bad because I miss the clothes hamper all the time and don’t pick stuff up and then I see that you did it for me. Then occasionally I destroy the apartment with my projects because I get carried away. Never once have you ever complained. And I’m really bad about doing dishes regularly. You end up doing them most of the time.”

“You do everything when I’m away. It’s only fair I step up when I am here.”

“But it isn’t just that stuff, James. It’s everything. You kiss me and it’s always so pure. You make me feel loved and appreciated. You’ve never raised your voice at me or made me feel inadequate. Never once. It’s like you were crafted from honesty and goodness and boxed into this stupidly handsome body and I’ll never understand how I ended up so lucky to have you not only in my life but as my lover. So don’t ever think you’re not good enough for me. You are all things great and wonderful in my life. You’re more than I could ever ask for and I’ll never take that for granted.”

Conrad was kissed hard and did his best to respond but the affectionate gesture was brief and Reg held his face as he continued.

“And you do deserve me. For everything you’ve given me. Everything you’ve shown me. Everything you’ve done and everywhere you’ve gone with me. For the love you give me every day. You do deserve me. Because if not for you I wouldn’t be this free. I wouldn’t have confidence and I wouldn’t have drive. You gave me a life to live and I’m so lucky to have your love I don’t care if I deserve it or not because we chose this. We chose each other and that’s all that matters. So don’t put me up there. Help me be better. Because that’s what I’m going to do for you. I promise. Because I love you.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Conrad felt terrible.

Physically he was fine. His mind had never shut down for the night and he’d lain awake until the sun was peeking through the curtains. He’d napped for maybe fifteen minutes before his alarm went off.

He was due at Monarch.

He didn’t want to go, but he was also afraid to stay.

Reg rolled over and curled against him. As always he welcomed him, held him, and pressed a kiss to messy hair.

_ We chose this _ .

The three words echoed in his mind. They were true.

Reg had chosen him. And he’d chosen Reg.

That should have been the end of his worries. It should have put him at ease. Made it better.

But he’d hurt Reg. He knew he had. From the way Reg had cried in his arms to how he’d fallen asleep with his face red and wet, Conrad knew the issue was not tidied up and put away.

Things were fractured.There was tenseness in the air. Something unspoken and glaring red like a wound.

It muddled his thoughts and he sat through his meeting with Brooks and listened but felt detached. He had a new assignment and was scheduled to leave within four hours. First he headed home. He needed to pack and he did so without waking Reg.

When his bag was heavy on his shoulder and he was dressed appropriately, he stood in the doorway to the bedroom and watched the careful rise and fall of Reg’s chest.

He should wake him to say goodbye. He knew he should.

But he was afraid. And tired. Weary.

He swallowed and left and didn’t look back until he’d thrown his bag into the waiting taxi. The apartment complex, tall and lonely looking with hardly anyone around, was ominous.

When he arrived at Monarch he felt sick. The nauseating ache on his conscience stretched through the meeting and followed him like unfinished business.

He had to go back to say goodbye. He couldn’t leave the country without telling Reg in person.

He asked for an escort home and Brooks didn’t question his reasoning.

When he walked through the front door he felt short of breath.

Reg was standing in the living room, looking half asleep and wearing one of James’ shirts, and had all the air of pending heartbreak.

He looked so scared it wrenched Conrad’s heart.

“James?” His name was a weak whisper.

He felt himself smile, sad, and he slipped from the door and crossed the room to wrap his arms around Reg in a firm embrace.

Reg folded against him. He cursed himself for almost leaving without a goodbye. Without an explanation. How could he even consider it?

“Darling.” Conrad drew a deep breath, “I’m afraid they’re sending me out very soon.”

In his arms Reg nodded.

“Be careful. Stay safe.” The words sounded stiff and fragile. There were more, Conrad sensed it, but the air between them hung empty.

But Conrad heard the unspoken.

_ Come back to me. _

And he wanted to tell him he didn’t have to worry about him running away. He wasn’t abandoning him. The problem was his throat felt frozen despite the burn in his chest.

He kissed Reg. Wholeheartedly. All his passion. His love.

It wasn’t enough. He needed to say it. Vocalize. Make it  _ real _ .

But he didn’t.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

It was cool outside. A biting breeze filtered through the kitchen window. Two leaves crackled against the screen and Reg reached up and pressed against the stiff mesh.

The leaves fluttered away and Reg returned his hand to wrap around his mug of tea. He sipped but felt none warmer.

There was a numbness inside him. He’d spent the better part of the last week in emotional upset. It robbed him of sleep and he was tired.

He’d cried and sobbed until there was nothing left and now he felt empty. He feared James wasn’t coming home.

Not because of his assignment. Not because he sensed something terrible happening to him.

But because James didn’t want to come home.

There wasn’t any confirmation of these mental tinglings - only a feeling.

Like the day James left for his assignment Reg felt they’d been cut from one another. James came back to say goodbye, but minutes before that Reg felt like he’d disappeared.

As though there had never been the intention of a farewell.

And the embrace that followed? It wasn’t the same as their others.

The kiss goodbye thawed him some, but it didn’t erase the fear or hurt he’d felt.

A part of him wondered if that was the last he’d see of James.

And then he wondered why he was having these thoughts at all. There was uncertainty in James and his apparent lack of self value, but nothing in his prior behavior suggested he had any intention of leaving him.

Nothing.

So why was he worried?

Because of a feeling?

He’d felt like James was leaving without a goodbye and that hadn’t happened. James had come back to say it even if it did feel different.

Reg tugged a hand through his hair, shaking.

He didn’t understand and he didn’t know what to do.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

01.01.2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these boys have a mess to sort out.  
> Fun fact: I struggled with this part for a long time and eventually realized the issue I had was with how it was cut. I removed a sizeable chunk off the end of this part and moved it to Part VIII. I think it'll be better for it. And man, I bet you all can't wait until Part twenty-seven is here. Har har har. Laugh at my own expense because chapters keep generating more like they're reproducing or something.


	8. Part VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... guys... I'm back. I feel like I've been gone ages. I really wanted to spend more time on this chapter but it's been killing me inside. It's not perfect but after many revisions this is what I've got. One more chapter left. The epilogue. Then I can move on with my life because this has been a wild ride.

Part VIII

 

James didn’t feel any better on his assignment. When he wasn’t traveling with the scientists he found ways to keep himself busy.

Chopping firewood was his go-to activity and it maintained the campsite stock.

He was done when panting and his shirt clung to him. After cleanup he turned in. He did this every night until they were heading home.

He slept well enough on the flight. Sleep was a welcome break in his thought cycle. The last hour found him awake. It was too much time to sit and do nothing with his hands.

He was focusing on thoughts of Reg. Thoughts that would normally be uplifting and tinged with that bittersweet longing were now heavy.

When the plane landed and they unloaded he hit the showers at Monarch. His actions were mechanical.

Sitting by the lockers in a towel letting his hair dry was not something he’d ever allotted time for but today it provided him space to settle his mind.

He did miss Reg. He did.

In fact, he missed him so much it ached.

His fear had been masking his longing and love. He knew that now.

Standing, he opened his locker, pulled a clean set of clothes, and closed it with a defining slam.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg was sitting at the kitchen island when he opened the door. There were several mugs across the counter and he knew each one had held something different. The sight of Reg turning in the kitchen stool, pushing away from whatever he’d been doing, sent a thrill through Conrad.

“ _James_.”

Conrad smiled, abandoned his duffel on the floor, and moved forward. They were fluid as they collided and Conrad heard himself wheeze at the arms that wrapped around him in a possessive, vice-tight grip.

“I love you, James. I love you.” The words were a rush of air. As though Reg had feared never saying it again.

It sobered Conrad and reminded him how they’d left things. His smile faded and he cradled Reg.

“I love you, too, darling. You know that.” He urged Reg to look up and tipped their foreheads together. He was half a breath from apologizing and addressing the unspoken but the sight of rings under Reg’s eyes stopped him. He brushed a thumb over the darkness there.

Reg was exhausted. Conrad had done that to him. He knew he had. Sleep deprived and hurting was not the condition he wanted Reg in when they discussed matters.

So he kissed him. Slow. Sweet. Loving. And when he pulled back there was a flush to Reg’s cheeks.

“I missed you.” He whispered, “I always miss you, darling. And I worry.”

Reg sniffed and a pressed smile formed on his face. Conrad scrunched a handful of Reg’s hair. He’d missed the way eyes fluttered at the touch.

“You haven’t been sleeping.”

“I…” Reg’s voice cut away and Conrad waited but nothing more came.

They needed to talk. To mend this rift but it had to wait until Reg was rested.

When Reg made a noise, mild distress and frustration at his lack of mental clarity, Conrad soothed him with a gentle shush.

“The bedroom isn’t far. Let me tuck you in.”

Conrad carried and deposited him on the edge of the bed. He knelt between Reg’s legs and remained when the arms around him stayed half draped over his shoulders.

“Are you coming to bed, too?”

Conrad lifted the hem of the sweatshirt Reg was wearing and pulled it and the undershirt over his head. He went for the socks next and they slipped off without struggle.

“Would you like me to?” His voice was quiet to assist Reg in winding down. He leaned to rest his elbows on the mattress. It forced his head to crane back so they could still look at one another.

The air between them lacked their normal looseness. Reg fidgeted and Conrad moved to run a hand along his thigh to settle him.

“I’m,” Reg swallowed and bit back tears, “I’m sorry I-I’m kinda messed up right now.”

His hand formed to the side of Conrad’s face. It was shaking.

“But I do. Want you to, I mean.” Reg breathed, “I missed you, too.”

Conrad turned his mouth into the palm and kissed it, “You’re trembling, darling.”

Had he been this way the entire time they were apart? No surprise he hadn’t slept well. Conrad’s fingers played along the pant waistband. He bowed his head. Kissed the center of Reg’s exposed chest. Heard the wavering inhale and felt fingers on his back tighten and loosen and slide over the ridges of his spine. Hesitant. Nervous.

Reg needed to _relax_. He needed to settle his mind so he could sleep and recharge. He was his own worst enemy sometimes. Conrad knew what that was like. And not sleeping? Recipe for disaster.

He kissed down Reg’s front and diverted to one side to exhale against the skin just above his hip.

“Did you touch yourself while I was gone?”

There was a shift and pause, as though Reg had to think about it. Jesus - he had to _think_ about it.

“I… no.” Reg shook his head.

Conrad’s arms wrapped under Reg’s thighs and his fingers curled beneath his waistband. He lifted and the action tilted Reg until he had him on his back. Hands were still on his shoulders. He slid the pants halfway down those skinny hips and crawled over him.

“No wonder you’re keyed up. I’ve been gone almost four weeks.” He kissed Reg’s throat and let the heat of his mouth pool there. His fingers skimmed Reg’s bare sides, leading a suggestive path to his groin.

“Seemed longer.” Reg nudged his face with his nose and Conrad saw it for the request it was and kissed him.

“Always does.” He shifted Reg’s weight from one hip to the other as he removed his pants. As he expected there was no underwear. It made him smile.

The contrast of being naked to Conrad fully clothed made Reg shiver. He felt powerless before him. Vulnerable.

But it wasn’t upsetting. He trusted Conrad and had gone hard the moment he’d been reclined. And maybe that was some pavlovian conditioning at work but he didn’t care. His body was letting him know how neglected it felt.

Conrad kissed the underside of Reg’s jaw and rubbed at inner thighs spread for him. Beneath him Reg squirmed and made a distressed sound.

“Shhh.” Conrad murmured into his ear, “Let’s take care of this. So you can sleep.”

Reg’s legs bent, framing him, and he held the thick thighs as he lowered to take him in. A shiver rattled through Reg and his thighs squeezed. It momentarily trapped Conrad but it wasn’t unwelcome. Conrad liked it. This was new for them and the raised legs reminded him of shy women he’d been with in the past. Even a few men, he supposed. Anyone could be shy or nervous. But it wasn’t common anymore for Reg to be this way around him.

Reg’s distress left him half closed off. Half withdrawn and half seeking comfort. The knot in the middle, each side pulling tighter, left Reg unable to unwind. Conrad intended to fix the problem.

He worked Reg in wet, slow motions. The shaking signaled this could end at any moment.

Reg choked on a sob. Fingers laced into Conrad’s hair. It was a search for control and Conrad waited. The hand shook with effort to release its grip. When it did he didn’t move for several seconds to allow the tremors to subside.

Reg was panting, his legs shifting, and when Conrad resumed the quake of his thighs picked up again. God, he had him right there. Right on the edge.

He curled his fingers over Reg’s thighs and worked him in earnest. Reg’s hand found his hair again and he emitted a sound like he’d been struck. His body stiffened but he still hadn’t come.

“James! Ah! James! I’m going to…”

A little more was all he needed. To break him completely. And perhaps he should have communicated it was alright to finish in his mouth but Reg couldn’t possibly hold out much longer. Not when he was this in need of release after weeks of nothing.

Conrad spread a palm along Reg’s stomach to hold him down, fingers splaying wide, and hollowed his cheeks. The thighs on either side of his face jumped and Reg loosed a broken cry and that was it. That was the knot coming undone as Conrad’s mouth flooded and Reg wilted with a moan.

He pulled off, supporting Reg’s limp legs, and licked his lips as he listened to the labored panting and watched the rise and fall of the bare chest before him. Reg shivered. It was beautiful seeing him this way.

It was exactly what Conrad had wanted for him.

“Holy _shit_ , James.”

Conrad smiled and adjusted Reg so he was fully on the bed. He kissed his face and spoke low against his ear.

“You should sleep well after that.”

Reg’s eyes were barely visible between his lashes, heavy with exhaustion that was now compounded.

“What about you?”

Conrad stroked messy hair, “Raincheck. You’re so tired you can barely keep your eyes open.”

Reg made a distressed mumbling sound that said he didn’t like the idea but didn’t have the faculties to argue.

“Get some sleep. For me? I’ll get you cleaned up.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Reg woke before sunrise. The room was dark and he sat up, quick, and looked around.

He felt like he’d gone from one percent power to a hundred and fifty. He touched his face and for a split second didn’t know why but his conscious mind caught up with his subconscious and he realized he was feeling for swelling under his eyes. For those bags he was known for when he didn’t sleep enough.

No puffiness.

Conrad was asleep beside him.

“Oh my god.” He clapped a hand over his mouth.

That’s right. Conrad had come home.

He’d come _home_.

The memory was so hazy it was dreamlike. He’d really been out of it.

Reg pulled the covers back and stood. He stumbled and steadied himself with a hand on the nightstand.

“Jesus.” He whispered and patted his chest and stomach like he were checking to make sure he were real and everything was where it should have been. He was naked.

Right! James had…

He felt his ears burn and he covered his mouth again.

_God_. He’d come so fast last night. Embarrassing.

But he felt better. Better than he had in weeks.

And now he was stuck, because he wasn’t sure what to do next. He wasn’t going to wake James.

So what could he do until he was awake?

Shower. He nodded and proceeded to clean himself. He brushed his teeth and flossed. Shaved even though he’d done so two days ago. His shower was quick and when done he pulled on relaxed clothes and stopped by the side of the bed.

On the floor were his clothes from last night. His mouth quirked a little. James hadn’t thrown them in the hamper like usual. This was good. Because he was going to do it.

Those few items started a chain and Reg went around the room collecting more scattered belongings. He’d tidied the entire room, minus the bed, in less than ten minutes.

Next he attacked the living room. Then the kitchen where he put away the dishes he’d washed yesterday. His scattered mugs went into the sink and he took care of them and placed them on the drying rack.

Now what? He looked around the clean apartment.

“Right.” He sighed, feeling accomplished, “Tea.”

He milled about the apartment thinking for an hour. He made more tea as he pondered what would need to happen today.

There was no way they weren’t having a hell of a heart-to-heart. He wouldn’t allow a repeat of this last month. Ever.

He was a disaster when left to his own thoughts and worries. He knew this. And yeah - he was wildly aware how _bad_ he had it for James. Not that he didn’t know before, but the conversation before the assignment rattled him.

If James left him he knew he’d fall apart.

It made him feel weak. Dependant.

But _Jesus Christ_ what could he do? He wasn’t just in love with James.

He was _stupid-in-love_.

He couldn’t imagine loving anyone the way he did James. It wasn’t possible. Unless he shared an equal amount of traumatizing experiences with someone else he happened to click with.

Not likely.

So that was it. He was stupid-in-love and James was his one-and-only. And they had to talk.

But what the _fuck_ was he going to say?

‘Hey, babe, you can’t ever leave me because if you do I’ll self destruct and I don’t want to do that.’ Yeah. That wasn’t exactly helping him be less dependant.

He couldn’t make decisions for James. James was free to walk away from this relationship. A terrifying reality.

The issue was not James’ attraction to Reg. That existed. That was a thing. Reg was aware how much James loved him.

The issue was James’ low self worth.

And Reg _got_ that. He understood the feeling thoroughly. It was the story of his life before James.

But how the hell did someone like _James Conrad_ have this problem? It was maddening.

How could he help James overcome this insecurity? The feeling that he didn’t deserve to be loved?

“This is ridiculous.” He said to the empty room and made a helpless gesture.

But he’d told James he was going to help him and he was keeping that promise.

If a way to help James didn’t exist then he’d _invent_ one. Even if it took the rest of his life.

He froze. Mind and body still as a singular thought blossomed.

“How did I get over it?”

He looked down and scratched the back of his head. He’d suffered through years of low self worth but once he was in a relationship with James those thoughts fell apart. Not because James loved him, but because James had showed him his differences didn’t make him bad. He wasn’t an outcast. He was one of many others. He wasn’t alone.

But it wasn’t the same for James, which meant James’ low self worth was tethered to something different. Reg had matured believing no one would accept him. James hadn’t needed that. James had met who-knew how many people in his life that had accepted him.

So where, exactly, was his low self worth stemming from?

From his lack of a family?

But James had a mother now. Reg’s mother. Now their mother.

Maybe that wasn’t enough?

Maybe because… he’d abandoned his family? All of it? The good and the bad?

“Reg?”

Reg faced the voice and found James standing half a dozen feet away.

“ _Fuck_ I didn’t even hear you get up.”

James smiled at his swearing, “Lost in thought?”

“I guess so. Um, good morning.”

“You look better.” An arm opened in invitation and Reg walked into him until he’d nearly tipped James over and was clinging to him. The chuckle he earned made him smile.

“You cleaned.” James said.

“Yeah.”

“I was going to do that when I got up.”

Reg snorted, “For the love of gaaahhhd stop trying to out-chore me.”

James’ hands framed his face, long fingers threading back into his hair. Reg’s head was tipped and he was kissed on the forehead.

“How do you feel?”

“Um.” Reg wasn’t sure how to answer. He was better regarding sleep. Everything else he questioned.

“I think, um,” he tried again, “I think we need to talk about some things.”

“Agreed.”

Reg was afraid of the conversation. But he couldn’t live with the uncertainty. Or the dependance that robbed him of peace. There were infinite ways to start the discussion, but he didn’t want to trudge through a mess. He cut to the meat.

“I, uh,” Reg started, “I don’t know what to say to make you feel like you deserve love. You’ve always been really good about making me feel safe. And accepted. And deserving.”

Conrad’s thumbs stroking his cheeks gave him strength. They could do this. They could have this conversation like reasonable adults.

“It seems I’ve tarnished that as of recently.”

“You scared me, James. Before you left you said you took me from the world. And that’s just not true. It’s not. You didn’t take me. I gave myself to you and I want you to understand that. If I didn’t _want_ this I wouldn’t be here. So I was scared. Because you made it sound like you wanted to push me away because you felt selfish, which is really silly.” He smiled here, tight but fond.

“It’s silly to feel selfish and harbor guilt over it?” Conrad asked.

“It is when you’re the farthest thing from selfish. And if you ever try to convince me you are selfish - which you’re _not_ \- I won’t buy it.” Here he burrowed under James’ chin, “And I’m not going anywhere. I love you. Love who you are. The sweetness in you. The bravery. The kindness. Everything.”

He was held, tighter and closer, but the thudding of James’ heart was obvious. He placed his hand over the source.

“Your heart is beating really hard. What’s wrong?” He tilted his head to look up.

Conrad’s resolve cracked, “Darling, you were sobbing in my arms before I left and it was because of me. I did that to you. _I_ did that. And when I came back you were so robbed of sleep you could barely function. I hurt you.”

His hands framed Reg’s face again and he pressed their foreheads together. He wanted to kiss him but the relentless grip of guilt froze him. He didn’t deserve to kiss Reg. He didn’t even deserve to hold him. Yet he kept on indulging his desires.

“It’s okay.” Reg whispered.

Conrad’s brow creased.

Reg exhaled a laugh. It was half sob.

But he was smiling.

“It’s okay,” he repeated and squeezed him, “James, we’re not perfect. And that’s okay. I cried because I was overwhelmed at the time. And angry with myself. I cried because I guess that’s what I do now. And I wish I didn’t.”

Reg’s voice cracking roused protectiveness in Conrad. He wanted to strip it from him. Tear it apart so it never plagued him again. Because he didn’t want to be the cause of Reg’s distress.

Reg’s fingers curled, digging into his sides, and it was grounding.

“I have a dependence on you and it’s really, really not healthy. It’s why I was such a mess while you were away. And that’s why it’s okay. Because I’m dependant a-and I’ve gotta fix it, but at least I know. I know and I can do something about it. But I can’t do this alone. Will you help me?”

“ _Of course_.” Conrad swallowed him in an embrace, “Of course.”

“But,” there was a pause, “this isn’t just about me. It’s about you, too. It’s about us.”

Conrad squeezed him tighter. To express his agreement. To show he understood.

They remained like that for long minutes allowing their hearts and minds to settle. It was good to hold and be held in return. To feel the warmth of the other and combine their own into it. To make something greater.

“What was the first thing?” Conrad asked, “The bad thing. From before.”

Reg took a moment to roll his memories over. James’ low self worth had been the second thing.

“It was… that you were keeping something from me. That was the first thing. And I didn’t want to press but it hurt. It bothered me, you know? that you didn’t feel you could tell me about it. But now I understand it wasn’t that you didn’t want to tell me it was that there wasn’t a name for it. It wasn’t clear. It wasn’t conscious. But it’s out now. So it’s okay.”

“So the first was me not being able to talk about the second?”

Reg snorted, “See it sounds stupid when you say it like that.”

Conrad smiled, stroking the sides of Reg’s face. There was fondness in his eyes, in the pressed bend of his lips, and it was rejuvenating.

“We’re alright, yeah?” Conrad asked.

“Yeah. Just promise me you’ll never push me away.”

“I promise. I could never do that. I don’t have it in me, I assure you.”

Reg laughed whisper soft, “If your inability to leave me outweighs your low self worth then I just want you to know you got it baaaad. Just as bad as I do.”

Conraud laughed, “We truly are worse than the Gordian Knot, aren’t we?”

“Oh yeah. By far. Honestly Alexander’s sword couldn’t cut through this trainwreck.”

He pressed his nose to Reg’s. Nuzzled and smiled at the giggle. Kissed the corner of his mouth.

“I love you.”

Reg’s smile turned sassy, “Good. Because I intend to grow old with you, Captain James. I hope you’re ready for that.”

“More than.”

“And I love you, too. So damned much.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The rift had been patched. In time Conrad knew it would heal.

They had things to work on. Things to help each other with. But there was security between them and it would hold.

Today they had a breakfast of oatmeal with bananas and homemade biscuits. It was simple but it meant the world to Conrad. Their tea was an Oolong. Something about it seemed right. Everything about today felt relaxed.

Reg put honey on his biscuits. Local honey from a beekeeper he’d met on one of their walks.

All these experiences and connections were because of Reg. He made friends easy. Instantly most days. Because he was not intimidating. He was easy to talk to and unintrusive. Funny. Endearing. Smart.

Which is why Conrad liked Reg’s grandmother so much when they met. It was clear she had been a powerful influence in his youth. Her personality ran through him.

They visited her in her tidy little apartment.

She was a spark. After several hours in her home they gathered around the dining table and played cards. Conrad shared his story after a few prods. He stripped out most of the negative. He wanted to focus on the things in his life that had impacted him in a positive way.

When Reg went to retrieve his guitar from their car she turned to Conrad and set her hand on his. It was tiny and adorned with a golden halo around her ring finger.

“You remind me of my Reginald, dear.”

Conrad felt honored by the words. Reg didn’t often speak of his grandfather but the memories he did share were always pure.

“I know you are taking good care of my Reg. I can see it in his smile and his eyes. The way he talks about you. The way you talk about him. He’ll always be there for you, but I imagine I don’t need to tell you that.”

Conrad smiled, “Do you mind my asking about your late husband? I wish I had been able to meet him.”

She patted his hand, “He was military. Like you. Spent years yelling at troops but hated every minute of it. Once he retired he was the softest, sweetest, _kindest_ man. He never let me do anything alone if he didn’t have to. I remember being the only wife on my block who had a husband who did laundry. And let me tell you - those biddies were jealous.”

They shared a chuckle.

“That’s the kind of man he was. The type of man who would give another the shirt off his back to help them. Dedicated. Loyal to the last breath. Heart of gold.”

She looked at the table in thought. Her eyebrows pressed together and her mouth firmed.

“Before he passed, weak from his heart attack, he told me to keep living my life. That he regretted he couldn’t come with me any longer to give me ten more lifetime’s worth of love.” She looked at Conrad, “He was a giver. Never a taker. And if I had let him he would have given all of himself to me. But that’s not how relationships work. It is easy to take advantage of people with good hearts. But it is the right and responsible thing to do to respect them. To return or pass something on and ensure these wonderful gifts in our lives find balance. They must be protected just as they protect others. For their sake and the sake of the world.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

When they left, packing the guitar away at sunset, the road ahead was different for Conrad. The drive was peaceful and when home they fell into bed together exhausted but content. Reg was asleep within minutes.

Conrad stroked through that thick, messy hair.

“Thank you.” He said.

He felt free.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

02.28.2018


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took me a year to finish this. Hah. Here's the epilogue. Go forth.

Epilogue

 

A bell jingled when Conrad opened the door to the shop. Customers milled about and at the front desk Reg was chatting with one. Lack of any recent haircut meant Reg’s hair was at its wildest stage. A length that always made Conrad smile after months away.

Reg pushed his reading glasses up his nose and disappeared to the _Employees Only_ section to retrieve something for the customer.

Conrad approached the counter and glanced at several records alongside textbooks. Another degree in progress.

Conrad nodded to the waiting customer and stepped behind the door. He wove around the short hall and found Reg flipping through a box of older records. Dozens of shelves were lined with boxes of them and if it wasn’t scores of records it was record players awaiting repair. There was a handful of other electronics Reg had accepted and no doubt planned to fix.

“You’re keeping busy.” Conrad said.

“Jesus!” Reg started.

Conrad smiled, wolfish, as he moved on Reg. Reg who turned to face him with a hand over his heart and back to the rows of boxes.

“ _James_. You just shaved a year off my life I hope you’re proud.” Reg exhaled and decompressed. Despite the startle he was smiling. His hands fell to Conrad’s forearms as he neared.

“Not proud, no. But I am sorry, darling. I didn’t think I’d give you quite that severe of a fright.”

“The fright I can handle but you didn’t call to tell me you were back. I thought we had a system but here you are going against protocol after all these years.” His arms lifted and he wrapped them around Conrad’s neck. Pulled him in and kissed him with a hum-sigh.

“I have no excuse. I’ve been bad.” He leaned to whisper against Reg’s ear, “You’ll have to take me home and punish me. Preferably naked.”

Reg chuckled, “If I’m going to punish you I’ll do it proper by hiding every tin of tea we have.”

“Ohhh,” Conrad made a face, “merciless I see. And after I’ve missed you so terribly. Gone for nearly three months this time and all I’ve thought about is coming home to your sass and quick wit. And giggles.” He pecked Reg on his smiling face.

“And of course your smile, too. Also the cooking.” He added another kiss, “Your company.”

Reg caught his mouth this time, “I’ve missed all of you.”

“Oh?”

After a beat Reg smirked, “Especially your dirty talk.”

Conrad squeezed him tight, “May I take you home early?”

“You may, Captain Badass. You may.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

The apartment Conrad thought temporary years ago was now home. Had been home for a long time. The furniture had changed. Several years back the kitchen remodeled. But the general layout remained.

In the bedroom Reg worked Conrad’s long sleeved shirt up and over his head. It revealed the newest batch of bruises and scrapes.

“I thought you were walking stiff. These are some pretty bad boys you’ve got here. How did you earn 'em?” Reg’s fingers played over the dark marks.

“Training exercises.”

“Not field work?”

“Not this time.”

“Hm.” He pulled Conrad to their bed and sat him down. Reclined him. Retrieved heating packs from the kitchen and placed them strategically to areas notorious for acting up. Conrad sighed at the melting heat and soon the way Reg straddled him and began massaging his arms and shoulders.

“You are _spoiling_ me, dear.” Conrad groaned.

“Not yet I’m not.”

Their kisses were casual. Slow. Meaningful. Conrad slipped his fingers beneath Reg’s shirt and into the lip of his pants. He wasn’t making anything of the gesture. He just wanted to feel the heat of his skin. He wanted to know he was alive and real. To know Reg was here with him.

They parted and breathed together. Reg rubbed a hand over his chest and Conrad exhaled registering the soreness of the muscle.

“How was the time I was away? Any nightmares?”

Reg shook his head.

“Insomnia?”

“Minor. Just the occasional thing where I wake up and you’re not here. Takes a little sometimes to fall back asleep.”

“Good otherwise?”

“Yeah.”

Conrad smiled and it spread to Reg. Their foreheads touched and he squeezed him closer.

“ _Good_.”

“Hey guys.”

They both looked to Mason standing in the doorway.

“Wha-” Reg chuckled, “How long have you been there?”

“Haven’t you heard of knocking?” Conrad teased.

“Hey,” Mason shrugged, “you forgot to lock the door. I let myself in. Also I wanted to surprise you. And double also, don’t stop on my account.”

Reg kissed Conrad’s cheek, “M’kay.” He peppered kissed across his face and neck and Conrad laughed.

“Alright, alright. I was kidding. Break it up I’m not your only company. Mills is here to see you.”

Reg gasped, “I’ll make you guys dinner!”

Conrad grunted when Reg sprang off the bed. Even now Reg was full of energy. Reg apologized for his excitement but Conrad waved him off.

“Go see your comrade.” He said, sitting up and going for his abandoned shirt.

Mills was near knocked off his feet by one of Reg’s hugs. He couldn’t help but laugh. It was good to see him.

They enjoyed a meal and spent several hours chatting. Mills revealed he was engaged. Congratulations were given.

“What’s she like, man? Don’t leave us hanging. What’s her name? What’s she do? When do we get to meet her?” Reg elbowed him.

“Alright, guys. I’ll spill, I’ll spill. Her name’s Jenna and she’s a therapist. Child psychologist, actually. You’re all invited to the wedding. Should be getting invites out in the next few weeks here. I hope you guys can make it.”

Reg and Mason asked more questions about Jenna and the conversation kept momentum. When the sky began to turn Mason asked if Conrad could help her bring boxes of records from her car.

“You bring him merchandise often?” Conrad asked.

“Only when it falls into my lap. They’re not new but they’re in great condition. Well enough to be sold. They’re donations in other words. Gets ‘em outta my storage unit at least.”

Conrad followed her out and Reg was left alone with Mills and felt the atmosphere shift.

“Slivko,” Mills fidgeted, “can I ask you something kinda personal?”

“Yeah, man. Go for it.”

Mills hesitated as he summoned his courage.

“Can I just ask how you felt about Conrad at the start of your relationship compared to how you feel now? And I mean in terms of love. Has it changed any?”

Reg smiled, “Yeah, it’s changed. But in a good way. Before we were in love but we both had insecurities. It wasn't… it wasn’t healthy love. Not really. But it is now. So I’d say it’s gotten deeper. When I look back all the years add up and I see where we’re at and sometimes I feel like I could suffocate I love him so much. I know that’s sappy but it’s true.”

Mills nodded, “What about living in the past? What about the war? The island? Flashbacks? Nightmares? Anxiety. Avoiding crowds or people. That stuff. Any of that?”

“I used to have nightmares all the time but it’s gotten a lot better. James has helped me overcome my anxieties and I’m alright now with crowds and people and loud noises. Being startled used to be an issue but it isn’t now. Still, ever since we made it home from the island I haven’t been the same emotionally. I cry really easy even now. Not just when I’m upset but when I’m happy, too. I was never like that before.”

Mills sighed, “Me, too. I try not to and I know it’s not as bad as it could be but I still feel weak for it.”

“Does Jenna know?”

“She does. She knows everything. And she believed me. She’s helped me heal and overcome some things. She makes me feel safe. Comfortable. She doesn’t judge for the crying or the nightmares. I was just wondering if that’s what Conrad is to you and if I can maybe overcome more of this.”

“James makes me feel free.” The words spilled out of Reg, surprising him.

“Free?”

“Yeah. I guess that’s kinda vague, but, um, what I mean is I can be myself. I don’t have to hide. I can pursue and do what I want because of the freedom he’s given me. I don’t have to be ashamed of crying. There are never harsh words or condescension. Just support. Just love. And I hope one day, when Monarch removes its talons, I can help James feel the same. That we can go anywhere and do anything. Together. But they have him. They _have_ him. And there’s nothing I can do until they’re done.”

“That’s not your fault, man.”

“I know, but I wish I could save him like he saved me.”

Mills stared hard at Reg. He looked to the door where he last saw Conrad before he turned back and scooted his chair closer.

“I think you already have. Because, dude, Conrad looks at you like you’re the best thing to ever exist. And the way he _smiles_ at you? Holy god almighty, Slivko, that’s a man straight up twitterpated. Full-on Bambi style.”

Reg laughed.

“It’s funny to see, I’ll admit, but it’s also inspiring. The way you two click. I thought that was some fantasy, one-in-a-million bullshit there. Until I met Jenna. Then I realized I clicked. Jenna is my James Conrad.”

Reg’s smile from his laughter softened into an easy bend of his mouth. He was happy for Mills.

“Also,” Mills made an offhand gesture, “getting to have sex once a week is really nice.”

Reg choked on nothing. Coughed. Mills patted him hard on the back several times.

“Jesus, are you okay?”

Reg covered his mouth with a closed fist, coughed again, and waved his hand dismissively.

“Didn’t mean to send you into fits.” Mills leaned back in his chair, “You two not have that much?”

Reg set his elbow on the table and put his face in his hand and his voice was a slight rasp when he spoke.

“Just once a week?”

“Wait a minute.” Mills sobered, “How often do you guys do it?”

Reg swallowed and felt his face heat, “Well he’s gone for weeks or months at a time so it’s not consistent.”

“Hey, man, don’t be shy. It’s nothing to be ashamed over. How about when he’s here? How often then?”

“Well, umm, s-sometimes two or three times a day.”

“WHAT the hell! Are you fucking serious? Dude gets _down_ with the business then.”

“T-that’s only the first few days he’s home, though! O-or before he leaves for an assignment.” Reg waved his hand, “Otherwise it’s usually two to four times a week I’d say. On average. When he’s here, of course.”

“Slivko,” Mills shook his head, “that’s a lot. Okay? That. Is a lot of sex. Just know that. Alright, my man? You are living the life.”

Reg laughed, his ears burning, “I just love him so much.”

“Yeah I kinda gathered that. You horny motherfuckers. Pair a… pair a sexhounds live here.” Mills made a gesture to the entire apartment.

Conrad and Mason returned to see Reg laughing and wiping tears from his eyes.

“What’s going on in here?” Mason asked.

“Nothin’.” Mills said, “Slivko and I just had a very revealing conversation in your absence that doesn’t need to be repeated.”

Reg covered his face, giggling.

When it was late, their company gone, Conrad asked about Reg’s earlier conversation.

“Oh, that.” Reg smiled, “He was telling me about his relationship with Jenna and offhand mentioned they have sex once a week and he thought that was a lot.”

“I see.” Conrad grinned.

“Do we have a lot of sex? Because Mills says we do and I don’t really have anything to compare it to.”

“Yes, darling, we do. More than our fair share, I assure you.” He pulled Reg to his side and kissed his temple, “In fact, we should be having some right now.”

Reg laughed and squirmed under every kiss as he was wrestled to the bedroom. He made it a game and created as much trouble as possible for Conrad.

When Conrad had pinned him to their bed and tamed his giddiness with sweet kisses they shared a long pause wherein they held each other.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

Some years later they bought a house. An acreage pushed back from the bustling metropolis. With the rising AIDS epidemic they didn’t feel welcome in the heart of the city. Safety was Conrad’s primary concern and he wasn’t fond of leaving Reg alone when many people in their neighborhood knew about their relationship. Not after several of their acquaintances were assaulted in the streets.

A move had been planned and it wasn’t unwelcome. Their indoor plants were out of control. Over the years they had acquired belongings and needed space.

Reg deserved a garden. A yard. A home to keep up. A workshop for their cars and his hobbies. Room to continue growing.

And Conrad wanted that for him. For them. The peace of mind. The distance from the nonstop grind of humankind. And they both yearned for a closeness to nature. Why they hadn’t moved sooner was the only thing he didn’t understand.

Reg moved all of their belongings while Conrad was on assignment. He painted the interior of the house and soon after the exterior. He’d closed the record shop for several weeks to focus on the house. He wanted it as close to ready as possible before Conrad came home.

His mom helped him create and plant the garden. They purchased trees together and lined their property with a variety that would someday provide shade and beauty and food.

Conrad came home when Reg was playing in the dirt, weeding. Regina was there, too, and it was an uplifting sight.

She watched as her sons came together and embraced. Kissed. They shared quiet words filled with affection. It made her smile and soon they were walking toward her. They each kissed one cheek and Conrad greeted her with a fond ‘Mother’ and her heart melted. She hugged them both.

Reg showered after his mother headed home. Conrad wandered the house taking stock of all the changes and repairs Reg implemented since he’d first seen it.

In the modest library Conrad found a half unpacked box of books and miscellany. He began removing the contents and setting them on the desk in the middle of the room. Three diplomas, all Reg’s, he excavated from a different box. He propped them up on a shelf, not sure where Reg wanted them yet but they deserved to be on display.

Quiet footfalls made Conrad smile and a pair of arms wrapping around him turned it into a grin.

“Happy birthday you handsome old man.”

“Ah, I had forgotten today was my birthday.”

“You always forget. I was so busy working on the house I didn’t have time to wrap your gift so I decided wrapping wasn’t necessary.”

Conrad turned in his arms to see Reg was naked. He chuckled and leaned in to kiss him. He was another year older but Reg’s playful personality made him feel young.

“I see you’re bringing excitement into our lives.” Conrad murmured.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to top running naked in the rain through a public park with a thunderstorm looming overhead, _but_ I think I’m gonna try.”

“You accomplished a great deal while I was away.”

“Mm. Had to take my mind off your absence since I wasn’t working. I always miss you so much, you know?”

“About that. You won’t have to anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m afraid I have to come clean. I’ve been keeping something from you, but know I only did so because I wanted to surprise you.”

Reg’s brow creased, “James?”

“Darling, I’ve spent the last few years training in several replacements. They’ve let me retire as of today. Happy birthday to me indeed.”

“What? Really? Are you serious?” Reg’s eyes were hopeful.

“Yes. I’m all yours. All the time. From now on.”

Reg felt like crying. Speechless, he kissed Conrad rough until they were both short of breath.

“I feel like it’s _my_ birthday.”

“I’ll share it with you.”

Reg bit his lower lip, “I do have an actual gift for you, even though I know me naked is pretty high up there on your wishlist. It’s in the bedroom.”

“What is it?”

“A new bed. California King.”

“You absolute scamp.”

“I know. Unspeakable. Want to help me cristen it?”

“I’d like nothing more.”

Reg intertwined their fingers and guided Conrad to the bedroom. They kissed and fell onto the bed together in a tangle. Once desires were sated they lounged on the new bed and enjoyed the freedom of not needing to be anywhere.

Reg ran his fingers across Conrad’s chest. The bruises from his recent assignment and old scars would fade in time. He was happy he wouldn’t be seeing more of their kind.

Even now, years later, Reg felt a warmth inside when he looked at Conrad. It was love. Sinking into everything he was. Down to his core. He wasn’t sure if this was luck or karma, but he felt light.

He curled against Conrad and was embraced. Now was his opportunity to give him the same freedom he’d been given years ago.

“You need a vacation, Captain Badass.”

“What did you have in mind, Sassypants McGee?”

Reg smiled, full of fondness and love, “Let’s go to Alaska.”

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

 

As they added trees to their land and plants to their garden they canned goods and grew older together. They made friends and visited family across the country. They traveled and shared good food. They made memories. They adopted dogs to let run on their land and when the day was old the pack joined them inside as part of the family. They had a housecat, fat and lazy and completely spoiled as it was.

Eventually, Reg’s grandmother passed. Her long life left behind memories and a reminder the time they had was limited. Reg played guitar at her funeral, never missing a note even as he cried. Years prior he’d been afraid to get his tears on the instrument but now he let them fall knowing it was more important to keep playing than to worry about droplets that would dry in time.

The sad times were there. Conrad wouldn’t hide from that reality. There had been occasional tough tensions with the Slivko side of the family. Reg’s father never reached out to his son and Reg always harbored regret. But Conrad was diligent and again and again brought him out of his sad slumps.

As the years continued Reg experienced less and less terrors until they ceased completely. He was not just content. He was happy. He was in love, more now than ever, and when James would capture him in a tight embrace and rumble a declaration of love he every now and again liked to play guitar and sing to him.

And with his grandmother’s guitar he’d strum and sing and celebrate their family. He was alive. They were free. This was home.

 

+---+---+---+---+---+---+

5.5.18  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a sap under all these layers of smut. But by now you knew this. Just a giant…. smut-loving sap. We made it. Hope you enjoyed the journey.


End file.
